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Chapter 19
SETH
Itrudgeupthe driveway toward the house. All the lights are off except for the living room. Its glow seeps through the windows, like a light at the end of a very long, dark tunnel. I opened and closed today. And yesterday. And the day before. I’ve been opening and closing more and more in order to help pay for bills and save up for the personal trainer certificate, which seems to move further from my reach despite all the hard work I’ve been putting in. My money seems to be mostly going to diapers and maybe some baby clothes. Sure, I could probably have Hunter and Alex pay for a bit more, but Maria is my daughter. I should be the one taking care of her the most, providing for her financially, and saving for her college.
And I should be the one spending the most time with her instead of Lucas and Alex. They both seem to spend the most with her. They get to see her crawl, move her head, laugh, and smile. She’s reached all these milestones and I’ve been barely there to witness them. What will happen when she walks? When she says her first word? Will she even recognize me as her father.
Something has to change, I decide while unlocking the door and stepping inside. I cannot continue like this. I will either need to get a higher paying job or decide I will never be able to save up for the certificate. Or I will need to let go of my pride and let Alex pay for more. He’s offered way too many times, and I, stupidly, have always told him no. I don’t think I can do that anymore.
“Hey!” I hear Alex call from the living room. He glances over his shoulder, currently sitting on the couch, reading a book. His eyes light up as he meets my gaze and he all but bounds out of the couch and runs to me. “You’re finally home!”
I chuckle and lean into his touch, loving how warm he is. “Yeah. I survived. Barely.”
“Are you going running?” Alex asks while stroking my hair. “I just got back about twenty minutes ago, but I can go for another. A slow one,” he adds. “I can’t get an injury before my next shoot.”
I groan and shake my head. Running now would kill me. I’m too exhausted. I would probably trip over my feet and crash headfirst into a tree. “I’m too tired,” I say instead. “Maybe tomorrow morning?”
He raises an eyebrow. “Maybe? That’s not like you.” He tilts my face side to side. “Are you sure you’re Seth? An alien hasn’t beamed the real you on its ship and replaced you with a copy?”
“No,” I say with a yawn, too tired to give him a snarky reply.
Alex’s frown deepens and he pulls away from me, his hands going to his hips, meaning that I will probably hate everything he’s about to say. “I’m worried about you.”
“Well, you shouldn’t be,” I say while walking around him to the couch, throwing myself into it.
Honestly, I’m so tired I could probably sleep here. And it might be for the best. I’m already dressed for work and the door is a thirty-second walk away. I could wake up tomorrow at seven and be all set to open again.
Alex, unfortunately, has followed me and is standing in front of me, his knees nearly touching mine, his hands still on his hips. He’s scowling down at me now. I probably deserve it, yet I can’t think of why. I’m too tired to think right now.
“You’ve been taking too many shifts,” he nags. “Why?”
I shrug and lean back into the cushions, my eyes nearly shutting, but I know if I close them now I will go straight to sleep and Alex will be pissed. “I need to make money somehow.”
“But why?”
“What the fuck do you mean, ‘why?’” I ask, my eyes snapping open. I jump up from the couch, wobbling on my feet, which totally takes away the effect of me being mad, especially when Alex grabs my hands to stabilize me. I hate the way he’s looking at me—all worried and loving. I hate how much I hate it, because I know he cares for me and is merely worried. I would be too if our situations are switched.
“Food doesn’t put itself on the table,” I grumble while looking away from him.
Alex is still holding my hands, lacing his fingers with mine. He gives me a gentle squeeze before saying, “I know that, but you can at least rely a bit more on me.”
“Maria is my daughter. I should be the one providing the most for her financially.”
Alex sighs and strokes my cheek. “You should be there for her physically as well.”
I bristle but bite my tongue as a tirade of “fuck you’s” and “fuck off’s” attempt to crawl their way up my throat. Alex is right. I should be here. I hate that I’m not here. I was just kicking myself five minutes ago for working so much. I’m never going to get the time back I’ve missed.
“I miss you,” Alex whispers. I still as I feel his lips brush my temple. “It’s like you’re here and you’re not.”
“I know,” I breathe.
His lips graze my forehead and I close eyes, breathing him in, wishing I wasn’t too tired to touch him. It’s been a while since we’ve been able to be alone. I think since Valentine’s Day. It’s also been a while since I touched Rachel. Both make me ache.
“Maybe you can take some time off,” Alex says, and my eyes open at that, knowing there is no way I can take a break right now. I’ve already taken on the next two weekends, but there is so much hope in Alex’s gaze, so much love. “I have a photoshoot coming up. It’s in the mountains. Maybe you and Rachel can come. We can have some alone time together.”
I shake my head, hating the sadness seeping into Alex’s blue gaze. “I can’t. I really need the money.”
“Seth—”
