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"The rest of us used the bug spray," Ollie said to me. "We only got a few bites."
"What was all the screaming?" I asked.
"Val started shouting and swatting at the air, then he took off down the trail like a rabid bull on a rampage."
The bull in question straightened and faced me.
And that's when I noticed the red marks all over his body.
I winced. "Oh honey, you ran into no-see-ums, didn't you?"
He nodded, looking miserable.
"Why didn't you use the insect repellent? I warned you about the no-see-ums."
"Didn't see any insects."
"That's why they're calledno-see-ums."
He scratched at a swarm of bites on his chest. "Didn't hear them either."
I bracketed his face with my hands. "Poor Val. You're all bitten up. Don't worry, I'll take good care of you."
Ollie raised his hand. "I got a few bites. Do I get the Evie special treatment too?"
"Sorry, it's for ex-footballer guests only."
I shepherded Val back to the house and made him lie down on my bed on his back. It seemed like the no-see-ums had mainly bitten him on his front side. I snagged a bottle of calamine lotion, a box of cotton swabs, a pill bottle, and a glass of water from the bathroom. Thus armed, I straddled him on the bed.
"Take this," I said, holding out a pink pill and the glass of water.
He eyed the pill with suspicion. "What is it?"
"Don't trust me enough to take it no questions asked, hm? It's an antihistamine." I glanced at his bites. "Maybe you need two pills."
"One will do." He nabbed the pill and the glass, popped the pill into his mouth, and swigged the water. As he set the glass on the bedside table, he said, "Thank you for taking pity on me."
"It's not pity. I've been swarmed by no-see-ums. It's awful." I set to work daubing the lotion onto every single bite with the cotton swabs. "Besides, you're as pitiful and miserable as a lost puppy in the rain."
"Pitiful? The itching might drive me insane, but I am not a lost puppy."
"Relax. I wasn't insulting you. Your misery is cute."
"I'm glad my condition amuses you."
"Shush. I'm working here." I bent to kiss him. "Once I finish tending to your wounds, I'll distract you from your itching."
"How?"
"I was thinking a striptease might do the trick."
Despite his discomfort, he pulled off a naughty smile. "Yes, please."
"Followed by sex."
He grinned. "You're a genius,meu amor."
"I don't think they give out a Nobel Prize for sex."
