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“I know, but what about me?” I ask in a broken tone, letting him see how broken up I truly am about everything, but he still won’t look at me. I lean in closer and force his gaze back to mine, but he's not in there. This man in front of me is not the man I fell in love with. He's a shell. I bring my forehead to his and rest it there for a moment.
“I never wanted things to be this way. I’d never planned to switch with East. I couldn’t go through with hurting her, and in the end I did so much worse. I’m so sorry.” I cry, not caring that my tears are soaking his cheeks. “Please don't leave me, Lay. I need you. Now more than ever." I tip his head back and press my lips softly to his before he has a chance to pull away again, then back away and leave his room.
Shutting the door, I lean against the wall and collapse in the hall. The quiet sobs shaking me to my core. A body sits beside me and pulls me into their arms, I don't need to look up to know it's my brother. He’s been constantly calling me, but I’m still so angry at him, and the only phone call I would accept right now is hers. But she’s blocked me twice.
He holds me, gently rubbing my back like he used to do when we were kids. I was always the son that let down our father. The one who he never wanted around. I took a lot of heat as a child and East was always there to help me through it. Never anything as extreme as what Lay went through. I was never as good as his perfect son. Even if we were identical. We just weren’t the same where it counted in his eyes.
"How is he?" E asks softly after I calm down.
"How do you think he is East? He tried to kill himself." An embarrassing whimper leaves my lips, but I don’t care. I almost lost him. I really almost lost him. If I was five minutes later… I need to stop thinking about that. He’s alive. Broken and bruised but alive.
“Fucking Penny. I wish she was the one we buried that night. Then this shit never would have happened,” East snaps loudly, pulling my eyes his way. I scoot away from him and face him directly, glancing around to make sure we’re still alone because what the hell?!? He just said that way too loud.
“Dude. Maybe don’t shout that so loudly. And wait. I’m confused. Since when do you hate Penny? You have been up her ass so far lately. I've been watching for the brown marks,” I scoff and he rolls his eyes, before slamming the back of his head against the wall.
“I honestly thought you of all people would have known what I was doing. Fuck, I guess I fooled everyone. Maybe in the beginning I was excited and happy that she was finally giving me the time of day. But then I met Cara and things changed.” He pauses, clearing his throat, then groans. “I thought if I showed Penny that I was into her and only her, she might leave Cara alone. I noticed the bullying was getting worse when I started to show Cara attention. Even though it was that bitch’s idea.” He rolls his eyes, and it’s such an odd thing to see I snort.
“Fuck man, are we seriously having a gossip sesh slash heart-to-heart on a hospital floor outside Layton’s room?” I ask, starting to realize this is ridiculous. I am way over tired, and Lay should be a part of this conversation. I go to stand but East grabs my arm.
“I understand why we had to do what we did, but that night is never going to stop ruining our lives is it?" he asks in a soft voice. I sit back down and shake my head.
"That night will haunt us until we’re as deep and buried as she is," I mutter, my mind going back to that dark place that I try so hard to forget.
I shiver and lean my head back against the wall, closing my eyes remembering the best night of my life, that also became my current hell.
“Hey, have you seen Lay?” I ask Kyna as I move down the path towards the lake. Senior year baby. Finally we will be the big men on campus. She shakes her head and gives me a subtle once over, blushing when she reaches my eyes.
“No, sorry Jase.” I give her a smile, then keep going down the gravel walkway. Where is he?
A giggle sounds nearby and I slow down. “Come on baby, don't be like that”, my brother says. God he can be annoying sometimes.
“E, I can't. You know I'm saving myself for marriage”, I hear Penny say, with another giggle. I cover my mouth to hide my chuckle. That girl has been whoring herself out for years. I don't know why East can't see she's stringing him along. I overheard my dad talking to hers about them being the perfect match. That they should push them towards marriage. I mentioned it to East later that night and he laughed, then sighed wistfully as if that’s what he dreams will happen someday.
I continue down the path towards the lake and take in the scenery. It's so peaceful here even with the screaming partiers and loud bass. I wish I could stay here instead of going back to the mansions and high society functions. So sick of all the drama lately and the nonstop banquets and dinners.
I reach the dock and find the man of the hour. My best friend and maybe one day my boyfriend? I don’t know, but the feelings I’ve been having towards him lately are not PG.
“Hey, stranger, what are you doing out here? I’ve been looking everywhere for you,” I ask him, but he doesn’t lift his head. Lay gets in these moods sometimes, and I worry that one day I’ll wake up and he won’t be here anymore. That he has let the voices he sometimes tells me about control him. I could murder his dad for what he’s done to Lay all his life.
He is the kindest, most gentle boy I have ever known and would never hurt someone. He never deserved to be raised with such evil. I take the seat beside him and give him a gentle nudge on the shoulder. He trembles, and I wrap an arm around him.
“So, tonight is a big night. We’re finally seniors. I suggest we do something crazy. Wild, even. What do you think?” I ask him, hoping to help him escape his demons for a few hours. Maybe even finally getting to taste his lips.
He gives me a short nod, then gently shifts out from under my arm and stands up. I pop up after and follow him back to the house. “Word on the street is Kyna has some ‘E’, want to try it with me?” I ask him, and he gives me a look full of longing that I don’t really understand, but nods.
I've never done ecstasy before but East has and told me it was an experience unlike anything he’s ever had. I should see if he wants some too. Maybe later. I grab Lay’s wrist and pull him into the house and over to where Kyna is sitting. She’s watching something on her phone and gives us a huge smile when she sees me.
“Hey guys, what's up?” she asks, but I don’t miss the way she's licking her lips and taking in our half-naked bodies. I’m still rocking the swim trunks and a tank from earlier, and Lay is in something similar. He has an incredible body, and I’ve found myself trying not to stare lately. I take a seat next to her and lean closer. Lay stands there looking around to make sure no one is paying attention. They aren’t, too many are making out or hanging outside by the fire.
“So, we heard you have some party favors and we’re thinking of trying something new. How much?” I ask her, and she leans closer to me till our lips are almost pressing.
“Free, as long as I get to party with you guys. Just us,” she says so softly I can’t help the groan at what she’s insinuating. I glance at Lay and his eyes are wide but his nostrils flare. He gives me a small nod, then walks towards the bedroom we claimed for the weekend. I jump up and grab Kyna’s hand taking off after him.
When the door shuts, Kyna turns to me with a coy smile, before taking her bikini off, ”I’ve never done this before,” she giggles with a hiccup. I give her my signature smile and pull her closer to me, dominating her lips. Lay comes up behind her, hesitating. I lean back and give him a wink, grabbing his hands and placing them on her tits. His eyes go wide, and I bite my lip to hide my laugh. He is seriously so adorable. I watch as his eyes fall to my mouth, filling with heat. Kyna moans from Lay’s tight grip, and I lean down, trailing my lips from her neck to her panting chest. Lay goes to remove his hands, but I place mine on top of his. Holding him there. I look up as I run my tongue along a stiff nipple. Kyna’s head is thrown back and Lay can’t take his eyes off me. Not leaving his gaze I run the tip of my tongue over the corner of his thumb, gently biting.
His eyes widen and he gasps, but doesn’t look put off. I’ve been dying to make a move to see if maybe he is into me too. I doubt he feels the same way as me, but I’m hoping maybe during this threesome some lines get blurred. I back away and Kyna groans.
“Why did you stop?” she whines, giving me a pout. I keep walking backwards, loving that both she and Lay can’t keep their eyes from me. I reach behind and grip my tank top, pulling it up and off. I toss it on the floor, then trail my fingers down my rock hard abs. I move my fingers in a come here motion, and I’m shocked when Lay shoves Kyna aside and rushes towards me. She huffs, but doesn’t look too put off.
