AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Something detonates inside Saint, something he has tried so hard to forget. There is no proper way to behave after everything he’s been through. I want him to feel everything—anger, pain, sorrow, regret, shame, love, hate…I want it all because I…want him.
“You want control after it was taken away from you, so take it. Take it back.”
He is struggling with what’s right and wrong, so I make the decision for him.
“On that yacht, when you spanked me, when you whipped me, I liked it.” It’s the first time I’ve admitted my sins. “And I know you liked it too. Just as I know you liked it when you were inside me.” He tongues his upper lip slowly, which has everything of mine clenching. “Do you remember what you said? You said we’re one and the same. The pain is our heroin, reminding us that we’re human.”
His eyes flicker to black.
“But maybe you’ve gone soft? Maybe you don’t have the balls?”
Game.
Set.
Match.
He tips his face to the heavens and inhales slowly. “Strip.” He ends his command on an exhale.
Catching pneumonia is very possible, but I don’t care. Coming to a slow stand, I fix my gaze firmly on Saint as I take off my boots and socks. Next to go are my pants. There is no hesitation as I take off the long-sleeved sweater.
Saint cocks his head and folds his arms, hinting I’m not done.
Reaching behind me, I unhook my bra, my nipples instantly pebbling when the cool air caresses them like a lover’s touch. I drop it onto the pile of clothes next to me.
Saint runs two fingers down the center of his lips—the sight is too much for words.
We stand still with our eyes locked as the room is sparking with an electrical pulse that leaves me trembling. But I started this, and now, it’s time I finished it. Hooking my thumbs into the waistband of my underwear, I slide out of them and kick them aside.
When I stand upright, I don’t cover my modesty. Instead, I allow him to see me; all of me. His gaze zeros in on my side, and a winded gasp leaves him. I know what’s stirred this response from him. He’s seen my tattoo. He couldn’t see it before because of the angle I was standing. But now, he can.
He takes a small step back.
Violence is what bonded us together, and in a fucked-up way, I hope it can do so again. Saint likes pain; the thrill of it makes him feel alive. Until I met him, I didn’t understand, but now, I do. So without faltering, I drop to my knees, welcoming the pain because I want it. I want him.
Though he remains motionless, the fire burning behind those eyes reveals he is anything but silent inside. I know Saint, and he is wrestling with his emotions. He’s never wanted to hurt me, but now, I believe he doesn’t trust himself because I don’t think he’ll be able to stop.
He’s burdened by the atrocities he’s endured, and now that he’s in control, he is blinded by its potency. But I trust him. I always have, which is why I utter, “Do it.”
This is what he’s always wanted—the docile lamb. So it doesn’t surprise me when he bends down and picks up his belt. It hangs from his fingers innocently, but I know there is nothing harmless about it. But I won’t go back on my word.
Saint’s breathing is heavy as he stalks forward, his cheeks bellowing as he inhales and exhales steadily. But I don’t shy away. Or whimper. I take it like a…man?Fuck that. I decide then and there to make my own motto, one for the sisterhood all over the world.
I am woman, hear me roar, and I will take it like the fucking fierce woman that I am. This isn’t a man’s world; this ismyworld. With that as my newfound mantra, I brace for anything because I can take it. When Saint comes to a stop at my back, I am nothing but calm.
I await the brutal lash of his belt, the one I’ve felt before because once I feel the sting, we can salvage his soul. But as the time ticks on, I realize something is wrong. Saint doesn’t hesitate. He never has.
I thought this would work. I thought this is what he wanted. Was I wrong? Then a horrible thought smashes into me. “Do you not love me anymore? Is that it?”
Saint once told me he fears love, but loves fear. It was his way of telling me that he loved me. Is it because I’m not afraid of him that he doesn’t love me anymore?
“You can’t do it because you don’t care? Is that why? I know how fucked up that is, but I know you need pain to survive.”
Suddenly, I feel anything but fierce. I feel fucking stupid.
Lowering my chin to my chest, I wonder if maybe this is it this time. Maybe there is no coming back from everything we’ve gone through. The thought shatters my heart because I have failed him. How could I have been so blind?
I’m about to stand, about to run and hide, but something that can only be comparable to a miracle happens before me. I blink once, unsure if I’m seeing and hearing things. But I’m not.
