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24
BRYNN
Brynn shifted uneasily in her seat as her trauma therapist sat across from her in a red chair that matched the sofa Brynn was on.
“What did you want to talk about today?” Cassidy Clark asked.
Brynn opened her mouth, then closed it, looking down. “I . . . I wanted to talk about . . . this book I read.”
Cassidy tipped her head to the side. “Oh?”
Brynn nodded. It wasn’t a complete lie; she read a few books with this theme. “The heroine has been through sexual trauma, like me. But this heroine, in the book, she fantasizes about non-consensual experiences with men that are . . . rough.” Cassidy’s expression didn’t change, so Brynn continued, “Then there is a scene with the hero, and he ties her up and calls her names. But then he also sort of praises her at the same time. He acts like he owns her body, but when it’s over he takes care of her.”
“And you want to understand why this is so appealing to . . . some women?” Cassidy asked, as if she was carefully wording her question.
“Yes. As someone who’s been through that trauma, I never want to experience it again. It was horrific.” Brynn crossed her arms around herself. “But it got me wondering why some women might, uh, fantasize about it.”
Cassidy nodded. “There are a lot of women who have rape fantasies, or bondage kinks who have had sexual trauma, just as there are women who haven’t been abused. Some sources say around sixty percent of women have had these types of fantasies. But let’s take some guesses why that might be.” She crossed one leg over the other. “A fantasy is just that—it’s not real. No one really wants to be raped. In a fantasy, who holds the control?”
Brynn leaned back on the couch. “The one having the fantasy.”
“Right. And in a healthy BDSM relationship, like the scene with bondage from your book, the person submitting is the one that has the true control. The whole point of the power exchange in a dominant and submissive relationship is so that the submissive is freely and consensually giving up their control to the dominant within the boundaries they set. This means the submissive person in this scenario makes the rules of how far the dominant can take the scene. How hard they’re flogged. How long they’re bound. It can give them the freedom to relax and enjoy the present moment, to get out of their head.” Cassidy paused, keeping eye contact. “The dominant person has to agree to them and respect those boundaries. Of course, the dominant person may have boundaries they are not willing to cross themselves, but that’s where the negotiations come into play. Communication is a huge part of this lifestyle as well as the absolute need to trust your partner. This requires constant honest and frank back-and-forth discussions. However, the submissive in these relationships has the power to stop things with their safe word—always.”
“Oh,” Brynn commented. That did seem appealing. And when Cassidy broke it down, Brynn didn’t feel like such a deviant for being aroused by the fantasy.
Cassidy nodded. “The power exchange can help some to get out of their head long enough to reconnect with parts of themselves they wouldn’t have otherwise.”
“So, it can be healing?”
“I would say it is less about trauma and more about healing one’s relationship with intimacy and trust. It can be liberating and lead to a fantastic sex life.”
Would that be possible for Brynn? The thought of having Aaron do these things to her like the hero in the novel, to have him treat her like he cherished and loved her, would be a dream come true.
“And what about the part where the hero in the book was tending to the heroine after being tied up?” she asked.
“That’s called aftercare. Submission takes a huge emotional toll because you’re giving your whole self in a complete exchange of power. It can be intense and exhausting. Some even cry from the emotional release after a scene, which is what they call these encounters.”
“This is normal?” Brynn asked shyly.
“Every person on this planet has their own kinks. It’s all relative if it’s between two consenting adults.” Cassidy cleared her throat. “But I highly urge my clients who’ve been through any type of abuse to really examine their reasons for wanting to indulge in these types of fantasy and lifestyles. It can retraumatize in some cases, and in others it can help you heal. The partner you choose must be one you can trust to be attentive to your cues, if you’re triggered and go non-verbal, and be willing to stop at any time and disregard their own pleasure.”
Like Aaron did.
Cassidy continued, “Someone who has not identified their triggers could be retraumatized by BDSM. And someone who cannot confidently set and enforce boundaries, or has trouble recognizing when someone is manipulating them, is at high risk for being abused again.” Cassidy took a breath. “The only clients I would advise to explore this lifestyle are those who have learned to manage their PTSD symptoms, to be able to define and enforce their boundaries, recognize red flags such as manipulation, and have a partner they can fully trust who also has an interest in it.”
Brynn interlaced her fingers in front of her lap, digesting all that Cassidy had explained. “I see. That makes sense.”
Cassidy leaned forward. “Intimacy is one of the strongest ways an adult can experience attachment. It’s a place we feel most vulnerable. And for some, love can be almost inseparable from humiliation and pain. Those desires are nothing to be ashamed of.”
Brynn took a deep breath, relief pouring over her. So, there’s nothing wrong with me?
“Communication, empathy, trust, and patience are a must for any relationship, but especially with these types.” Cassidy’s gaze narrowed slightly before she sat back in her chair. “Are you thinking about entering into this type of arrangement?”
Brynn’s face flooded with embarrassment as she fixed her gaze on a yellow spot on the beige carpet. “I was curious about the book.”
“Right, well, when you engage in any sexual activity, you should ask yourself: Am I doing this because it brings me pleasure, or because I’m trying to replay my trauma and punish myself?”
Brynn nodded, taking this all in. She just needed to clarify this one more time. “And people with these types of fantasies . . . they aren’t . . . I mean, it doesn’t mean something is wrong with them?”
