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I may have been having a psychotic break, talking to voices in my head, but in this case, they weren’t wrong. Blood matted sluggishly in my husband’s hair, something I shifted my body to protect my son from.
“Baby,” I rasped, my voice destroyed, “I need you to run into the bedroom and pack some clothes and whatever else you want to take.”
He looked up through a mask of tears, finally seeing me. He wasn’t ready for this. Kade needed time to heal, to calm down, to be hugged and given all the comfort he deserved, but right now, all I could feel was that need to run beating down on me.
“Can you do that for me?”
He nodded, trying to reply but not able to. I rubbed my thumb against his cheek, the pad slipping in the tracks of his tears, and then we both got up.
I waited until Kade disappeared down the hall before I rose to my feet.
I looked down at my husband like he was a side of meat, analysing the awkward fall of his body, the seep of blood slowly staining the carpet. I reached down, my hand hovering for a moment before I touched his cooling flesh. It was a struggle to find his pulse initially, then I pressed down harder. There—faint, sluggish, irregular.
We finish the kill.
The ashtray felt heavy now in my hand, a millstone dragging me down.
He was going to kill you and the cub. We keep the cub safe.
I hefted it in my hand, feeling it, the way gravity had it dropping hard against my palm.
We keep the cub safe, the beast insisted.
And in a final act of madness, a great shadowy black wolf appeared, standing by the man’s head, its eyes gleaming bright green. It stared at me, and I stared back.
We finish the kill.
“Mum?”
I blinked, glancing around me wildly when I realised I was in the car, the engine rumbling. I turned and looked over my shoulder, saw that Kade had his seat belt and a few bags full of stuff next to him.
“You OK, baby?”
He nodded, the sharp tilt of his chin, the shine in his eyes making clear what he was holding back.
We take the cub somewhere safe, then he can heal.
And where the fuck is that? I thought, my heart racing. I saw several flecks of blood on my fingers that I hadn’t remembered being there before.
I know. Sanctuary.
2
“Mum, can I have a drink?”
Kade sounded as querulous as a much younger child.
“Sure, baby. What’s up?”
“My head hurts.”
I almost took my foot off the accelerator at that, realising what I was doing and indicating before pulling over on the verge.
I’d packed a lot of stuff without remembering moving it, including Rick’s wallet. We’d hit one of the petrol stations on the way to wherever we were going, and I’d cleared out the family accounts, filled the car full of fuel, and got some supplies. Kade stayed in the car, but the guy behind the counter took in the bruises and blood on my face with just a nod, giving me back my change. I’d gone to the bathrooms there, cleaned my face as best I could, and dumped the wallet in the rubbish bin. There was a sharp pain in my nose that had never been there before that stopped me from doing too much, and then I’d gotten back into the car. I rustled around in my bag now, pulling out some children’s paracetamol and handing it to Kade along with a juice.
Keep Kade safe. Keep Kade safe. Keep Kade safe. The need pulsed with the beat of my heart.
“Try this, love. It’ll make you feel better.”
