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What?
How?
No…
Jax’s hands scooped hers into mine as I began screaming. “Help!” I shouted, panic hitting every inch of my being. My chest rose and fell erratically as I felt as if my heart was being ripped from inside my chest.
“It’s okay, baby,” Mom cried, squeezing her hands in Jax’s.
“I’m sorry, Mom,” Jax sobbed.
Her words faded off as the darkness of the night began to swallow me whole.
No, no, no…
“What did I do?!” Jax cried as panic set in my chest. It was all my fault.
Tears flooded my eyes as he stared down at Mom. “Oh my god,” I cried out, pacing back and forth. It wasn’t him. It wasn’t him.
Tell him that it was my gun. Tell him I pulled the trigger. Be fucking brave!
But I couldn’t. I couldn’t push the words out.
I said the one thing that should’ve never left my lips as my little brother sobbed with our mother in his arms. “Jax,” I cried out, my voice strained. “What did you do?”
38
Kennedy
Present day
No words cameto me as Derek unfolded his story.
He continued to fall apart in the middle of the daisies, and I shook my head. “You have to tell him the truth.”
“No, I can’t. I can’t…it will kill him,” he choked out. “He’ll never forgive me.”
“That doesn’t matter, Derek. He’s been through hell, living his whole life with this pain and guilt for something he didn’t even do! You own him that much! You don’t deserve to keep this from him. And I’m sorry, if you don’t tell him, I will.”
“What’s going on?” a voice asked from behind us. I turned to see Jax standing there, looking confused. “Derek, are you okay? Is it because of Dad passing away?” he asked so sincere.
Derek shook his head. “I’m sorry, Jax.”
“It’s okay. Whatever it is, it’s okay.” He walked over to his brother, completely ignorant to the reason behind Derek’s tears. He hadn’t a clue why his brother was falling apart, but he gave him comfort. A comfort I didn’t believe he deserved.
“Tell him,” I ordered Derek, who’s guilt was plastered all over his face.
“Tell me what?” Jax asked. “What’s going on.”
Derek lowered his head and kept apologizing. The words felt less authentic every time they left his mouth.
“Sorry for what?” Jax questioned. “What the hell is going on?”
Derek took a deep breath and revealed everything to his brother. The words burned as they fell off Derek’s tongue and hit Jax’s soul.
Jax stepped farther away from his brother. “No. You let me…” He closed his eyes tight and took in a deep breath. “I spent my whole life thinking I was the one who…”
“I know,” Derek confessed, nodding his head. “I know. I can’t take it back, and I’m sorry. I ran away all those years ago because I couldn’t face what I’d done, Jax. I was a coward. I was fucked up in the head and I left. I regret it every day of my life.”
