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“Did you ever think that you’re letting your injured ego override everything else? You could help so many kids. I agree with your sister. You need to keep going and get your degree. Maybe you can bring about change to the system.”
Why did she ever think that opening up to him would be a good idea? He wasn’t any different from her sister. Sure, it hurt getting fired. No matter how nicely the woman at the office stated it, a firing was a firing. She was certain there were other occupations that she could be just as good at or better.
But switching her focus made her feel as though she were copping out somehow. And she didn’t want to turn her back on those kids who didn’t have a voice. She wanted to do her part, but how could she do that without compromising who she was and what she believed in? She’d never be a yes-girl.
Guilt chewed at her as she considered doing something other than being a social worker. Why the guilt? Was it projected on her from her sister and now Stefano? She didn’t know, but she sure wanted to figure it out. And she’d do it on her own, without his input or her sister’s. This was a choice only she could make.
“Maybe you’re right,” she said. When he smiled broadly as though he’d just solved the world’s economic crisis, she added, “But maybe you’re not. That’s why I haven’t pressed the subject with Lizzie. I want to be sure before I get into it with her.”
“And that’s why what happened between us can’t happen again.”
Jules forced her mouth closed as a hundred thoughts struck her all at the same time. “You think me changing my mind about grad school is somehow related to us making love?”
“I think that you don’t know what you want in life, and I don’t want to confuse matters. It isn’t like I can offer you anything serious. I’ve done that, and it didn’t work out. You’re still young. You have your whole future ahead of you.”
A future without him. The thought tore through her, making the backs of her eyes sting. She blinked. He was right. They didn’t have a future, but it had nothing to do with her being young or his first marriage ending. It had to do with her not being wife and mother material. Maybe he realized that, too, but didn’t want to point it out.
Jules sucked in a steadying breath. “You’re right. I have my whole future ahead of me. And right now that consists of creating the most amazing wedding for my sister.”
She got to her feet and started for the door. No matter his reason for rejecting her and their lovemaking, it still hurt. She didn’t want him to see how much it bothered her.
“This isn’t how I meant for things to go between us.” His voice was gentle and thick as honey. “Don’t go away mad.”
“Just go away,” she mumbled.
She fled from the room as quickly as her legs would carry her. Her heart was heavy. He regretted their lovemaking, while she’d been replaying it over and over in her mind. She’d been such a fool to think that it’d been special for the both of them.
She wouldn’t make that mistake again. And she didn’t have time to dwell on her foolish mistake. The wedding was getting close—a wedding to top all others. It’d be so romantic that it’d have couples falling in love all over again.
Except for her and Stefano.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
HE’D MADE A mess of everything.
Stefano’s hands balled up and pounded the desktop, rattling the mug of pens as well as the computer keyboard. A few days had passed since he’d ended things with Jules. She still spoke to him, but it was at a bare minimum. And now that the wine-tasting event was over, he had far too much time on his hands.
What had gotten into him to let things get so out of control?
How could he have forgotten that his solitary life was one of his own making? His penance. If Jules had a clue he was to blame for his wife’s death, she’d hate him. And that’s how it should be. He didn’t deserve another chance at love. And he certainly didn’t deserve it at the expense of Jules’s education. He couldn’t stand to be responsible for the demise of her dreams. He’d done enough damage for one lifetime.
If only he’d kept his hands to himself. His thoughts strayed back to the amazing time he’d spent with her wrapped in his arms. The strawberry scent of her hair. The velvety smoothness of her skin. He drew his tormenting thoughts up short. How could their lovemaking be so wrong when it felt so right?
It had to be all the talk about the wedding. It was messing with his mind, reminding him that he was all alone. Any other time that wouldn’t have bothered him, but right now it sounded so grim and miserable. He was going to end up like his father. Old and alone.
