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I’ll find Emily and let Jake know where we are exactly. As I pass two loungers, I notice two girls arguing in hushed voices. It doesn’t take me long to recognize Rose’s husky whisper and Rachel’s sweet voice.
“…but I won’t stop seeing him, Rach’, you gotta understand that,” Rose says.
I stop a second in the dark because my curiosity is stronger than anything else and I’m sure Emily will love to hear about it.
“It’s different to see him and to not want to tell me where you are or what you do with him. You go completely M.I.A. on me when you’re with him, Rose, that’s not okay. Surely even you can comprehend that?” Rachel’s voice is calm and composed and it contrasts with Rose’s unpredictable personality.
They’re sitting in complete darkness and I have to squint my eyes to see that they’re sitting opposite each other and Rose is holding both of Rachel’s hands in hers like she’s afraid she’s going to fly away like those helium balloons you get at the fair. Rose throws her head back in a groan.
“You know I hate when you talk to me like I’m some sort of fuckboy or something. Yes, Rachel, I can comprehend that you don’t like it when I don’t reply to you when I’m with Sam. I get busy, that’s it.”
“Can you hear yourself right now, Rose?” Rachel’s voice rises and I don’t think I’ve ever heard it above a calm tone. “You get busy, is that your explanation? Is that why you disappear for whole nights and days? How do you think I feel when Jake calls me because he thinks you’re with me and you’re with him instead? Where do you guys go? What do you do with him?”
Rose runs her hand through her hair, and I can’t see, but I can imagine her jaw ticking like Jake’s does.
“Why does it matter? We chill, he’s my friend.”
“Fine,” Rachel almost shouts. She pulls her hands away from Rose’s and gets up. “Since you want me to spell it out because you’re such a shady bitch: Do you cheat on me with him? Have you ever? Just tell me the fucking truth, I swear don’t make me feel like I’m crazy for asking this.”
Rose doesn’t raise her voice. She stays calm. “No. I would never cheat on you, you know that. Why you even ask is beyond me.”
“Beyond you? I ask because you don’t share shit. I ask because you’re a liar and you know you are. You would rather lie than get in trouble. To me, to your brother, to everyone.”
“I lie when it’s necessary. When I don’t want to chat about pointless shit. You know me better than anyone Rach’, you know if I think a conversation will lead nowhere then there’s no point having it.”
Rose slowly gets up and puts a hand on each side of Rachel’s face.
“I love you. I’d never cheat on you. I’ve known Sam since I was a little girl. He’s a constant in my life. But he lives in a world that’s so different from ours, I just have to adapt. I have to because I don’t want to not see him. I don’t want to lose him again.”
“His world is not that different. You spent half of your night tonight with him. He’s at the same party as us. In fact, he’s never really far.”
“Yeah, I spent half the night arguing with him,” Rose scoffs.
“Stop finding excuses!”
There’s a long silence and I’m about to leave when Rachel’s words make my curiosity take over my common sense.
“Do you love him?” Rachel’s voice is barely audible anymore like she’s ashamed of asking it.
“Baby, no one compares to you.”
“Answer the question, Rose.”
“I,” Rose gets closer to Rachel. They’re so close I think they’re kissing for a second but when I hear Rose’s voice again, it’s clear they’re not. “Yes. But not like I love you. I don’t think so.”
“You don’t think so?” Rachel rips herself away from Rose. “You don’t think so?”
“Rach, please–”
“No. I gave you everything. My energy, my tears…my heart. Do you know what love is? It’s putting up with your girlfriend’s lies. With the missing info. It’s putting up with the breaks so you can go fuck some other girls out of your system. It’s seeing Jason every day when I know he fucks you behind Beth’s back whenever you grant him the chance. It’s soothing you from nightmares every night when you won’t even tell me why it scares you to close your fucking door.” Rachel takes a ragged breath, her voice broken by soft sobs.
“It’s seeing past the fact that you escape all your fucking problems with drugs and meaningless sex. That’s love, Rose. And I gave you all I had of it. All of it. But you wouldn’t know because you’re broken. I’m so sorry because I don’t know what made you this way, but you’re so fucking broken and I’m done trying to fix you.”
Rachel’s words are so strong they hit me hard. I can’t see Rose’s reaction. I can only see her taking a step back like she’s just been stabbed in the chest.
With a voice lower than usual she keeps her reply simple. “You’re right. And it’s not fair to you.”
Rachel lets out a cold chuckle. “Why am I even surprised you’re not fighting to save us? You just accept it. It’s that easy.”
