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He pulled out his phone. “Gotta text Nicky and let the guys know how you’re doing. They’ve been here all night with me. Callie too.”
Emma didn’t respond, exhaustion pulling her under into a deep sleep.
Wind whipped across Emma’s face, growing stronger. Cold water lapped at her feet as she stood in the shallow waters of the grey ocean. Her papa stood across from her on the shore. Next to him were her mother and Link.
She’d been here before.
“Papa? Mom?” She glanced between her mother and Solomon.
Her mother shook her head. “I’m so sorry, Emma.” She turned around and walked away.
A piece of Emma could understand the pain in her mother’s eyes and the choices she’d made. She wasn’t ready to forgive her yet, but now she could empathize with the struggle for control over an addiction.
Emma took a step forward, but the water was deeper somehow, coming up to her waist.
Emma turned her attention onto her papa. “I love you, Papa. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. I’ll always keep you in my heart. I’m sorry if I ever disappointed you.”
Her father gave her a sad smile. “Read the letter.”
“What letter?” She stepped forward only to be sucked under the water. She kicked and struggled to the surface, sucking in a gasp of air.
Her father was gone, leaving only Link at the shore. Her arms throbbed, blood pouring from them, coloring the water red as they grew tired. No matter how hard she fought, the shore got farther and farther away. She screamed for Link.
Only this time, he ran towards her. His hand reached out for her.
“Link!”
“I’ve got you. I’m coming with you,” he said as a big wave crashed over them, sucking them under. Emma broke the surface, her arms and legs on fire. Link was nowhere to be found.
“Link!” She searched the dark water below, diving deeper. He was gone, sucked under, and it was all her fault.
Her arms became lead weights, sinking her lower. She screamed for him, but no sound came out.
He’d come to save her, and instead, she’d ended up dragging him down too.
39
Emma
Emma’s eyes opened as she sucked in a breath of air untainted by saltwater. Link stirred beside her. He was here, safe by her side. It was only a dream. Or was it a warning? He was willing to give up the thing most precious to be there for her. But at what cost? That wasn’t an equal relationship. She didn’t want him to have to take care of her or worry that he would break her. He’d resent her for that codependency eventually. Witnessing Remy’s and Jasmine’s and even Charli’s relationships, she’d learned that what makes a relationship really work was that give-and-take. The partnership of equals. It wasn’t his job to take on the responsibility of her mental health. That would be unfair—and unhealthy. And as much as they both wished, it wasn’t him who could fix her. Her emotional wounds were deep. Here in his arms, she was safe and belonged. But she still carried an emptiness. A crack with a hole she’d tried to fill with pain, and sex, and music. Was this the same hole her mother had tried to fix with drugs? Why didn’t she ever get help? Why haven’t I?
The doctor’s words ran through her mind. Her pain was valid. And she needed help Link couldn’t give. I have to love myself before I can love him the way he deserves to be loved and allow him to love me back.
Emma’s eyes darted to the plastic bag on the small table by her bed. The black skinny jeans she’d been wearing and the white bra, covered in blood, lay inside, along with her phone. She opened it, searching for her cell. Instead, her fingers caught on a folded paper. Pulling out the letter with her father’s handwriting, she looked over at Link’s sleeping form. How is this possible? Did Link bring it? Where did it come from?
Emma unfolded it carefully. Her heart stuttered at the familiar scrawl.
My sweet Emma,
My daughter, I’m guessing it’s been a while since my passing that you’re reading this. You always did things in your own time, dancing through life to your own beat. You have this beautiful, magnetic energy that attracts everyone around you.
You’ve always felt so deeply. So, I know you’ve probably taken my passing hard. I wish I could be there to see the moment when you and Link finally give in to the sparks between you—the day you walk down the aisle and promise your lives to each other. Know that I’ll always be watching. And I’ll be cheering for you. I’m so proud of you. You brought so much joy to my life. I can never thank you enough.
You never asked, and I never wanted to disturb the growth you’d made, so I kept this to myself. But I feel this is my last chance to tell you what happened the day your mother left. After she said she was leaving and taking you with her, I knew I could never let that happen. She was in no shape to take care of herself, let alone a child. So, I told her if she really wanted what was best for you, she would walk out that door alone. And I would take care of you until she got help and could be the mother you needed. She had tears in her eyes as she agreed. She left you with me so you could have the best chance at life. She knew she would only take you down with her. The reason she didn’t come to say goodbye is so she wouldn’t change her mind. I offered to help her into a rehab, but she said she wasn’t ready.
Sometimes staying is the worst thing a parent can do for a child. And sometimes leaving is the best act of love someone can give you.
You are the most exceptional woman I know. You have so much strength and creativity. I saw your shine long before you became a star to the world. You never stop chasing your dreams and what you want in this life. Keep fighting, baby girl.
