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Chapter 18
RACHEL
Iwatchthecrib while the hum of the breast pump fills my room. I hate that I have to do this, but it’s the only way Maria can be fed while I’m at school. Part of me feels guilty. I should be here with her, spending as much time with her as possible, but I know I will regret not finishing school. It’s almost done. I only have a few more credits I need to get before I graduate, and then I will work from home as an artist. Hopefully. It honestly depends on how things go.
Once I have enough to fill a few bottles for today and tomorrow, I unhitch the device from me and continue with my morning routine, which includes singing to Maria and rocking her to sleep. It’s one of my favorite things to do. She stares up at me sweetly while I pick her up, cradling her to me. She’s gotten so big. It’s terrifying how fast she’s growing. It feels like just yesterday she was this small, sweet little thing, and now she’s so big and plump with a head full of wild dark hair, just like her father. I can’t believe that in one more month she’ll be six months old. Time is flying by so fast.
“Are you ready to spend the day with Daddy Lucas?” I ask her while striding through the hall and carefully walking down the stairs. “He’s looking forward to playing with you all day.”
Maria blinks up at me in response. I poke her nose and she giggles, her hands punching the air. She grabs one stray tendril and gives it a sharp tug. I clench my jaw to keep from grimacing, yet it doesn’t deter her from tugging again, harder this time.
“Please tell me you have coffee for me,” I say while entering the kitchen and gently unraveling my hair from Maria’s hands.
Lucas perks up. He’s leaning over the counter, pen in one hand, coffee in the other. He had been staring down at a notebook before I came in. Now he’s staring at me, his bloodshot eyes conveying his confusion as if he’s suddenly forgotten the English language.
“Huh?” he croaks before shaking his head.
“Are you okay?” I hold Maria closer to me, wondering if I should take today off. Lucas looks like he’s about to fall over.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Lucas says shakily.
I don’t believe him for one minute. “All right,” I say with a sigh, “I guess I can call Charlie and ask her to tell me what we’re doing in photography and paint class.”
“Wait, no!” Lucas rushes out. “Sorry, I was up all night writing.” He groans and leans against the counter, his feet shifting back and forth. “Alex is going to be here, so you have nothing to worry about.”
I raise an eyebrow. “Really? Is he here?”
“He will be. He’s on a run right now and will be back.”
I purse my lips, calculating how long Alex’s run will take. Two minutes is all it takes for something to go terribly wrong, and the way Lucas looks, it makes me worry what will happen the moment I step out that door. If Alex is on his run now, he must be coming back soon, right? It’s nearly eight in the morning and he and Seth usually begin their runs around five or six. So it should be ending soon. Maybe I should wait?
“Really, it will be fine, Rachel. You can plop her in the crib down here. I’ve had enough coffee. I can watch her for the next ten to fifteen minutes.” He sets down his coffee cup and grabs a bright pink thermos from the cabinet. “Here,” he says while filling it to the brim, “I made coffee for you too.” He hands it to me.
I stare at it, tempted to take a sip, but worried in his exhausted state he’s made some terrible concoction that will have me sitting on the toilet for the rest of the day. It wouldn’t be the first time. Seth is terrible at making coffee.
After thirty seconds of contemplation, I finally relent and take a sip, allowing the bitter coffee goodness to glide down my throat. Yep. He definitely made it well, but knowing Lucas, he can make coffee in his sleep. This doesn’t mean he gets to watch my daughter while we wait for Alex to return. I love Lucas, and he’s great with Maria, but I don’t feel comfortable when he looks this exhausted. Better safe than sorry.
“It’s great,” I say when I notice he’s been staring at me.
His eyes look unusually wide, like he’s trying desperately to keep them open.
“I’m still going to wait for Alex.”
Lucas pouts, but instead of arguing with me about it, his body slumps even more against the counter. “Maybe that’s for the best,” he murmurs while hanging his head. “Sorry. I know I was supposed to be with Maria today, but I couldn’t stop writing. I have no control over my inspiration.”
“It’s fine.” I rub his shoulder and smile when he leans into my touch. “It’s good you’re following your dreams. I’m very proud of you.”
Lucas grimaces and nods to the refrigerator. “Also, I found that in the pile of mail we have sitting on the dining table.”
My gaze follows his, narrowing on the wedding invitation Mom sent months ago. Honestly, I completely forgot about it. With being a new mother and balancing work and school, I haven’t had time to think about Mom and her wedding to Bryan, or how we haven’t spoken since I saw her in the hospital. That was about five months ago. It’s the longest I’ve ever gone without speaking to her. We used to be so close. At least, I thought we were. I guess our relationship was only good when I was doing what she wanted.
“The due date is coming up,” Lucas says. “I think we have to send it back this week. Maybe next. I know I read it, but I can’t remember.” He groans while rubbing his head. “I’m so tired,” he murmurs.
I step toward it, ripping it from the magnet holding it to the refrigerator. Since the paper is so durable, it doesn’t break. The gold lettering glitters up at me while I scowl at the floral date, wondering why I’ve kept this so long. There’s no way I’m going to her wedding. Not after everything that’s transpired between us. She didn’t call us during the winter holidays. She hasn’t checked in to see how I’m doing, or if I’ve healed well since my massive surgery. She hasn’t bothered offering me annoying parental advice, like many other new moms, and she hasn’t called me to complain about the wedding planning or how Bryan is driving her up the wall.
We haven’t had a relationship since Maria’s birth. Why would I go to her wedding?
I chuck the invitation into the trashcan and turn to Lucas, waiting for him to pull me into his arms, or offer some annoying piece of advice. Instead, his eyes are closed. He looks like he’s sleeping while standing. That can’t be good for him.
