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“She’s in the window,” the girl said, and before she could say anything else, I pushed past her, practically knocking her over, and ran barefoot on powerful legs down the stairwell and eight floors.
Seeing the door on the lobby floor, I didn’t even slow down to see if it might be unlocked; I went toward it like a bullet and shoved it open, darting out into the pounding rain; every part of me was drenched before I made it around the corner of the building. And I ran, hard and fast and without awareness of the things around me, to where, I didn’t know, but instinct forced me to follow the commotion in the street. My bare feet pounded against the concrete, splashing through water; my lungs felt heavy but I couldn’t stop to catch my breath. I ran all the way to the end of the block where a crowd had gathered, and after I pushed my way through them all, shoving people aside, the world stopped turning on its axis.
A body dangled lifelessly from the window of a third-story room; arms hung limply down at the sides, hands open, fingers uncurled; thick strings of rainwater streamed from Sosie’s bare feet; her long, white hair was plastered to her face.
For a short time that felt like eons, my legs wouldn’t carry my body anywhere. I stood beneath my sister, my beautiful Sosie, looking up at her as if it were all just a nightmare. The voices of the people standing around me faded into the back of my mind; their movements blended with the shadows cast by their shuffling bodies. Even the rain sounded far off, muffled, though it pierced the concrete with violence all around me.
When I felt a hand on my shoulder, it woke me from my daze, thrust me back into the horror of the truth.
I dashed across the sidewalk and ran into the building, shoving a woman into the doorway. “Hey! Watch it!”
“Sosie! Sosie!” I cried her name all the way up the stairs.
A smaller crowd gathered around the door to one room: soldiers smoking cigarettes, half-naked women wearing sad faces; I burst through them all like bowling pins and rushed into the room.
“Sosie!”
“Get her out of here,” a man snapped as I darted past and ran right over to the window, shoving someone else to the side.
A soldier was at the window, pulling a rope bit by bit, one end tied to a metal shower curtain rod. The other end…to my sister’s neck.
“Shh,” a woman said, taking me into her arms, holding me against her breasts; the smell of thick perfume and cigarettes engulfed me. “You shouldn’t be here, sweetheart.” She patted my wet hair with a motherly hand.
I pushed away from her, grabbed the rope from the soldier, but Sosie was too heavy; the palms of my hands burned as the rope slipped from my grasp.
“Someone get her!” The soldier snatched the rope back from me.
The dark-haired woman tried once more to comfort me, but I didn’t want her comfort; I pushed her away and stood beside the window, waiting for the soldier to bring Sosie’s body back inside. And when I finally caught my first close-up glimpse of Sosie’s head as she was pulled over the windowsill, I fell to the floor on my knees and screamed into my hands. Nothing had ever hurt so much, the pain was cruel and mocking, twisting in my chest, tearing me apart.
“Sosie! Oh, Sosie!” I cried, as I dragged myself over to her and took her into my trembling arms. “Oh no…Sosie…” I buried my face in my sister’s soaked and tangled hair.
It was over. Everything was over. Sosie was all I had left in the world, the only family I had left, and I couldn’t protect her. I’m sorry, Momma, I couldn’t protect her…I couldn’t protect her! My eyes squeezed shut; black and yellow spots danced behind the lids.
I rocked back and forth with Sosie in my arms, crushing her against me, and every part of me that still believed in hope drained out of me in that instant. I wailed. And I cursed God. And I wailed more until my voice was hoarse. My fingers dug into Sosie’s arms. I held on and wouldn’t let go, not even when I heard Atticus’ voice as he entered the room—I only gripped my sister tighter.
ATTICUS
“Get the fuck out of here!” I roared to the onlookers. “NOW!” My voice was deep and angry and held no leniency.
Within seconds, the room, and the entire third floor emptied out, leaving only Evelyn and me and Thais and her dead sister. My God, what have I done? What the fuck have I done!
I paced the floor for a moment, trying to get my thoughts and words together, trying to understand what had happened even though I already knew. And as hard as I tried, I couldn’t bring myself to look away from Thais, the way she clutched her sister, how she trembled and sobbed against her lifeless body, how nothing in this godforsaken world would ever make this better. I knew this more than anyone…
I shot a glare at Evelyn, wanting to blame her, but the blame, I knew, could be cast only on myself.
“What happened?” It was all I could say.
Evelyn shook her head, and then lowered it in shame.
“Atticus, I…”—she raised her eyes to mine—“…you told me to say whatever I had to, to convince the girl to cooperate.”
“What did you say?” I moved across the small space to stand in front of Evelyn with a quickness that frightened her. “What did you tell her?!”
Evelyn sighed.
“Atticus, you told me to lie if that’s what I had to do. And that’s what I did.” She looked down at Thais briefly. “I told you she couldn’t be broken—I told you.” She pushed the words through her teeth, throwing the blame back on me where we both knew it belonged.
Then she turned her back.
