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“Nothing’s going to go wrong,” I informed him, shooting a withering glare of my own.
We were having this conversation in the common room. Lucas and Colby were sitting at the bar with beers dangling from their hands, watching us like it was a very entertaining show.
“You know, I also read about Lotus Births,” Colby offered with a grin.
“First of all, shut the fuck up,” Elden barked. “And how in thefuckdo you know what a Lotus Birth is?”
“How doyouknow what a Lotus Birth is?” I addressed Elden.
“I read the baby books,” he seethed. “The ones written by medical professionals whooperate out of hospitals.”
“This country is one of the worst in the developed world for infant mortality,” I fired back.
“And you think giving birth at home is going to improve that statistic?” Elden’s eyes might’ve been wider than I’d ever seen them.
Swiss walked into the common room while we were having this conversation. I expected him to walk right out upon seeing Elden, or to ignore him, but he didn’t. He came to join our little conversation.
Though I hated that Swiss was still not Team Elden, I was thankful for their little feud at this moment since I’d get some reinforcement.
Elden ran his hand through his hair in frustration. “You need to talk some sense into her,” he turned to tell Swiss.
Swiss looked at me. “You need to listen to Elden.”
I gaped at the two of them. “Since when are you allies?”
“Since you decided you wanted to give birth without a medical professional present,” Swiss replied matter-of-factly.
“I will have a doula,” I argued.
“And she probably got her medical degree from fucking Hogwarts,” Elden muttered.
“First off, Hogwarts doesn’t offer medical degrees,” I glared at him. “That’s further study. And don’t you turn your nose up at a very important profession.”
“Not turnin’ my nose up at the profession,” Elden folded his strong arms in front of him. “In fact, you can have her there, at the hospital if that’s what you want. You can have a whole army of them. I don’t give a fuck. As long as my baby is born in a hospital.”
“Yourbaby?” I squawked.
“Think I had an equal hand in creating it,” he returned, not missing a beat.
“This is gonna be good,” Colby whispered loudly.
I ignored that.
“Oh, wow, you had an orgasm,” I applauded. “Someone get this guy a medal. Or should we erect a statue in your honor for doing the single thing required of you to create life.” I started to pace. “It’s almost as if it’syouwho had to suffer through five months of morning sickness that wasn’t morning sickness at all, really just a constant hangover. And then there are the hormones that make you seriously wonder if you’re going to give birth to your child in a state penitentiary after you’ve been convicted of murdering your overprotective, insane baby daddy and your equally overprotective, equally insane stepfather,” I ranted, pointing at each of them. “It also must beyouwho spent the first trimester worrying yourself sick that you might lose the baby that wasn’t planned but was most definitely wanted,” I continued, pacing once more. “And then, once that part was over with, it must’ve beenyouthinking you had to literally push a baby out of a very narrow place and thinking about the ripping.”
“I don’t think I need to be here for the conversation about the ripping,” Swiss muttered, making his way over to the bar with Lucas and Colby.
“Coward!” I called to his back before my eyes darted back to Elden. “For bikers who I assume kill and maim people on the regular, you seem positively faint at the thought of a perineal tear,”
Elden was looking at me in a very peculiar way. Not exactly pissed off, though there was a shadow of that. Yet there was also a shadow of amusement and warmth.
“We do not kill and maim on the regular,” he replied. “Only very rarely.”
I stopped pacing, looking him directly in the eye. “I’m having the doula.”
“In a hospital,.”
I scowled at him. He did not blink at the scowl.
