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"You still blame yourself for that?" My question was beyond random, and it took Onyx off guard as he regarded me with a questioning look until he suddenly clicked into what I was referring to. He couldn't hide the hint of pain that flickered through his expression fast enough, but it didn't matter; I saw it with my own eyes.
It was the feeling of heavy regret he still carried over it that was all over me.
"I never blamed you for that. Let go of it. It's the past, one that means nothing with the history we've built. Pain deserves to be temporary, not an ongoing cycle of regrets and worries."
He said nothing, but the slight nod told me he understood what I was saying. I felt rather out of place for speaking as if I were some sort of Alpha at that moment, but it had to be said here and now, so we could finally move on from it.
When the silence grew, it was his turn to take the lead, and he took a final step that forced me to look further up to meet his intense eyes. He was fighting the pulsating lust that was growing by the second as we fought against the great desire to say 'fuck it' and get lost in the joyous passion begging for our undivided attention after awakening our mate bond.
As much as I wanted to do that, we had other things to worry about, and that meant confronting the elephant in the room.
"You're in big fucking trouble, Sugar," he practically seethed, and his eyes pulsed with his wolf energy that only made a big, fat smile form on my lips.
"I know,mate." My response was all that was needed to make this reality settle in. My poor, bulky fucker was struggling hard to not let tears fill his eyes as they grew glassy at my words, but he must not have been able to stand not having me in his arms because he embraced me a second later.
"Now you're really an addiction I can't be cured from," he muttered into my flesh as he held me tightly.
"As if you wanted a cure," I mumbled right back and giggled. "You'd lose your lucidity if I wasn't there to keep you sane."
"If that ain't the truth," Viktor casually muttered.
I pulled back purposely to give my bodyguard in question a look, and the sight of him made memories rush through my mind, which had me pouting. "Wow...okay. So, you're not just a hired assassin to watch over me."
Onyx pulled back then as Viktor slowly nodded.
"We have a lot to discuss, Willow."
"Right," I replied. I didn't have to turn my head to feel Neo's presence now from behind me as a warm cloth of black that shifted to red suddenly rested upon my shoulders. Onyx let me go -a sign of approval- as I turned to give Neo my full attention.
His eyes were open and burning with coursing energy as tiny red magic circles spun in place of his irises. It was hard to not get lost in their mesmerizing pull, but my focus remained on his expression, which didn't hide his multiple emotions now that he was in close vicinity.
"Sweetness," he began as he reached out to touch my cheek. "You just had to be an odd one, now didn't you?"
"If I wasn't, you wouldn't be interested in me, mate," I pointed out. "Who possibly wants a woman with one mate when she can be destined to have two?"
He snickered and shook his head.
"Something we can both agree upon." Very gently, he pulled me into his arms, and I gave into this moment to hug him like I knew everything about this man; his suffering within the world of darkness he viewed both in the depths of his sleep and in the peak hours of wakefulness.
I wondered if this bond could aid in his vision somehow, but in this prime moment of embraced affection, it didn't matter. What did matter was the wholesome feeling of tranquility that was surging through our funnelled connection.
Neo's emotions were a bit trickier to decipher because they moved with such fluidity that they really did mesh together like one flowing river. I could tell he was indeed shocked by the matter, but it was fair to say he was impressed with this new predicament.
His calmness was something he normally carried, so it felt rather comforting to pick up, and though I felt he was holding back, bits of anger were there, too. He was mad that he almost lost his destined mate, and that I played the lead role in that.
When we finished hugging, Onyx held me from behind, while my hands were still in Neo's. I looked to Neo first, hoping he'd sense my attention before lifting my head to look up at Onyx as he acknowledged I had something to say.
"I apologize," I whispered out of weakness, but made sure it was firm enough of an apology that they acknowledged this was being taken seriously. "I...I was tired. Tired of this constant cycle of mental ridicule. Exhausted from always doubting my worth in a pack that deserved a woman who could be one of them. Neither of you nor the pack made me feel inadequate, and though the incident from earlier may have finalized things...I...I'd been planning to end my life for a while."
I could feel their hurt, but I swallowed the lump in my throat and continued.
"It was selfish of me, I understand that, but I knew there would be no way of proving my worth after the confrontation with Dubai's group. I felt...ashamed, and though I knew Alpha Dimitris wasn't in control of those spoken words, I couldn't stop their repetition, and it only aided in my internal demise."
Lowering my head so I could look at my hands, which were being held tightly by Neo's, I shrugged. "It felt right when I did it...but I was reminded when I was sinking into those chilled waters what a fucking fool I was. All the years I’d worked upon myself to be better...do better and ignore the daily words of disgust for myself felt worthless in that moment. But what frightened me the most was accepting that I was losing everything I'd once wished for: being loved, being valued within a pack, my friends, and the family I created in this dark world. My actions would have made wounds that may have never healed, and for that, I'll receive whatever punishment you wish to give me."
The heavy silence was expected, but I didn't expect Neo to lift my head up with his hand beneath my chin.
"Your aura is more captivating when it's not shadowed by regret." His words made my eyes grow glassy, but I couldn't turn away as he inched in enough to brush his lips lightly against mine. The kiss was unexpected, and even at the light touch, the tingles it ignited were felt by both of us.
