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He takes a deep breath and his eyes soften slightly.
“ Ihatethe guy because…” he scratches his throat. “Camila cheated on me with Landon. Multiple times over the two years we were together. And then when I moved on and had my eyes on you, he made a move on you too. So no, I’m not abig, bad bully, Jamie. If he thinks he can show up to my parties and fuck my ex in the guest bedroom, he’s got another thing coming, trust me.”
I gulp a little too loudly. I didn’t know that. That…that must have hurt quite a lot. I can hardly believe beautiful Jake White, king of our school, feels threatened by bottom of the school Landon.
“I thought you didn’t even know he existed before that day at the cafeteria,” I say softly. He’s just made himself so vulnerable by admitting what happened.
“Oh, I knew, believe me.” His voice turns dark again. “So instead of always thinking youknoweverything because you believe you’re Nancy Drew, try to stay in your lane. You thought you were such a brave girl tonight, didn’t you? Next time you try to put yourself between me and some asshole I’m beating up, I will correct your fucking behavior in front of everyone. That clear?”
Of course he has to go back to being an asshole, that talk was a bit too genuine for him. Just one too many feelings.
I let out a loud laugh, cackling like a goose to show I’m mocking him.
“Correct my behavior? You really think I’m ever going to let you touch me again?”
“I don’t know,” he shrugs. “But you know what’s great about us? I never ask your opinion about what I do to you. I wanted you scared and you started fearing me.”
He takes a step closer, and I take one back.
“I wanted to fuck you and you let me.”
Another step for him, another for me. The anticipation growing in my lower belly is everything I hate about myself.
“I wanted you to fall for me and you fell like a toddler trying to learn how to walk. But you know what the best part of all that is, my little Angel?”
He takes another step but when I try to take one back, I can feel a bed behind my knees. So I freeze and look up at him, jutting my chin, holding my head high as I look at him.
“The best part is you love it enough to always come back for more. Like a little masochist desperate for me to hurt her over…and over…and over again.” He pushes me hard and I fall on the bed.
“That’s not true,” I breathe out as my back bounces on the mattress. His strong form is on top of me before I can move back up.
Did I even try to move back up?
He puts both hands on the mattress, on either side of my face, and looks down at me, his mouth way too close to mine.
“Tell me, Angel, if you’re not always desperate for more pain. Why didn’t you scream for help when Lik and I broke into your hotel bedroom? Why did you let Emily leave you alone with me tonight? Why aren’t you pushing me away right now?”
“I–”
Because no matter what you do to me, I want you back.
Because I still think I can change you.
Because I can’t move on.
Because I still love you.
“Why, Jamie?”
His voice is so harsh right now, it’s not smug anymore. I can’t even look him in the eyes. I know he knows why. It’s embarrassing, but it’s the truth.
“Why don’t you push me away?” he repeats.
I look up at him, his eyes are so hard on me he could break me with a look. Heisbreaking me. He always does that.
“Push me away, Jamie.” This time, it’s an order.
I can’t, Jake.
