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I shouldn’t have read her diary. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have gone to her bed and claimed her. I would have gone to the other side, done my duty to my family and then, maybe then…Who am I fooling?
I would have lost her, like I feel like I’m doing now. The strain of this transition is taking a toll on us. My mind is always occupied. I want to talk to her about it, but that’s not an option.
My phone rings, causing Carleen to stir in her seat. I tighten my jaw and grip the steering wheel. It’s Apollo, so I pick up right away.
“I’m in the car and you’re on speaker,” I bite out.
“Call me as soon as you can, boss. You have my number.” His accent is thicker than usual, telling me this is business. I need to get to my burner.
I hang up without a word and glance over at Car. My heart squeezes. I fucked up. In my heart I want to put her first, but my oath says I can’t. If I keep going like this, I’m going to hurt her and not intentionally.
Carleen is a civilian and I want to keep it that way. I love her so much, but I know I’m going to fuck this up. Her words from earlier come back to me.
Maybe we’re rushing things. The timing couldn’t be more off. You’re going away and we don’t know for how long…I don’t want to ruin our friendship.
So what do I do? I can’t put these feelings back in the box they were in. I punch the steering wheel and bite out a curse. She’s already pulling away from me. Maybe I should allow her to.
She whimpers in her sleep, pulling my attention as I park in the parking garage of my building. “I’m sorry, Rio. Don’t leave. I love you.”
I lean in and kiss her forehead. “I love you too. I just need time to figure this out.”
I pull away and stare at her for a few beats. I furrow my brows as her words set in. What’s she sorry for?
This was on me. I read her diary. I pushed us into this new relationship. I’m leaving and placing everything in such a state of uncertainty.
I run a hand through my hair. “Fuck.”
I swallow all of my thoughts and get out to grab her backpack and carry her upstairs. Once in the apartment, I carry her to my bedroom and remove her coat and shoes before tucking her under the sheets.
I kiss her nose then her soft lips. My anger with myself rises. There are people out there who don’t want Nonno to pass the family to me. Carleen is in more danger than ever and it’s all because of me.
I’ve become a selfish bastard and now the most precious thing to me in the world stands in harm’s way. I shake my raging thoughts away and head to my office to call Apollo. He picks up on the second ring as I take a seat at my desk.
“The uncle is here to see you.”
“Which one?”
“The fed.”
I groan and rub my temple. This is the last thing I need. Talon Thompson has been connected to my family for as long as I can remember. Nonno has made friends in a lot of places that have had my curiosity for years. My grandfather has only been a presence in the States since my mother disappeared and Dante started to lose his shit.
Yet, he has an amazing reach that I’m inheriting. If only Carleen knew how deep her family is in the life. It used to give me hope that she would accept all of me. I shake my thoughts clear.
“Is he looking for Car?” I ask.
“No, he asked for you.”
“Fuck, what now?”
“What do you want me to do?”
“I’m not leaving her tonight. Find out what he wants. See if he’ll talk to Gio.”
“Are you sure it’s good to ignore a fed, boss?”
“I’m not ignoring him. I just told you what to do. If he can’t talk to Gio let him know where to find me tomorrow.”
“Sorry, boss. Got it.”
I grunt and hang up. Suddenly, I’m bone tired. I wish I could have a look in Gio’s crystal ball right about now. Something is coming for me. Something I can’t stop, and I get the feeling it’s well in motion.
I drag my exhausted body to my bedroom and kick my shoes off then climb in bed next to Carleen and wrap my arm around her. She snuggles into my embrace, and I blow out a breath.
“Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, go back to sleep.”
Chapter 17
Thanksgiving Drive
Dario
“Hey, Dario, we got any more trays in the back?” Anthony calls from the tables where they’re serving dinners.
I shrug. This isn’t my place. I don’t know the inventory here.
