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“Hey, Lise. What’s up?”
“Is Gabriel there? Can I talk to him?”
She’s smiling. I can hear it. “He was just here. Oh, Elise, he made Mason so happy. I’ve never seen him like this. He’s beside himself. He’s always wanted Mason to join his company.”
“I—I know. But I really need to talk to him.”
“Wait. What’s wrong?”
“Please, Lottie. I just need Gabriel.”
“He left.” Her voice goes soft. “Maybe half an hour ago. Is everything okay? Should I ask Mason to call him? Should I—”
“Don’t worry about it.” My stomach is in knots. This is wrong. This iswrong.I hang up and look out the window. Lydia stands on the sidewalk, crying. A dark, forbidding sky watches over the city. Gabriel isn’t answering.
If he didn’t go home, where is he now? And how the hell am I going to find him?
25
GABRIEL
Years ago,lifetimes ago, my oldest brother killed himself to save us.
Maybe that’s a dramatic way to describe what happened in light of the fact that he lived. At the time, I would have called it an offensive understatement. I don’t know many people who would fight so hard to recover from injuries as devastating as Mason’s. Surviving the fall was a miracle that came with a steep price.
If we’d had our parents, he could’ve had the rest he needed. That wasn’t the case. Instead of months, he had weeks to get back on his feet. Instead of weeks in the hospital with an appropriate level of medical care, he had days.
I didn’t carry him to the free clinics because I wanted him to go. I took him because he demanded it. He jury-rigged an excruciating physical therapy regimen from the doctors at those visits and stayed up late doing the exercises, gritting his teeth through the pain.
He did that for us. Mason was the only one of us over eighteen, and he barely cleared the bar when our parents died. If it had happened three months earlier, we’d have been screwed.The choice was between suffering and losing custody of us, and he chose suffering, day after day, week after week.
When he was in the hospital struggling through severe smoke inhalation and a shattered knee, the doctors weren’t sure if he’d ever walk again.
Nothing could hold him back, in the end. Not pain. Certainly not common sense.
It’s not that I didn’t appreciate him. I knew what he did for us. I helped him do it. But I resented it, too. I resented that he was forced to endure so much pain for me. I resented that I couldn’t take the burden off his shoulders entirely.
That’s why I moved out first. Mason didn’t want me to leave. He never understood. I don’t think he’s ever forgiven me for it, but I had to go. I needed to prove to him that I could survive. I needed to show him that he didn’t have to grit his teeth through another ounce of pain. Not on my behalf, anyway.
Keeping my business separate was part of that.
It was a way of protecting him, but it was also a way of protecting myself. As it turns out, it was bullshit. I didn’t protect either of us from anything. It’s an enormous relief to give it up.
Mason and Jameson and I spend the afternoon going over the details, with Remy in and out of Mason’s office. She hangs over our shoulders, drinking mugs of tea way too close to our ears and spilling crumbs from the butter cookies she likes on my shirt. Charlotte brings too many snacks. It’s the best I’ve felt in years. Fucking exhausted, but hopeful.
This feels right. The Hill family together again, and not for some sacrifice that nobody asked for.
We’re together because we choose to be.
There’s more to do by the time the sunset is closing in. A lot more. But I stand up a little after six and stretch. “I’m going to get out of your hair.” Mason looks up at me from the papers strewn across his big table. “I need to get home.”
He raises his eyebrows. “Home to Elise?”
“And Nate.” I’ve told my siblings a little bit about the teenager we found outside my brownstone. I kept it light. Blamed it on Elise, actually. I said she had a soft heart and wanted to save him. I want things to be more solid before I introduce him to my family.
Plus, I’m told the four of us can be a little overwhelming. I’m not sure it would be the best idea to drop him into the deep end. We’ll need to ease into it if I bring him to one of our weekly brunches.
WhenI bring him. It feels good to imagine the three of us showing up. Elise could bring some baked goods and have croissants or cupcakes on standby when I introduce Nate to my brothers and sister and Charlotte.
