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I’m dotting all the “i’s” and crossing the “t’s” before leaving the office for the evening, when Connor texts me.

Connor:How was your afternoon?

Asshole.

Yes, he’s my brother. Yes, I love him and would put my reputation on the line for him (and have). But no, I don’t want to play gossip girl all evening with the A-hole. If he wanted to drink some whiskey and watch the game, that’d be brilliant. But I know better. I put all my files in my briefcase and start heading for the door. Connor’s always the baby brother poking around in other people’s business.

Ned:My afternoon was fine. Now piss off.

I really shouldn’t humor him. I should go home and ignore the incoming barrage of messages, but I know he’s going to show up on my doorstep if I don’t at least respond with something angry and forbearing.

Connor:Was it … tasty? *cake emoji*

Ned:Fuck off.

Connor:Ooooh, hostile!

Ned:I know you and Arie put her up to that.

Connor:Up to what?

Dick.

I lock up the office and head for the parking lot under the building.

Ned:You think you’re amusing.

Connor:Arie seems to think so.

Ned:Don’t get me started on your red-headed succubus. Restraining orders may be inorder.

Connor:What did Olivia do this time? Tie you up?

Ned:Fuck off.

Connor:It was just a tart.

I put my briefcase in my BMW and slip into the driver’s seat.

Connor:Hello?

Connor:Helllooooo?

Connor:It’s my night off. I’m coming to get you and we’re getting a beer.

Like I said, he’s relentless.

Ned:What part of ‘fuck’ and ‘off’ do you not understand?

Connor:I can send Olivia again with the handcuffs if you want me to …

Ned:You’re not going to let up on this are you?

Connor:Nope.

I roll my eyes and turn the ignition. I don’t know why I ever wanted Connor to move to Hawaii and live in the same town as me. I really should have kept an ocean between us.

Ned:Text me the address and then fuck off.