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What was I supposed to do?
Thirty
Danny
Yesterday,last night, was a bright spot in the middle of pitch blackness.Was there such a thing as a light in the middle of the tunnel?I was so happy to have Reese back.Not just in my life, but more.My heart swelled every time I thought about it.
And then deflated when I remembered Brandon.
Reese woke me up with kisses.When she saidwe need to talkthat bright spot dimmed.“Don’t do that to a guy.Especially not right now.”
“It’s not like that.”She pulled me into a sitting position on the bed.
I settled with my back to the wall and she curled up next to me.“What’s it like, then?”
“I love you dearly, and you can stay in this little space for as long as you want.We can.But there are decisions you have to make.Things you need to resolve.You don’t have to do it now, but you can’t ignore that they exist.”
I sighed.“I know.”I hadn’t heard from Brandon and I hadn’t tried to contact him.I didn’t want to leave him for good, but I couldn’t ignore the possibility.“I’m not.Leaving him for good,” I added, since she couldn’t read my mind.“God, I hope not.I don’t want to have to.”
“I know.”
The absurdity of us tossingI knowback and forth at each other made me chuckle.“If he came back now and said he was sorry, I’d probably drop everything to go back to him.Butsorryisn’t enough.”
“Because the two of you have tried that route,” Reese said.
“And it was just words.Words that didn’t go anywhere.How am I going to recognize the difference between him meaning what he says and me just wanting really badly for that to be the case?”
“I think you’ll know.”
“You have a lot more faith in me than I do.”
Reese leaned more weight into me.“You’re not the first person to say that to me.”
“Where does your confidence come from?”Why couldn’t I grasp some of the same?
“Me being amazing.”
I let out another strained laugh.She really was incredible.“I meant about me.”
“You’re amazing too.”
I shook my head in disbelief.She was a light in the darkness.So much had changed over the years.“You know what I mean.”
“I know.”
I stuck my tongue out at her.
“Look at us,” Reese said.“We both made somebaddecisions back in the day.Yes, I started it, and I own that, but we were both idiots.”
She meant the break-up.The drinking.The contract.
“And I’m still paying for it,” Reese said.“I accept that, but even after everything, we found our way back to each other.The way we were always meant to be.”
I loved the sentiment, but, “What does that have to do with Brandon?”
“Because you and I aren’t the only ones meant to be.He’ll figure it out, and when he does, you’ll recognize it.And in time—a year or ten—the two of you will be sitting across from each other, remembering how he almost fucked things up, and how you’re both glad things got fixed.”
“It’s a pretty picture.”
