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Chapter 23
RACHEL
Well,it’sfinallycome. Graduation day, that is. The only problem with it is…I’m not graduating. I expected this. I’m not surprised at all. But it still hurts, knowing I should be celebrating with my friends. And I guess I am. I wouldn’t be here—at this small, dingy karaoke bar I have never been to—if I didn’t want to celebrate their success.
I didn’t even know this place existed. Maybe it’s new? Windows line most of the walls. There’s a disco ball attached to the middle of the ceiling, flashing glittering specks everywhere. The place is filled mainly with Charlie and Lauren’s friends and family dressed in sequins. There are a few outsiders lingering near the bar, dressed in all black, blending into the shadows. At the bar, I see Hunter, Lucas, and Seth talking among themselves, dressed in mismatched sports attire, standing out in the crowd. Alex isn’t here. He’s at home with Maria. Part of me wishes I’d stayed home as well. Being here hurts too much. I just wish I would have achieved my degree at the same time as them.
I force a smile while I watch Charlie and Lauren dance on the small stage in the corner while screaming into the microphone. I don’t recognize the song. I think it’s some old indie pop. Maybe Mom would know, but I have a feeling I won’t remember any of the lyrics tomorrow. They’re still dressed in their caps and gowns.
The whole day has been a blur. First, I met Charlie and Lauren in the stadium, watching them get dressed before disappearing among the crowd of purple. Then there was the whole graduation thing, filled with speeches, handshakes, and pictures, soon followed by a catered lunch at some fancy restaurant Charlie’s parents hosted. Somehow we wound up here, and I have a feeling the bros and I are the only ones not completely trashed. And yes, I probably sound judgy thinking that, but I’m very jealous. I’m not afraid to admit it.
Yes, there is a big part of me that is happy for them. They worked hard for their degrees. Both of them are so skilled. They even have careers beginning soon after this, with Charlie going to New York and Lauren going to an art gallery. I’m so proud of them. But there’s another part of me that’s disappointed in myself for not trying harder, for not putting in more time and work in order to graduate on time. Don’t get me wrong, I worked my ass off. After my maternity leave ended, I went back to school, studied, worked a few hours at the café, and found time to take care of Maria while finishing my school projects. All I have to do is earn a few more credits—particularly in French and Art History—and then I’m done.
I still feel like I could have done something more to be able to graduate today.
“Hey,” I hear Seth say, feeling his arm on my shoulders, “you okay?”
“Yeah,” I say while forcing a smile. “Why?”
“You haven’t said much all day,” says Hunter, coming to my other side.
“And you’ve been frowning a lot,” Lucas adds, coming to face me. “Too much, I might add.”
“You want to head home?” Seth asks. “We’ve been celebrating all day.”
“For at least ten hours,” Hunter groans. “I know I’m ready to leave.”
“Shit! Really?” Seth shouts while seizing his phone and looking at the time. His eyes widen and he gapes at the screen. “Holy fuck! It’s really that late?” He turns to us. “Do you think Alex is okay? Should we head home?”
I make a face and return my gaze to Charlie and Lauren, who are still dancing and singing. “I don’t think I should. I’ve barely talked to Charlie and Lauren. I think they would be upset if I left.”
“Honestly, they’re so drunk,” Lucas says while crossing his arms, “I don’t think they’ll notice.”
“Why don’t you go home, Seth?” I say while taking Seth’s hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. “You’re clearly over it, and Alex definitely needs a break. I’m also surprised he hasn’t called for backup.”
Although, knowing Alex, he probably wanted the alone time with Maria. He’s been feeling down these days, worried Maria doesn’t like him because he’s often at photoshoots or traveling around the world. He probably didn’t call because he was hoping to bond with Maria. I don’t think Maria dislikes him, she just barely knows him. But there is plenty of time. She’s only six months old. I’m sure they will grow closer the older she gets.
“Are you sure you will be okay?” Seth asks, but I can tell he’s hoping I will say yes. His gaze keeps going to the exit. Hunter looks like he wishes he could join.
They can all go home without me. I will be fine on my own, I’m not a child. But I can tell they’re worrying about me. Most likely Hunter and Lucas will stay until I give the go-ahead, no matter how late that might be.
I force another sweet smile and place a chaste kiss on Seth’s mouth. “I’m fine. Now, go.”
Seth purses his lips, glancing between me and the door. “Because you know you’ll be graduating soon, right? You’re totally allowed to feel disappointed, but that doesn’t mean you’re not getting your degree.”
“Yeah, Seth’s right,” Lucas says with a curt nod.
I raise an eyebrow. They sound like they have been rehearsing this. Is that what they were doing at the bar? Figuring out a way to make me feel better? I would be happy, but it’s seriously kinda annoying how they worry about me all the time.
“You’ll be graduating at the end of August,” adds Hunter. “That’s only…” Hunter pauses and counts on his fingers before finishing with, “Three-and-a-half months away.”
“That’s not long at all,” Seth says, his tone way too bright.
I roll my eyes. “Guys, I’m fine,” I say for what feels like the hundredth time. “I’m just…a little disgruntled.”
“Disgruntled!” I hear Charlie shout from behind me.
I stifle a frustrated sigh as I feel arms coming around my shoulders and waist. Looking left and then right, I see Charlie and Lauren on either side of me, clutching to me as if they’re worried I’m about to leave.
