AllFreeNovel
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I skip other videos of the party. People need to stop posting five-hour-long stories. There’s a video of a guy taking body shots on Cam and I can’t even pretend to care because I really don’t. Is that what Chris wants me to see? The next video answers my question.
Rose is threatening a guy about twice her size. She looks high off her face and keeps rubbing her nose with her index finger. Coke really makes one brave because that guy doesn’t look like he’s joking around. I can’t help but chuckle hearing her shout ‘put a hand on my girl again and I’ll make you swallow your own balls, asshole’. Fuck, she was so far gone. I check when it was posted. Two hours ago. Great.
I leave Instagram and call my sister right away. She better be alive, she’s gonna give Chris a heart attack one day.
“The fuck you calling me for?”
“Chris is worried,” I reply.
“I don’t think he wants to know what Rach and I have been doing.”
I try to refrain from laughing. “There’s a video of you threatening some big guy on Beth’s story. So, Rachel’s your girl now?”
She laughs. “We have a new agreement. You should have seen Carlo trying to talk me out of punching that dude’s face.”
I hear her sniff and I know she’s probably still high.
“Where are you?”
“That door across the hall from yours, that’s my room.”
I hear Rachel complaining in the background and I know it’s my cue.
“Have fun coming down tomorrow,” I conclude.
“Make sure Jamie grabs her clothes back from the living room before I get out of bed. We share that sofa, Jake. That’s nasty.”
When I hang up and turn back to Jamie, she’s fallen back asleep. In two years of seeing Camila on and off, she has never slept in my bed. I always walked her out after sex. I would never really sleep at hers either, I like sleeping on my own. I usually don’t want anyone to be next to me when I wake up from a nightmare that reminded me of the fucked-up years at Bianco’s.
I’m forced to realize that in two months, Jamie’s slept in my bed twice and for some reason, it doesn’t bother me. She could stay all day if she wanted.
I don’t get how I feel about her. I’m not stupid, I know how my body reacts; her lavender scent is hypnotizing and the touch of her skin addictive. Her moans are the most sensual sound, playing with her has become more than my favorite pastime.
But I don’t get my feelings. I don’t get feelings in general. That’s not how I function because it has been beaten out of me. All I know is some people I like, some people I don’t care about. Chris and Luke have adapted to me, I can laugh and be myself around them. To me, that means I love them, even if I don’t feel that strongly about them. I’ve associated the fact that they know and accept me with love. The same way I’ve associated protecting my sister with love. I know it angers me when she isn’t well or when I miss her. That’s love, right?
Something goes further with Jamie. It’s more than anger when she’s not around, it’s something lacking in me. I used to carelessly play with her, I did my thing and it didn’t really matter if it hurt her body or her feelings. Except I’m getting slightly addicted to it. And it’s not just that, something pinches inside me if anyone other than me hurts her. Something, somehow drives me insane when she dares live through everyday life without me. So surely, if I feel something for her that is stronger than for the people I love…then I must be in love.
I chuckle to myself, running a hand through my hair. Good fucking luck with that, Angel. Because I’m not about to let go of the only person who makes me feel something after years of being ingrained it was forbidden to do so.
I lay down next to her and spoon her from the back. She feels so small next to me, I want to keep her like this forever and protect her from the big bad world outside. The problem is, who’s going to protect her from me?
