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“And this one!” Mom continued excitedly. She pointed at another picture of me at a birthday party. “You look so happy and adorable in this one!”
I scowled. I remembered that one pretty well. The magician Mom had invited to the party was pretty popular in kids’ parties in Georgetown at that time.
Long story short, Elle literally volunteered me to be the magician’s “assistant”, and I spent the longest twenty minutes of my life having scarves pulled out of my ears, and a small light bulb out of my ass.
All sleight of hand, of course, but as the other kids roared in laughter, I felt so humiliated and blamed Elle for my humiliation. After the magic show, I grabbed two cupcakes and shoved one into her back, and the other, I dumped on her head.
Her retaliation ended in a massive food fight that rendered all the food in the party inedible.
We were banned from other kids’ parties for a good six months.
“Mom, your memories seem to be in conflict with mine,” I muttered.
She laughed. “Actually, I had a bit of a headache with you two bickering around so much, but now that you’re both grown, I can see how much you both love each other, and it makes me so happy.”
“Were we worth the headache, then?” I teased her.
“Oh, yes. I wouldn’t change a single thing for the world,” her eyes clouded for a moment. “I just wish I had your Dad to share those moments with me. They were hilarious, but at that time, I really thought that my kids had been switched at birth in the hospital, you know. You were both quite a handful.”
We both laughed and she turned the page, pointing at pictures of me and Elle as we grew up. Some of them also featured Julian and Sophie.
We came to a couple of pictures of us in high school. As much as I hated to admit it, Elle had grown into a pretty girl at that time, although she was still every bit a terror as she had been when we were little.
I had also hit a growth spurt around this time, and towered over her in the next few pictures.
Finally, we landed on a photo of Amanda and me on the night of our Prom.
My heart squeezed when I saw it. I couldn’t help but reach out and trace Amanda’s figure on the photo.
Her dress would have made teenagers nowadays roll their eyes, but I recalled how it took my breath away that night. It was a soft pink concoction that showcased her feminine shoulders perfectly, and the way that it skimmed her chest without being obscene still made me feel a little hot, even at thirty. I remembered how it floated so gracefully around her with every moment until it felt like I was dancing with a fairy or some otherworldly creature.
“I always thought you made such a beautiful couple,” Mom told me quietly. “She balanced you out in a good way, and you brought out a more adventurous side in her.”
“Where did you get this?” I breathed. From the look of it, it was taken in the living room in the house where Amanda used to live with her parents. I remembered her mom happily taking pictures of us that night, while her dad sulked in a corner, shooting glares at me like he wished he was shooting actualbulletsinstead.
“Her mother gave it to me a couple of days after your prom,” Mom replied with a smile. “She was just as big a fan of you and Amanda as I had been. Why, she might even have already gone so far as to name your grandchildren.”
I nearly choked at that. It was true that Amanda’s mom liked me and always fed me some cookies or whatever she was cooking whenever I stopped by their home.
“But then you left…” Mom trailed off. “And then they moved out a short while later…”
I know. I know it was my fault that I got too busy with my medicine career in London, too much… Much too much, I’m afraid.
“If I hadn’t…” I stammered. “What if I hadn’t left, Mom?”
She shook her head. “Who knows? We can’t really tell, Ollie. Maybe some things just needed to happen.”
I traced the curve of Amanda’s smile on the photo and my heartached. I ached, wondering if she would still smile the same way after I left for London. I ached, knowing that I would not be there when she was feeling hurt, when she needed someone to listen to her. I ached for all our missed chances, for the life we might have had together…
If I hadn’t gone to London,Amanda and I would still be a couple,I thought miserably.She would still be smiling just like this photo of our prom night, untouched by heartache and betrayal.
I wanted to kick myself for choosing to go to London. It had seemed like a really good plan at that time, and Amanda had been so supportive of my dreams.
And when I had gotten so busy, she never complained about it.
Eventually, though, we grew up and grew apart as adults. We never really broke up, we just… grew apart. I had allowed life to happen and come between us, excited by everything Europe had to offer.
But if I hadn’t left, things would have been different.
