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“Connor, go get the hospital bag. Xavier, get a new pair of undies for Cara. Memphis, go start the van. Harry, go help him; he looks like he may faint. Lay, baby, I need you to grab some towels from the bathroom.” We all stand there frozen and Frankie whistles so loud I wince. “Now, unless you want your daughter born in a van!” she shouts, and we all move our asses. I run up the stairs to get the bag and fly back down the stairs almost tripping. Jase and East have Cara as they slowly walk to the front door where Memphis has the van idling. I climb in and wait for the others. Cara is panting and squeezing Jase’s hand so hard I can see his white knuckles.
“Is this a bad time to mention the guests are arriving?” Xav questions, and I look at him in horror.Oh fuck! The baby shower.
We get to the hospital and they rush Cara to a room, before hooking her up to all sorts of monitors and putting her in this weird backward gown. Not that I didn’t mind the peeks of her biteable ass though. Jen walks in wearing light purple scrubs and she gives us all a smile, though there’s a bit of sadness in her eyes.
“Are we all ready to have a baby?” She looks at Cara and she nods, smiling, but there is something missing from her smile. It’s not reaching her eyes.
“You got this baby,” I whisper in her ear, before kissing her temple. She looks at me with so much love and longing I have to pause and catch my breath.
“I love you Connor,” she whispers, then claps her hands. “Okay, I’m ready. Let’s have a baby.”
Thirty-Six
Carson
One of the best days of my life will also end up being my last. Did I wish things were different? Absolutely. But I know that God has a plan for all of us and this was always meant to be my Fate. Am I heartbroken? Of course, but I’m also at peace. I’ve known for months that this day was coming and though my decision was hard, I wouldn’t have done anything differently.
I close my eyes for one final time with a smile on my lips.I love you all with all of my heart and soul.
Two hours earlier
“Give us one more push, shortcake,” Memphis tells me, clutching my hand as if he never wants to let go. I gaze up at him and shake my head no. I feel so weak. I don’t think my body can handle this after all. My only wish at this point is that I can save Dallas. She needs to be here, or these men won’t survive. He leans down and presses his lips to my sweaty forehead, pulling back and resting his forehead on mine. He knows as well as I do, that this may be the last moment we’re together. “I love you shortcake to the moon and always,” he whispers. A hand clutches my knee and I pull away from him to glance down at my other loves. Xavier is holding my right knee, Jase my left. East is too squeamish and the doctor already threatened to remove him from the room if he faints, or gets sick, so he’s sitting up by my head, running his nails through my gross hair and giving me a worried look. Out of all my guys, I think he knows something is going on. Lay grabs my other hand and gives me a super excited, happy look.
“She’s almost here, Carson. Then we will get to hold our daughter. I know you are exhausted baby, but you can do this. You are strong and already an amazing mom. Dallas is so lucky to have you. Just one more push. We are all here with you.” I know Lay’s words are meant to be sweet, but really they just break my heart more. I close my eyes and pray for the strength. Just one more push and this will all be over.You can do this Carson.I grit my teeth and push with everything I can, screeching at the top of my lungs.
“That’s it Cara. Her head is out. You did it. Now just a gentle push,” Jen says softly. She knows how hard today is going to be, and I’m so thankful she agreed to be my midwife. We’ve spent countless hours talking and working through my decisions. I guess her psychology degree paid off for more than just being my teacher. I drop my head to the pillow and take some shaky breaths in. Resting a moment.
“Great, okay daddies, are you ready to hold your little girl?” she asks as Dallas lets out a sharp cry when a nurse sticks something in her mouth. Layton shoves Connor out of the way, as Memphis cuts the cord. He reaches to take her from the nurse, but Memphis snaps. “No, let Cara hold her.”
I give him a grateful smile as the tears run down my face. She's perfect. Even covered in goo. She has blonde hair, and the cutest little fingers and toes I’ve ever seen. Connor pushes Layton gently back and the nurse places her on my stomach as Xavier helps me open my robe so she can be skin to skin. I feel my energy slowly waning, but I need this moment. Even if it is the last I’ll ever have with my daughter. Memphis grabs his phone and starts to take a video of me meeting my baby girl for the first time. He’s been taking lots of videos, documenting my pregnancy, so even though I won’t be here, Dallas will know how much I loved her.
I place her on my breast, and gaze down at her. The love that I feel overwhelms me and I start to shake from the sobs. I try to muffle them so I don’t startle her and East snaps, “Okay someone better tell me what is going on right now?” I jump a little at the sudden hostility and volume he spoke. Dallas opens her mouth and lets out an ear piercing shriek. Lay smacks East’s arm and scolds him.
“What are you talking about bro? This is one of the happiest days of our lives.” He looks at us confused and I can’t blame him.
“I know something is going on here,” East says, before standing and storming from the room. Jase turns to go after him, but I grab his arm.
“I love you,” I tell him before he can leave. He bends down and kisses me softly on the lips, before pressing a kiss to Dallas’ head.
“You are incredible, Carson Star Matthews. I am so thankful for your love.” The tears fall faster and he stands back up, gives Memphis a look, then follows after East.
A few minutes pass and I feel myself getting weaker and weaker. Jen knows my time is running out and she has a team of doctors in the next room on standby. I wanted to do this at home, but she wouldn’t allow it. Memphis and I fought about it, but in the end they were right.
“I’m going to step out and give you a few minutes. I’ll be just outside,” she says, giving Memphis and I a pointed look, before turning towards the door.
“Wait Jen, thank you,” I call to her back. She doesn’t turn around and I can see her shoulders trembling. She sighs, then replies, “Of course Cara,” before opening the door and walking out.
The guys pass Dallas around like she’s a football and Connor has finally had enough. He takes some photos and says he’s going to go call Frankie and my dad. I tell him I love him and give him a kiss before he goes. He has tears in his eyes as he takes one more glance at our daughter. I wish things could be different, but I know that she will be loved beyond all reason. Memphis places my daughter back on my chest, but I barely have the strength to hold her. He places his arm under mine to help me support her and tells me all the things I really need to hear.
“I got her shortcake. Always. I love you so much,” he whispers in my ear, while Lay talks on his phone. I hope it’s East and he’s coming back. I don’t want to leave without him knowing I love him.
“Promise me you will hold them together. I need to know you’ll be okay,” I whisper and he kisses me again, nodding.
I glance down at my beautiful angel and tell her how much I will always love her. I hold my child knowing this is going to be the only moment we will share. My vision gets blurry and the monitors start to go crazy. Jen runs in, grabbing Dallas and handing her to Memphis. Tears fill his eyes as he bends down to kiss my forehead. The door flies open and a lot of voices start shouting. I blink looking at my first love with tears running down his face holding my baby girl. He looks at my doctor and harshly demands, “You save her. I don’t care what we talked about, you better fucking save her.”
Nurses usher him, Xav, and Lay from the room so they can try and save me, but I made my choice months ago when they told me I was dying. One of my routine tests came back abnormal and after many tests they diagnosed me with breast cancer. I had the option to terminate my pregnancy and do treatment, but one thump of her heartbeat and I knew what my choice would be. It was never up for discussion.
Lay looks back at me with so much worry in his eyes and confusion. “Carson what’s going on?” he shouts as they shove him from the room. Xavier takes a swing at one of the nurses, fighting to get to my side, but Memphis grabs his arm and gives him a tug, with the arm not holding a squealing, squirming piece of my heart.
