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“Ecstasy. Will wake you up real good.”
I shake my head so fast the dizziness comes back. “I’m alright.”
“Suit yourself,” she shrugs. “I’ll be out there if you need me.”
Once we’re back to being alone, Emily turns to me. “How are you feeling?”
“Like my heart broke all over again.”
“Babe,” she sighs. “I’m so sorry. I…What were the chances?”
My stomach twists all over again. “I think I’m gonna be sick.” My mouth can barely form the words before I’m moving toward the toilet. Nothing comes out.
“I don’t know what to do,” I cry again. “My life…everything…” I break down completely and Emily is on me, hugging me tightly. “Everything was him, Em. I gave him everything.”
Sobs wreck my chest as my best friend strokes my hair.
I feel like everything is scrambling down. All the toughness I tried to put up in the last two months. My heart aches too much to focus on any rational thought. I don’t know how long it lasts before I try to talk again.
“What am I gonna do?” I whisper.
Emily pulls away in a sudden movement and holds my shoulders at arm’s length.
“Jamie. You’re not some sort of weak ass bitch. You’re Jamie fucking Williams. You’ve been through worse than a fuckboy breaking up with you and ghosting you. You got your heart broken – and it hurts a fair amount – it’s time to get over the asshole.”
She helps me straighten up before she keeps going.
“So here’s what you’re gonna do. You’re gonna dry those tears.” She puts her hands on my face and wipes my cheeks with her thumbs. “Wow Emma’s makeup is waterproof as fuck,” she comments.
She takes a step back. “Now you’re gonna go back out there, ignore the fucker, and enjoy yourself.”
I shake my head in disbelief as I remember the seconds before Jake showed up. “I was making out with Xijustbefore he arrived. What if he saw?”
“Good!” she exclaims. “Let him see what he fucking lost! You want to have sex with Xi? Go for it! Do things foryourself, ‘Me. Why are you looking at him like he’s some sort of God when we both know he’s some fucked up devil! You’re so much better than him and you know that.”
Emily’s words resonate in my head as I see her open her palm in front of me.
“That guy Dylan gave me half a pill. If you want to do it, I’ll make sure to look after you.” She winks at me.
“You do it,” I sniffle. “But if we get separated, stay close to your phone. I want to be able to reach you.”
“Sure, Mom,” she chuckles. She swallows the half-pill. “Let’s make the most of this night.”
When we come out of the bathroom, nothing has changed. I can’t help looking for Jake amongst the faces, but he isn’t in sight. The house is exactly the same. Turns out parties don’t stop functioning because I’m crying over my ex in the bathroom.
Emily spots Dylan and she looks at me, silently asking if I’m alright.
“Go get him,” I laugh. “I’m fine, seriously.”
And just like that, I’m on my own. I watch as he grabs her hips and brings her to him. She looks at me over his shoulder, mouthing ‘I love you.’
HVME’s version of Goosebumps is playing and I bounce my head to the rhythm. I feel on a little cloud after sobering a little. I sit down on a neglected sofa that smells of beer and let my head fall backward.
What the hell am I doing?
The words of the music dance in my head as I close my eyes. I feel someone sit next to me and something hard and cold presses against my leg.
“You either drank too much or not enough.” Xi’s voice is like honeyed whiskey. It’s incredibly smooth but it sparks fire in my belly.
