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“No way,” I told her. “He really did?”
“It felt like a blessing,” she told me. “Like he was the healing energy the house needed all along!”
The only thing that Mike is healing, I thought to myself,is Mom’s lonely heart. With Elle married and halfway around the world on her honeymoon and me over here, she must be feeling so lonely in our old house. The last time she complained that we didn’t even leave her with a dog—seems like she found something better. I hope this Mike is really good for her.
We ended our conversation just as I arrived at my apartment. I could not help but wince a little at how bare everything was. It felt so cold and lonely and so discordant. I was aware of this since I got back here, but it continued to surprise me...
It never bothered me before.
Great,I thought to myself.Now, I’m starting to think like Mom and feel that my energy doesn’t match my apartment’s.
I shrugged out of my coat and hung it on a peg by the door. I chucked off my shoes into the shoe rack and padded over to the refrigerator. Thankfully, there were still a couple of cans of beer left.
I opened one and walked over to the balcony overlooking the busy streets. I leaned into the cool metal railings as I watched as car lights flashed past me in never-ending streams. If I listened closely, I could hear a drunk hurling obscenities from down the street.
Even at night, it was still quite busy unlike the stillness and quiet calm I had gotten used to in Georgetown.
I frowned as I took a sip of my beer. Ever since I got back here, I had been feeling more ill at ease than before I had left.
Before, my daily life consisted of seeing patients all day in my practice and crash to bed in a fatigued heap before waking up the next morning to repeat it all again.
Rinse and repeat, I grimaced, taking another drink from the can, feeling the cool liquid wash down my parched throat.
I always thought that I was okay with it, that my patients were all I needed to keep me happy but I really wasn’t. I wasn’t thriving in my busy life like I thought I was.
In fact, I was miserable and even interacting with my patients the past two weeks left me feeling drained.
I used to feel like this was all that mattered in life. What happened?
Amandahappened.
In the brief time we had spent together, she had shown me that there was more to life than just working and fulfilling my duties. For the first time in years, I felt wonderfully alive instead of just existing.
I could remember when Amanda’s eyes would light up when she saw me, or when Buddy would bark happily the moment I stepped onto the veranda.
I thought of what old Mr. Carmichael told me that afternoon—that they appreciated me and the level of care I extended to them but London was a big city and there were a lot of good doctors around to take care of them if I ever left.
“You can live your life and we will still be in good hands,” he had told me.
And as much as it hurt to think of that, he was right. London was crawling with great cardiologists. I wasn’t the only one in this big, busy city.
But there is—and always will be—only one big love in my life.
Amanda.
I took one last swallow of my beer and threw the can into the nearby bin. I laughed softly to myself as the realizations hit me one after the other.
If I want something so badly, then I need to change something. I can’t sit idly by and wait for a fucking blessing to fall from the heavens!
I knew what I needed to do and I wasn’t going to wait around for luck, hoping it would give me the perfect timing.
I needed to takeactionand this time, I had a plan.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
AMANDA
Ipulled the car up to park outside of the house I shared with Grandma Margaret. The sun was shining gloriously and the summer flowers she had planted were in full bloom. I smiled sadly to myself and wondered if she was enjoying them from heaven, too.
