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She blinks.
“And we live two hours apart.”
Still nothing.
“And he hardly has time for a girlfriend.”
Her brows rise. I toss it all out there now.
“And he hasn’t said ‘I love you’ yet.”
The corners of Lisa’s mouth actually lift, as if she finds this amusing.
“That’s not at all funny.”
“Maybe not. But I do wish you could hear yourself.”
I’m not sure I catch her meaning.
“Who called off every single relationship you’ve been in for one reason or another?”
Paying more attention now to my coffee cup than Lisa, I pretend not to have heard the question.
“At the very slightest indication that you might be getting in deep, boom! Goodbye.”
I stare into my coffee cup, my attention fixed. I think I might love coffee as much as Lisa loves toast.
“I know you can hear me.”
Finally, I look up. “This is different.”
“Is it?”
It is. Because I’m not so sure I’ve been in love before. Probably I have, but right now it’s hard to remember. And if I was in love with any of the others, my feelings for them didn’t even come close to how I feel about Enzo. If I’m being honest, it’s super scary how much thoughts of him have taken over my life.
I hate it.
Want it to stop.
I don’t need a man to be happy. My mother didn’t have one for years and years. And she was perfectly content to run her shop, raise Devon and me. I don’tneedEnzo, but seeing him standing next to that gorgeous woman, that gorgeouslawyer, triggers something in me. It reminds me that I haven’t really amounted to anything.
I mean, my profession is a noble one, sure. But I know I could be doing more. I feel it in my bones.
“Call him,” she says. And I realize how patient Lisa has been with me. Enzo hasn’t just consumed my life, he’s consumed hers too. Because of me.
“OK,” I say, knowing I will but needing to put the article, and my boyfriend, behind me for the morning. “Enough about Enzo. Tell me about you. How was that big meeting you were nervous about?”
I listen to my friend talk about the contract she was awarded to make signs for a hotel chain as errant flurries fall down just outside the window. It’s a beautiful view, really. As I relax into the moment, it occurs to me again that Lisa is right.
I’m a saboteur.
My daddy issues run deep.
And I refuse to sabotage myself again, not this time.
Not with Enzo. He’s too important to give up so easily.
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