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“I’ve got to go, too. Wedding preparations,” Gavin smiled sheepishly. He pressed a kiss to my sister’s forehead. “I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.”
“Me, too,” she murmured, before she walked him to the door. Of course, she managed to elbow me a little on her way.
Typical.
I shot my sister another fond glare before I dragged my things up to my old room. Elle didn’t even bother to help as she bounded out to the garden to help our mother with the food. Julian just shook his head and followed after her.
My room looked exactly as I had left it twelve years ago. Mom had it cleaned up, and fresh sheets and curtains had been prepared for me, but everything else remained the same.
Well, except for the humongous blue-gray geode that was placed prominently on my nightstand.
I smiled and changed out of my travel clothes, stopping by the bathroom to splash some water on my face and tame my hair, which stuck out in all directions. The last thing I needed was for Mom to take one look at my worn appearance and heap more crystals on me.
I shook my head as I walked out of my room. Really, if it wasn’t because of my little sister’s wedding and her threats of bodily harm if I failed to make it, I would still be in London, tending to my patients and giving them the best care I possibly could.
I didn’t like the thought of leaving them alone for a couple of days, let alonetwo weeks. Even if I knew that a very competent colleague was looking after them while I was gone.
Being a doctor…some people think that life is pretty good. You save lives and make a lot of money doing so.
However, I knew that it wasn’t always like that.
There were times when even your best efforts weren’t enough, times when even if you’ve tried everything, you still lose your patients.
And you still ended up wondering if you’ve done enough.
Miranda McLachlan would always be in the forefront of my mind whenever my thoughts went down this particular rabbit hole.
She was a feisty lady in her forties and one of my very first patients. For years, she had lived with rheumatic heart disease—a cardiac problem that should be mostlypreventable.
However, after some bouts of strep throat that went mostly untreated during her childhood, she ended up with this particular disease.
In spite of all this, she lived life gloriously and never let her condition hold her back. Several cardiologists had told her to take it easy but her answer was always that she couldn’t afford tonotlive her life.
I was her third cardiologist after she left the last one due to her temper. I had been a newly minted cardiologist when she walked into my clinic, which only had my secretary and me at that time.
Nobody ever tells you that the first couple of years as a doctor, you’ll actually be flirting with bankruptcy and poverty.
Over the next few months, Miranda and I developed a closer bond—she was, after all, the first patient that was trulymine. I had advised her a couple of times to undergo valvular surgery for her problematic mitral valve.
And then, late one night after a long day of seeing patients and making sure they were alright, I received the call from her family—Miranda had been rushed to the hospital and it wasn’t looking good. There was another cardiologist on duty and he was doing his best to turn the tide.
I had just gotten home but I turned around to the hospital as quickly as I could. I tried to get back there as fast as I could but in the end, I got to her when they were already trying to resuscitate her after she flatlined.
We tried for several more minutes. I wasn’t about to let this lady go yet and I wanted tobring her back.
But she was gone.
Her family never blamed me and thanked me a ridiculous amount of times for taking care of Miranda, for being the only doctor who survived her fiery temper.
But I blamed myself for not being there on time. I wasn’t by her side when she needed me the most.
I kept telling myself that if I had made it there sooner, if I had just lingered in the hospital longer before going home, I might not have missed my chance to help her and she would have survived.
That she would be chewing my ear out about it in the next morning.
Nobody ever tells you these things, I thought to myself.They think being a cardiologist is a very glamorous profession but nobody ever tells you about the nights you stay up, wondering if you’ve really doneenoughfor your patients.
When I walked into the garden, the delicious scent of grilled patties had me taking bigger strides. The women had started laying out the food, while Julian watched over the grill.
