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“Meep…meep…meep.”
“Little dude, I can’t help.”
“Meep! Meep, meep, meep!” it insisted, then it crawled over and put one gorgeous tiny magenta paw on my knee.
Well, fuck.
“Do you have any sharp teeth or anything, little guy?” I asked, eyeing the creature. I was trying to be practical. Picking up a wild animal was rarely a recipe for success. It’s meep got more and more excited as I reached for it, until I heard the sound. As soon as my fingers touched the purple fur, an honest to goodness purr rumbled through the creature. “Purring’s good, right, little dude?” I whispered.
He fluttered his bat-like ears in response, and when I lifted him up, he scrambled up my arm, wrapping his limbs around it and closing his eyes. I brought him slowly towards my body, hoping he wasn’t going to go nuts and rip out my intestines, but he just curled up in the crook of my arm, for all intents and purposes about to go to sleep.
Ohhhkay, now what? I couldn’t take a weird alien creature with us to the Volken city. I hadn’t brought Buddy because I didn’t want him becoming collateral damage, and this little guy was equally as vulnerable. I absently stroked purple’s—hopefully non-people eater—super plush fur, and he just snuggled down tighter as a result.
What does he need? I thought, looking around me. I glanced down at his body and saw the wing, which seemed to be the main issue. I needed to make some kind of splint, something that would let him move again and eventually heal. I was searching for an appropriate stick when his ears pricked up. Those huge eyes opened, and his itty-bitty nose began to quiver as he let out a cautious meep.
Only to be met with an echoing sound further in the bush. I looked down at Purple, and he looked up at me. Was he looking excited? It was hard to read his furry little face. The answering meeps grew louder and closer, as well as more plentiful.
“Perfect,” I said, “I’ll dump you off with your flock or whatever and be on my way.”
It was right about then that I should have questioned the wisdom of tramping through an unknown environment with a strange creature in my arm. But, ever the sucker for something cute and furry, I stomped onwards as Purple played a game of Marco Polo—or Meep Meep—the cries of the others luring me deeper and deeper into the bush. Because, luring was the best description for it.
The first thing I noticed when I stumbled out of the undergrowth was the gorgeous waterfall. Luminously blue, the water poured into a crystal-clear pond below that was surrounded by fern-like plants. The second more important thing I noticed was the big arse creature sleeping right next to it. Looking something like a cross between a boulder and a lizard, it blew small snot bubbles as it snored on. But it was its bed mates that were of the most interest, because all over the granite like skin of the beast was a huge flock of purple people eaters.
“Shit, shit, shit,” I hissed. I glanced down at Purple, who looked up at me with big shining eyes, its lips parting to show a row of sharp teeth. “C’mon, Purple,” I whispered. “Work with me. I carried you all the way back to your people. I’ll just put you down here, and you can—”
“MEEP!”
Fifty odd heads popped up, big eyes shining with what I was starting to think was bloodlust.
“MEEP! MEEP! MEEP! MEEP! MEEP!” the little furry bastards began chanting in answer.
“OK, down you go, Purple. Good boy.” I tried to pry him off my arm, but of course, the prick held on with a prehensile strength I hadn’t been expecting in an ‘injured’ animal. He finally threw himself into the air and fluttered over to his mates with two perfectly functioning wings. The bloody arsehole. His voice joined the chorus as he landed on rock lizard’s back, the beast snorting, then snuffling as he started to wake.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. I spun on my heel and launched myself into the brush just in time to hear the creature roar. I heard a whuffling sound, then felt a great shudder through the ground as the beast got to its feet.
You are in danger, my Tirian said.
“No fucking shit!” I growled, diving into the bush, scrambling madly on all fours in my haste to get some traction.
I am taking over now.
What? I didn’t get to consider what that meant as my body felt hot all of a sudden, and then… The process is hard to describe, though the gut jerking weirdness of portal travel was probably the closest thing I’d ever experienced. Instead of a human clumsily scrambling around, all of a sudden, I was on four paws and competent. I was in Tirian form.
This is a rock crusher, she said, spinning around to face the lumbering beast. I watched the monster stomp over, flattening trees and bushes with little effort.
Pretty sure it’s an equal opportunity crusher! I yelped, and felt the curious sensation of urging my body to move and not being able to. What the fuck?
Steady, my Tirian said.
Steady? I stared through my unmoving eye sockets and saw the bloody barrel-shaped monster stamping closer and closer. I felt my body drop down into a crouch rather than do the eminently sensible thing and run the fuck away. Our legs coiled, our belly grazing the ground. The boulder lizard opened its great big maw, revealing many blunt teeth, as the purple people eaters all hung on for the ride, flapping their little wings and meeping in encouragement. I half expected them to be meeping Wagner’s “Ride of the Valkyries.”
We need to move, now!
Finally, my Tirian obeyed my screeches, but not in the way I’d hoped.
Not that way! Away from the bloody rock crusher thingo!
She paid me no mind, stampeding—from my point of view—right into the beast’s mouth. Then, the miraculous happened. Right when the animal was about to lunge forward and catch us in its jaws, our paws slammed down on its broad snout, sending its teeth clattering against each other, but we didn’t pause to consider the dental ramifications. I felt a curious lift, like the feeling when you’re on the top of a roller coaster about to come slamming down, as we ran down the animal’s spine. The purples all pricked up their ears, big brown eyes all registering the same expression of ‘oh fuck!’ before they took flight as one. But not to run away, because of course not. No, the little bastards grinned bloody thirsty smiles and then swarmed.
