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“You lied to me. Our relationship was based on nothing but lies and that is your fault.”
“Who gave me away? That morning you were fine, then I get out of the shower and you suddenly see a tattoo you had missed hundreds of times before. Who was it? Who told you?” he seethes. “Was it, Jake?”
I hadn’t even thought about this again. That unknown number…it must have been Jake, who else?
“I don’t know,” I shake my head. “It was an unknown number.”
I push at his chest and thankfully he’s drunk enough to stagger back. He lets go of my jaw but not my wrist. I pull at it and try to snatch it back but there’s nothing to do.
“I won’t let you go, ‘Me,” he slurs, and I know he’s not talking about my wrist. “I fucked up. I fucked up so bad. Please, I’ll tell you anything you want to know. The whole truth. Fuck, I’ll do anything.”
The anger boiling in me threatens to overflow and I stand stronger, feeling a sort of courage I had never felt before. It’s about time I tell at least one of the White brothers they can’t play with people like toys.
“I want you to leave. That’s what you can do,” I say in a voice cold enough to make his eyebrows rise in surprise. The fact that I got to him refills my cup of courage. “If you think after burning my notebook, after all the lies and deceptions we still have a chance…You must think I really am a stupid girl. We’re over, Nathan. Now just leave before this goes too far.” The threat in my voice makes it sound like he’s the one in danger if it goes too far when we both know it isn’t true.
I expect him to retaliate. Instead, he takes a few deep breaths and lets go of my wrist. “I’m only leaving because it’s not the right moment to talk. I’m fucking drunk and beaten up but this conversation is not over.”
I don’t reply because this is over. To me, there is nothing more to say but I need him to leave my house. He heads towards the door and looks at me one last time. His dirty blond hair is messy and not in its usual bun, his button-up shirt is undone from his suit pants and he’s looking at me like he’s carrying the pain of the whole world on his shoulders.
“You’re making a huge mistake, ‘Me. You two simply can’t work. He’ll break your heart.”
It’s too hard to stay calm. I’ve lost that naïve innocence I had only a few weeks ago. Who does he think he is telling me what to do or not to do? He’s been lying for months. It’s like I don’t know him, and I feel stupid and dirtied having let someone I didn’t truly know touch me the way I’ve let him.
“You want to talk about breaking my heart?!” I snap. “I was attacked by Volkov’s guy for fuck’s sake. At my workplace. Just because you’re oh so important to Bianco and I was important to you. You put me in danger by hiding the truth.”
I was surprised when a Wolf came to the café. To attack me? Finish the job after so long? No, it wasn’t possible. When I understood how involved Nathan was with them, it made more sense. But he let me believe it, let me fear for my life thinking they were coming after me. They weren’t, they were after him.
“You came here last time, threatened me, and destroyed my work under the pretense of protecting me. You’re either stupid or naïve, the only person the Wolves are after is you. You want to protect me? Stay away. You’re only a danger to me.”
The flash of pain on his face only lasts a second but it’s enough to know I’ve hit hard. He lets out a desperate chuckle and his chin falls to his chest. He shakes his head as he brings it back up and looks at me with a mocking grin. Like he knows secrets I don’t, like he understands things I would never.
“And you think Jake isn’t? You think he’s such a good guy, don’t you?”
Good guy is not the first thing that would come to my mind when I think of Jake. But the more I get to know him, the more I think it’s possible for him to be good to me at least.
“Fuck,” he huffs. “If you knew the things he’s done. You might not choose me, but you definitely wouldn’t choose him either.”
He exits without looking back. I thought I had won this round, but his last words leave me with a thousand questions and a hint of regret at the back of my mouth.
If you knew the things he’s done…
???
I’m looking at my silky dark green dress in the mirror of Jake’s room and shrug. This isn’t exactly the dress I wanted to wear but it’s not like I could have afforded the other one. Jake offered to pay but I refused. I worked hard to buy myself a dress for the winter ball and I’ll go with what I can afford.
The three weeks coming to the Christmas break have been emotionally confusing. Jake and I are spending every single minute outside of school together and he is slowly making his way into my heart for a whole new reason than he already had.
Before we decided to give each other a chance, he was my drug because of the physical reactions he was getting out of me. He was my dirty secret that I wouldn’t allow myself to fall for. He was in my every thought because he was forbidden.
Now…now it’s a whole different story. The cravings are heightened, the drug-induced states he puts me in are addictive, but the way my heart reacts around him is indescribable. The drunken feeling I get when he opens up to me, when he takes care of me, when he deposits butterfly kisses on my cheeks out of nowhere or when his dimples pop out as he laughs, is an experience out of this world. It has become almost impossible to keep away from him in front of others and Luke and Rose have been begging us to stop hiding because everyone knows something is going on.
Of course, I haven’t forgotten Nathan’s words, but I don’t believe them. The Jake I’m in love with is the one I want to believe in, not the poisonous lies his brother spreads. I am well aware of Jake’s dark side, of the things he’s done, to me especially. But I’m also witnessing the way he blooms when he’s with me.
I didn’t tell him Nathan came to my house. The day after, when I saw his and Chris’ grazed knuckles, I didn’t say anything. I know there are things Jake doesn’t want to talk about, and I reserve the right to keep this for myself too. There is no point discussing Nathan anymore, it’s in the past. All I’m focusing on is the way Jake is slowly letting go of his old demons and turning into a truly happy person. Knowing I’m the one doing this to him erases any other mistakes we’ve both made to get where we are now. I might be fucked up thinking this way, but I don’t care, we’ll be fucked up together.
I accepted going to the Winter ball with him, and tonight we’re not going to hide anymore. I don’t care what Camila thinks. I don’t care about the jealous stares and the guys who think he’s settling down while I’m punching above my weight. I’m in love with him and the only thing that does scare me is that he might not love me back.
“You look like…an angel.” Two arms slither around my waist as I look up to see Jake standing behind me in the mirror. “My angel,” he continues before dropping a kiss on the top of my head.
