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CHAPTER 10
‘I loved you in spite of
Deep fears that the world would divide us’
Dancing With Our Hands Tied – Taylor Swift
Jamie
When we get to the top of the falls, Jake has already made me feel better. I had no idea this was a possibility, but his rare goofiness makes me crack a laugh even when I don’t want to. The unlimited kisses might help too. He insisted I shouldn’t seek revenge on my brother and dad, just like Emily did.
I’m really starting to see we are much alike. He is angry at the world too. Despite what he said, he is affected by not knowing his birth parents. It’s only natural. He told me he looked for them when he moved to the Murrays. He was always told that he wasn’t allowed to be given any information until he turned eighteen, but even after that, he doesn’t know if there is actual information to be given. He’s come to accept that he shouldn’t look for them, especially if they didn’t want to be found, and he promised me that doing the same with Aaron would help me heal.
I told him what happened at the Bakers’ shop helped me realize that I would put myself in danger looking for him, but closure doesn’t come overnight. I wonder if it will ever come as long as Volkov isn’t dead or in prison.
We get to the barrier at the edge of the falls and we both hold onto it to look down. It’s beautiful and the sound of the water crashing all the way down is therapeutic.
“When we moved to Stoneview, Hannah and Thomas used to take us here all the time. Ozy got sick of the hike up after like, two times. I hated the walk but was so thrilled by the view that I knew it was always worth it.”
Still looking at the drop in front of me, I smile imagining Rose and Jake being unbearable until they reached the gorgeous view. I turn to look up at him, but he doesn’t notice. He’s clearly lost in the memory, a nostalgic smile on his lips.
I rest my head on his arm and he puts it around me to bring me closer until I’m nestled against his side.
“I owe the Murrays so much, you know,” he whispers.
I let a moment pass before asking the question burning my lips. “How bad was it at Bianco’s?”
I sense his body tightening and I look up to see his jaw ticking. Way to ruin the moment.
He runs a hand up my back and all the way to my hair. “Bad.” His grip slightly tightens as he pulls my hair to make me look up at him. “It was so fucking bad, Jamie.”
“You can talk to me about it. You can let it out, Jake. You don’t have to hold onto the anger.”
“I’m thankful you opened to me, Angel. I really am, but I can’t talk about that. My childhood with Bianco…the words simply don’t cross my lips. It’s physically impossible.”
His other hand grabs my jaw, and he bends down to take over my mouth. I melt at the touch of his lips on mine.
The kiss becomes savage and possessive, and I whimper when he bites hard on my lip. He pulls away from my mouth and rests his forehead on mine.
He keeps a hand on my jaw but the other leaves my hair to wrap gently around my throat. He rubs his thumb up and down and I feel my whole body tingling. Right here, right now I just want to be his. I just want to chase his demons away and free him from the past that’s holding his happiness back.
“I don’t want to hurt you, Jamie. I promise you, I don’t. But I think I need to.”
I don’t understand his statement. Yes, he’s rough and yes, he’s got his demons, but I know he would never truly hurt me. I can feel it in my bones.
“I know you won’t hurt me,” I whisper, our mouths so close I’m tempted to close the gap.
“You don’t know what I used to do. Who I’ve hurt. The violence.”
I’m brought back to when Rose shouted her truths at Nathan. When she accused him and Bianco of getting Jake into underground fights.
“I know about the fights,” I reveal.
He chuckles, but it’s as sarcastic as it can get. It’s sad and desperate.
“Those were only the last year we were with him. I think they were the easiest part.” He takes a step back. “Nate and Sam being back in my life…fuck, Jamie, I’m scared. I’m scared because I know they’re starting a war with the Wolves for Bianco. And I know they want me in. If not now, when things start heating up, they’ll need me and who knows what they’ll use against me to do their bidding. Who knows who they’ll use.”
I’m shocked. The fear in his eyes is real. He’s scared of them. He’s scared of me being caught up in this. Images of Nathan beating Volkov’s guy to a pulp for touching me flash in my head like a nightmare. For some reason, I trust Jake will do everything in his power for me to stay safe. For some reason, knowing, unlike Nathan, he doesn’t want this life is reassuring me. I close the space he’s put between us and go on my toes, putting a hand on each side of his face.
