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His eyes have lost the spark they used to shine with when I was around. Now, there’s only indifference. And that’s the worst of them all.
Jake takes three big steps towards me and Rose. He grabs his sister by the arm and pulls her out of the way. He has no idea he’s pinching already existing bruises that Bianco put there. “Do you have to get in the way of everything?” he growls at her.
“You’re hurting me, asshole,” she snarls.
“Yeah, well I’m trying to get her to leave and you’re in the way. Now, Jamie, if you don’t mind.”
I realize this is it and I look at him one last time. “This is not how it was meant to be, Jake. I love you,” I try in a desperate last attempt.
I might look ridiculous, and this might be the most humiliating moment of my entire life, but it turns out, I can’t let this go. The moment I close this door, it’s over and I’m not ready for that. I can’t let him go. I can’t live without our moments together, without his smile and kisses. I’ve given him my whole heart and my life is nothing without him. I shouldn’t have, but I did. He became my entire life and I have nothing if not for him.
“It wasn’t meant to be any sort of way, Jamie. You were just another name on the list.”
I can’t take any more. I put one foot outside and as soon as I pass the door, I run. I run so fast my heart is begging to be let out of my rib cage and my lungs are on fire, filled with thick smoke. I run until my feet hurt and my eyes stop crying. I run so much that my shoes feel useless, and my knees are ready to shatter. I know I’ve run more than four miles when I recognize my street.
I push one last time and reach my door. I feel like I haven’t been here in ages.
I have no idea how long ago I last saw Jake, but it already feels like an eternity. I find my keys and take my time to open the door. Everything is going to feel so lonely. It already does.
Once inside, I close the front door and lean my back on it. I’m about to break down in cries again when a small noise makes me aware that I’m not alone in the house.
“Hello?” I say in a shaky voice. I take one step towards the kitchen.
I take another step toward the kitchen, my instincts warning me of imminent danger.
“Surprise!” Mom and Emily jump out from behind the counter as my heart almost stops in my chest. “Happy Birthday!” They both scream again.
“Mom?” I say as I struggle to comprehend what’s happening.
“Jamie, sweetie, are you okay?” My mom asks as she rounds the counter to join me.
I can only shake my head ‘no’ as everything overwhelms me. She takes me in her arms, and I feel the weight of the last few months suffocating me.
“Where’s everyone else?” I hear Emily behind my mom.
“Baby, what’s wrong?” mom asks, her voice filled with concern.
But I can’t reply. I’m crying so hard my sobs are choking me. She’s here, with me, at the moment I need her the most and my heart swells with relief despite the sadness that’s overtaken me.
My mom is back. That was my big surprise. She’s back, I’m safe and Jake White broke my heart on my eighteenth birthday.
