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“Am I not?” I say, my bottom lip trembling. I can see the disappointment in her eyes. “Didn’t I?”
“You made a mistake, you chose the wrong person. It’s not too late to turn this all around. You’re going to UPenn in just a few months. He won’t be there, he’ll be stirring trouble somewhere else and you’ll be moving on. He’s a weight you don’t want to carry, ‘Me.”
“I love him,” I whisper in shame.
“I know,” she nods. “And I know how much the first heartbreak hurts. We’ve all been there.” She smiles with the truest smile I’ve ever seen on her. It’s burning with agonizing sadness.
“Was it dad?”
“My first heartbreak? Why, yes of course. That man truly took everything he could out of me. And I survived. So will you.”
She can sense I’m still not on her side, she can sense how strong I feel about Jake. She takes a few seconds before talking again.
“Do you know what it’s like, Jamie? For someone to ring at your door one day just to tell you the love of your life is gone.”
My heart stops. I don’t want to imagine it.
“It’s different,” I try to convince her…or me. “Dad was a cop and…”
“The good or the bad guys…they fight the same war, just on different sides.”
“Mom, with what happened tonight, trust me…I’m ready to fight for him. He’s spent the last months doing everything to protect me and…I want to be there for him, I wanthim.I’m ready to-”
“One day he won’t come back, Sweetie. One day, all this gang activity will be the end of him. And you’ll be alone. All alone, having loved the wrong person and hurting for it. You lost your dad and your brother. I don’t want you to lose him too. You think you’re hurting now? Imagine the kind of pain you will be in if you give this a chance just so he ends up dead one day. And then all your fighting, all this strength you’ve put in it. It’ll all be for nothing. It’s not worth it, Sweetie. It will only end in heartbreak, I know it.”
Have you ever been in this situation? I think it happens to people who have a very close relationship with their parents. When you know something isn’t good for you, but you truly realize it when they point it out. Because you know they have your best interest at heart.
And suddenly it all becomes clear, how much you’ve been hurting yourself and the ones who love you the most.
For what?
I love Jake with all my heart, but how many times will we survive danger getting in the way? Doom follows us wrapped in a dark cloak, waiting to strike when it’ll hurt the most. We’re just not meant to be. He accepted it all this time, it’s my turn.
There will always be something. And it gets bigger every time. Camila, his past, Bianco, Volkov. He got strangled in a fight against Aaron. We almost all lost our lives yesterday.
I simply can’t do this anymore.
“High school sweethearts rarely make it past graduation, Sweetie. It’s nothing wrong with you. And that boy, he put your life at risk too many times. As your mother, I am asking you to take a step back. To leave it for now, go live your life, go to college, get out of this town and make new friends. You need to broaden your horizons.”
I start nodding as tears run down my face.
“I think you’re right.”
She takes me tightly in her arms and speaks softly in my ears. “I will always be there for you.”
She steps back and wipes the tears from my eyes. “I will be waiting for you outside.”
I have to sit down on the bed when she leaves. I need to collect myself before I see Jake. Before I end it all for good. I don’t get to, the door is already opening and I can already feel his presence. It’s powerful, it’s destructive.
Jake
In the space of twenty-four hours, I almost died. Twice.
The first time in the ring. The second when Jamie dropped in front of me, blood pouring out of her arm.
I spent the last few months trying to push her away from me, trying to protect her, trying to put an end to this madness. I spent weeks hating her for sleeping with Nate, jealousy turning my blood black and poisonous. I tried to treat her like a girl I have meaningless sex with. I tried to hurt her, I tried to break her. And I did.
But it is pointless to try to break someone that is already shattered.
