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Chapter Two
Saylor
When I left Rex’s office, my thoughts and resolve were based on some kind of misguided bravery, probably because the alternative was too difficult to think about. Holding everything together kept the sickening tide of humiliation at a manageable level. That wasn’t going to last because I had a wedding to cancel. Nothing in life had prepared me for that.
By evening I was in an unfamiliar dark pit of dark despair.
During the ride home from Rex’s office, with the full realization of what had just occurred yet to hit me, I continued to function, somewhat automatically. I knew I’d never make my regular yoga class with my two best friends, Casey and Dani, so I texted them to say I had a headache. An hour later I sat staring at a blank spot on the wall, wads of Kleenex balled around me, eyes red and burning, nose blocked.
Sometime after the sun had set, my doorbell chimed. My excuse clearly tripped some sort of bullshitometer for Dani and Casey because they skipped yoga too and showed up at my apartment with tacos, tequila and a gallon of ice cream.
I’d turned off my phone as soon as I got home, but once I’d told them my lunchtime horror story, Dani dived into my handbag and retrieved it.
“Please, no, Dani,” I said, scrambling to grab it from her.
She tossed it to Casey. “Quick. The passcode is nine-seven-two-zero-zero-five.” She had hold of my wrists. “We have to know what we’re fighting here, so we need to know what messages Rex has been sending you.”
Casey switched on the phone and we all stared at the background image of Rex dressed in a suit for his best friend’s wedding. The picture made my stomach churn. What was worse was that the phone was silent. No missed calls. No flurry of text messages.
“What the ever-loving fuck? Does he even have your number?” Casey asked. She jabbed the phone with her finger. “Hellooo, Rexy. Are you still trying to come up with an excuse for your cheating asshattery?”
“Of course he’s not,” Dani said between licking taco sauce from the palm of her hand. “I told you he was a sociopath. This proves it. He’ll never apologize, nor explain.”
“What do you mean? Rex isn’t a sociopath, he’s just a bit emotionally stunted,” I said. “Lots of men are like that.” I swallowed past the unnerving feeling that I might have been ignoring the signs.
“No empathy, guilt, remorse or shame. Hallmark traits of a sociopath,” Dani added. “Has he apologized?”
I looked from Dani, to Casey, back to Dani. “Not exactly. Not at all. No, he didn’t apologize.”
“How did he react when you walked in and caught him with his dick in his PA’s mouth?”
The image was frozen in my memory. His look of shock. Horror. Oh, god. “He looked annoyed, to be honest.”
Casey wrapped her arms around me. “Consider yourself saved. I know this is really shitty right now, but it would have been worse if you’d married him.” Obviously I should have cried, but the tears had run out. My eyes were hot, and the inside of my nose felt swollen, but my crying was over for the day.
“Enough hugging,” Dani said, “let’s do shots. Somebody grab the glasses.”
We did the first three rounds of shots in quick time, then slowed as the buzz hit us. We became loud, and insulting, dredging up incidents as proof of Rex’s dubious morals and unstable personality.
“He was okay in bed, I guess. Well, it was okay when we were actually having a sexual relationship.”
“Okay isn’t good enough. Maybe that’s why he was putting it out all over town. The guy clearly needed practice.” Dani made an obscene cock-sucking gesture with a leftover pickle, and we all rolled about laughing.
And then my phone rang.
Rex.
I had just enough tequila in me to answer it. I tapped the screen and held it to my ear. “Can I help you?”
“Where are you, Saylor? We were supposed to meet for a drink, half an hour ago.”
His voice was cold and, oddly, I felt nothing for him.
“We made that arrangement when we were engaged, and as we’re no longer getting married, all social arrangements have been canceled.” I sounded strong, resolute, and I think at that moment I fell in love with the smiling sombrero-wearing man on the front of the tequila bottle.
“Why are you being so dramatic? Relationships are tough, Saylor. They take commitment, and work, and it’s time you grew up and faced that—”
“You cheated on me, Rex.” My anger, fueled by the alcohol, burned hot and raw. “That’s not tough, that’s completely disrespectful. It shows how little you value our relationship, and me.” I could hear him breathing in that way he did when he was trying to stay calm.
