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The growl that rumbles from his chest cuts me off and makes me shiver in fear. I’ve angered him and it’s impossible to forget what he gets like when he’s angry.
“You’re being a very stupid girl, Jamie. I’d suggest you stop talking now.”
“You know what? I am stupid. I was stupid giving in, I was stupid getting involved with Stoneview’s number one fuckboy. And I might have been taken for a fool and,yes, I got my heart broken. But at least it was real. Nothing like our fake relationship. Nothing like the lie you had built for us. Such a good liar, aren’t you?” I taunt.
Stop! Fucking stop!
Keeping on with this conversation is basically suicidal. But I’m angry. I’ve been raging inside for two months. Jake isn’t here for me to take out my anger on and at this moment it doesn’t matter because Nathan deserves at least half of it.
I know there is a reason Jake left and ithasto be linked with Nathan. If he wanted to break up with me, he would have simply done so and kept on going with his life. He would have flirted with other girls in front of me without a care in the world. He wouldn’t have just left.
I startle when Nathan’s other hand lands on my hip in a tight grip. It’s big enough to grab me easily even though there’s not much feminine shape to grab on me. I’m tiny, he’s big and his firm squeeze reiterates that fact well enough. He slowly hardens his grip, crushing me enough that I can’t help a quiet whimper from escaping my lips.
“Stop,” I breathe out.
He ignores my plea and keeps going with his trail of thoughts. “You think you’re better than me? I’m a liar, am I? Who was the little slut seeing someone else behind my back? Granted you didn’t know he was my brother, but you shouldn’t have been seeinganyone.” His grip tightens on the last word, and I squirm under it. “Fuck, Ilovedyou, Jamie.” His voice breaks slightly as he says his last words and my heart somersaults in my chest.
“It was all a lie,” I whisper. I don’t know if I’m saying that to make myself feel better. To take some of the guilt off my shoulders or if I truly mean it.
“Nah, beautiful. That part wasn’t a lie.”
He shrugs his shoulders as if it didn’t mean much when it truly does. I know it because his eyes are back to the ones I used to know. They burn so brightly with love for me that there’s an ache in my chest.
The flame disappears as fast as it came. “So get off your high horse. You’re one of us, Jamie, you’re one of thebadpeople. You hurt others, you use them, and youlovefor your own selfish reasons. You’re no better than me.”
His truth hits hard and I struggle to find my words. Is he right? Am I as bad as him? When I was with Nathan, I was eaten with guilt from what was happening with Jake. The thoughts that were running through my head about Jake were sinful.
That guilt disappeared when I learned of the lies and the manipulation, when I understood who Nathan really was, what he did to his siblings. But that doesn’t make me a better person because I still had those thoughts, and I still entertained a possibility with JakebeforeI knew all of that. Nathan is all sorts of wrong, but I’m not far behind.
I’ve always known I wasn’t a good person deep down. I’ve never been theGoodyeveryone calls me. I respect the rules, I like studying and I am a decent person because that is how my dad raised me. These things were so important to him, and I know I wanted to respect him by being the best person I could be.
But deep down I’ve always been jealous of people with a personality like Rose’s, even if hers was forged out of abuse and roughness, she’s not sorry for who she is. She doesn’t give a shit, she’s rude when she feels like it, does whatever she wants, and doesn’t care who she hurts or how. It’s tough but you know what you’re getting. I wish I was like that.
Instead, I’ve always had this good girl façade and I’m a big disappointment when people find out that I’m just as selfish as anyone. I’m not good. I know that. This is why Nathan became more interesting to me once I knew he was the bad kind.
Mainly, this is why I was so tempted by Jake. This is why I’m attracted to him and his black soul. He’s my soulmate. He’s broken and wicked and it satisfies me. I could never be with someone like Cole, he’s too moral. Deeply moral. Too different from me.
Nathan grasps my attention again when his hands leave my body. He takes a step back and I let out a ragged breath.
Too close.
He was too close.
His gaze is behind me, and I turn around just in time to see a scantily clad girl coming our way. I turn back to Nathan, and I know he noticed my ‘o’ shaped mouth about to ask him who she is when he answers my question.
“Jamie, Emma, Emma, Jamie. Emma works for me.”
“Works for you,” I scoff.
“It’s done,” Emma says, ignoring me.
“Nice bra,” I mutter, looking at the piece of rag she uses as a top.
She scowls at me, and I shake my head at the situation. I shouldn’t be giving another second of attention to Nathan and whatever business he’s got going on.
Emma’s chest is covered with colored tattoos, including a dagger that dips low between her breasts. The letters NSC are tattooed in black on the handle.
North Shore Crew.
