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“Fuck, Jules…” Jack growled, and then slammed his mouth down on mine.
Jack had the emotional weight of a Mack truck. He hit people at top speed and obliterated them, and perhaps that's why those boundaries were up so high. But this time, as he slammed into me, I was drowned in something altogether different.
This is when I knew you were it for me, he said, mind to mind.
The airy landscape fell away and was replaced by a busy mess hall. It took me a little while to realise where I was, but the trestle tables, the buffet tables orientated me.
Shaunie was talking to me about this new girl, I glanced sideways to see Shaun sitting there, looking a whole lot happier than the last time I saw him, rhapsodising about how beautiful you were, how you seemed less of a player than the local girls. I didn’t believe it. Every bloke says this kinda shit when a new girl rolled into town. Just figured he was cunt struck. Then I saw you.
That was weird, seeing yourself from another person’s perspective. I was sitting with Finn and Brett and his bloody cronies and they were trying to put food on my plate, my brows creasing in thinly veiled frustration.
You could’ve lorded it over everyone, the fellas would’ve preferred that. That would have put them on familiar ground. Instead, you were clear about what you wanted and didn’t want, and lived by that. That’s what scared me the most.
Scared you? Why?
Because you made me feel something I hadn’t let myself feel for ages.
What was that?
Hope.
The scene changed rapidly, the mess hall bleeding away and replaced by a large field, wildflowers drowsing in the afternoon sunlight. A bunch of guys sat around on toolboxes and tree stumps, having a break and talking shit, Hawk among them. Our focus was on him, the way he grinned and responded to the blokes’ jibes with an ease I realised he hadn’t yet with my guys. Shaun was by his side, elbowing Hawk in the ribs about something, but their voices weren’t where Jack’s focus was. Rather, he watched Hawk with the obsessive fascination lovers specialise in, going unnoticed by the blokes around him. So he saw the moment Hawk’s focus shifted, his smile fading, his brows creasing, brought to his feet as if drawn by a string.
People commented as he moved through the group, out onto the grass, crossing the field, eyes on the trees beyond. Then I scented you, Jack explained. I trailed behind him, watching the man I’d loved my whole life become completely entranced. I called for him, and for the first time, he didn’t reply. When I looked through the trees, saw it was you up on the rise, tugging my boy along by his dick, that’s when I got really scared.
Why? You thought I wouldn’t choose you?
That, and I was scared that you would.
What?
I know, it makes no fucking sense. Having a woman with us had always been academic. Some liked him because…well, you’ve seen him. Some liked me, because of Mum, because of where they thought it might get them in the overall hierarchy, but none of them were serious contenders. There were none we meshed with, none that liked the both of us, and definitely none willing to consider us together, and while that stung, there were none we both wanted either. That changed when you came along.
The scene cut to them, hidden between the trees that formed the barrier between the field and the single housing. Hawk’s mouth was on Jack’s, Jack’s hand was down Hawk’s pants, the other man squirming as it closed around him, tugging it hard.
“Fuck,” Hawk moaned, “I need to come so hard.”
“I got you,” Jack said, trailing his lips down Hawk’s neck, feeling the scudding pulse there and then dropping down to his knees. Hawk’s hands frantically unbuckled his belt and freed his cock, his other hand going to Jack’s head and shoving his dick down Jack’s throat.
He damn near choked me, which just made me harder, Jack said. He was so desperate, so needy for me, but it wasn’t just me. I pulled open my jeans and shot my load on the grass. It was weird but so fucking hot, that feeling that there was someone else between us.
That’s what I feel like, that I’m horning into your relationship, inserting myself where I’m not wanted.
Not wanted? A silence followed, rare enough itself for Jack. Fuck, Jules, how do I make it any clearer? The fear had returned, I could feel it thrumming down our bond, a million worries coming in an overwhelming cascade, threatening to drown me.
Jack, I said, and for a moment, the emotional torrent stilled.
“Of course, I fucking want you,” he said, and now it was just the two of us standing there. “Jules…” He pushed my hair back, searching my face. “How do I…?” He frowned, then smoothed his brows, nodding to himself. He stroked my cheek over and over, and then swallowed.
“The others will tell you the pretty things. I’m sure Brandon could compose sonnets to your beauty, which is considerable, so don’t get that shit twisted. But that’s not what I love about you.” He watched me gasp at that, cocking his head to one side and examining me closely. “But don’t let the lack of poetics get in the way of this. Nan always said you can’t have love without trust and liking the person. Well, Jules, I can trust you. I c
an trust you’ll look past all the Sanctuary bullshit and see who we really are. I can trust you actually give a shit about your pack, that status and tradition and all the other hereditary bullshit we seem keen to cage ourselves in won’t hold you back from the right decision. I can trust that you’ll accept us, me and Hawk, that you’ll keep an eye out for our relationship as much as your own. You have no idea what that does for me, to know another person in this world cares for Hawk as much as I do.
“But it’s not just about Hawk. If he’d never come into my life, if it was just me and you…” I watched his eyes shift, his throat bob as he mustered the words. “I’d want to be by your side. I’m a cunt to be around, I know, but you unpack that bullshit and see what’s going on underneath all that. I trust that I can’t scare you off, that you’ll keep coming and coming until you’re so far under my skin, I can’t imagine life without you.” His forehead came to rest on mine, so I could feel his breath on my lips. “I’m not the hearts and flowers guy. But, Jules, when you come and talk to Hawk, I’m listening. I’ll look like I’m watching TV or working on a bike, but I’ll be listening, and I’ll be savouring the conversations the two of you have like you’re having them with me. I trust that you’ll wait for me to get to the point that I can put down the bullshit and start actually being a part of this.”
Fuck. My heart felt like he’d sliced it to ribbons, my eyes welling with tears I didn’t understand. He watched, listened to me fighting the sobs that came, then yanked me close when I couldn’t. Somehow, in this imaginary space he’d created inside another imaginary space, my tears spread and wet his shirt, plastering it to his chest as his hands stroked my head and I let all of it out. It wasn’t until the tears had finally petered out and I was starting to pull myself together that I really understood Jack.
“I get it now,” I said, nodding. “I think I know what you were feeling. I want so much to be everything you’ve just said, to deserve your trust in me, and I’m terrified I won’t be.”
