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The ding of his phone cut through our intense stare, and I slid off his lap and walked to the side of his desk to retrieve his phone. One flash of the screen showed the next message stating the agreement for the deal. Not a minute later the notification came through about the wire transfer.
Returning the phone to his desk, I didn't bother looking at him.
"Deal secured. Money deposited." I headed to the door.
"Willow."
I didn't stop until I reached the door and held the handle.
"Bye, Dimitris," I replied and was out the door and heading back to my office. The guard opened the door for me and I entered without delay. I stopped a few steps into the office, waiting for the doors to close as I tried to get my brain to think straight.
There has to be something wrong with me.
Running my hands through my hair, I sighed and noticed my sudden height difference.
"Of course," I muttered with an added eyeroll. I swear my body was just fucked up or completely imbalanced and these new meds weren't doing shit. The doors finally closed, and I couldn't help but crouch down in my black-on-black ensemble. My shirt was unbuttoned three buttons down, while my black LV pants were fitted perfectly.
I was probably going to rip them in this position, but I couldn't care right now. I just needed to press my hands against my face, take a few inhales and exhales, and try to overcome this feeling of dread.
This feeling of hopelessness.
It could have been my lack of sleep as of late, or maybe I wasn't drinking enough water. It could be due to the lack of frequent meals, or just the stress of everything happening left and right with no moment of relief.
I didn't want them seeing that I was fucking struggling, and that was what upset me. That I was being caught red-handed and being offered help in a way I didn't ask for. I knew Dimitris was always trying to show he cared.
It was why he always got me fucking flowers no matter what day of the week it was. I probably could get away with making one of the office spaces a flower sanctuary with all the freshly delivered flowers he'd given me.
He showed his compassion through gifts while juggling the essential tasks and problems we carried both on the business level and behind the seasons as the Forbidden. He was the true leader of the pack, and it upset me that I lacked in executing such flawlessness.
He fucking inspired me.
That was what bothered me. The obvious truth that even though I carried the qualities of a Wolf Alpha like my apparent mother and Roberto, I was struggling at executing it. I was frustrated with the thoughts of being in my wolf form but having difficulty with hearing and listening to my pack members’ instructions. The obvious scenarios made me feel like I still lacked in areas I'd begged to retrieve and prosper in.
I feared being inadequate for my Forbidden Pack.
The problem with our current reality was that I wasn't lacking the essential tools to be a proper pack member. I was now a wolf, a powerful one, and I should have been the biggest wild card in our pack.
Yet, I didn't feel an ounce of validation that my potential was even at that level of worthiness, and deep inside, my worst fear kept popping up in my mind.
That I'd be labeled useless...discarded...abandoned. I'd be a true royal outcast.
And then there were the facts I'd yet to figure out about my family. I hadn't seen Ruby or anyone else with connections to the royal pack. I still couldn't recall the memories pertaining to my mother. And the lingering pressure of Roberto's health potentially crashing was just bringing me down mentally.
Dimitris was right. I needed a fucking break to go home and just crash for a few hours and maybe even do some training sessions to get my brain back onto the playing field.
Cage fighting was what helped me think while I pushed my body to new limits. I'd been avoiding going back with everything that was going on around me, but it was one of my coping mechanisms and I had to acknowledge the power it gave me.
The spike of confidence that I could handle anything that came my way.
The soft scent of cologne tickled my nostrils, mixed with the serene scent of a rose.
Opening my eyes and lowering my hands from my face, I saw Dimitris with a rose in his grasp, crouched down to my level.
I could barely breathe as I took in his blank expression. He was trying to hide his emotions, trying to simply act tough for my sake, and I was just being an emotional cannonball.
Slowly taking the rose, I stared at the beautiful pink petals with hints of white.
"We're firing that secretary," I muttered, realizing she'd never brought the flowers he'd obviously picked for me.
