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"I just wanted to be sure you're all right," she said. "You went through a lot and—"
"I'm absolutely fine," I lied. "Now this is done, I can get on with everything. It's nice of you to be concerned about me, but I'm okay."
She gave me a look that clearly said she didn't believe a word of it. She was just as clearly undecided as to whether she should push me or not. On one hand, I could decide she didn't need to walk out of here alive. On the other hand, most women who went through what I did, needed a friend. Most men too. I knew Ben and Cooper talked about all sorts of things. So did Ben and Jake. Knowing Cooper, he was also an ear for Hutton.
And me, I had no one. Yeah, okay, a lot of that was by choice. Don't cry me a fucking river. But from time to time, it would be nice to have another woman to talk to.
"If you change your mind and want to have a chat, you know where to find me," she said softly. "If not me, then please talk to someone."
"Maybe I'll get a pet cat," I said dryly.
She smiled. "I hear pets are very good listeners. Better than guys sometimes." She rolled her eyes.
I smiled but couldn't bring myself to laugh. Guys certainly did have their moments.
Her smile faded and she sighed. "I know you're a bit older and probably a lot wiser than me, but I still worry about you. Keeping everything bottled up inside isn't good for you. Being distant from the people around you isn't good either. I know that from experience. Letting people in is scary, but it's worth it."
Oh yeah, I thought sarcastically. Who wouldn't want to end up with someone like Paxton Evans, who kept her locked up in a room for five months? She might need a friend even more than I did. Or a cat. That might be what all of this was about, she needed a friend and was projecting that on to me. That was actually really sad. If that was the case, I felt sorry for her.
There was a good reason I didn't have any friends. I couldn't go for more than a few minutes without questioning their motives. I would always assume they wanted something from me or were trying to advance themselves in some way. I was well aware of my trust issues, but at the end of the day, they kept me alive.
"Just think about what I said, okay?" She patted my arm and moved away.
"We should get going," Jordan said. "It's a long drive back."
"Not until we've experienced the pleasures of the third floor," Paxton said. He gave Harmony a look that would have melted the panties on anyone but me.
Harmony smiled and hooked her arm through Jordan's. "Yes, we can stay a bit longer. You know you want to."
Jordan said not one word of objection as the three of them followed Ben out the door.
"That was really brave of you," Cooper said.
I frowned at him. "What was?"
"Breaking the bond," he said. "It must have been really intense to be connected to someone like that. I love Ben like he's a big brother, but I don't want him in my brain. You know?"
After a moment he added, "I'm not even sure I'd want you in there. No offence. I like not knowing what you're going to say or do next. It keeps things interesting." He looked at me like you would look at a wild animal, not sure if it was going to roll over and show its belly, or claw you to shreds.
At the same time, I could tell he wanted to touch me. He was smart and sensitive enough to understand why I went from so hot to so cold. Unlike Jake, I knew he would stick around whether he was sleeping with me or not. My lifestyle was exciting to him. I was the icing on the cake, but the cake was still pretty tasty.
"I'm glad someone understands," I said. "It was intense."
It was also comforting, and now it was gone, I felt lonelier than ever.
17
"Is it safe?”Hutton stuck his head in the doorway an hour or two later.
"Safe from what?" I looked up from my screen. "Or who?"
He stepped inside and strode over, his hands in his pockets. He shrugged. "Everyone. Specifically Jake. He is never going to not hate my guts, is he?"
I sat back and tucked my legs up underneath me. "I don't think he hates you quite as violently as that. It's just— The past was hard for all of us." The present wasn't all that rosy either, to be honest. With any luck, the future would be better.
"Yeah, no shit." He grabbed a chair, pulled it up to the desk and sat on it backwards. He rested his arms across the back. "It wasn't all Vegemite sandwiches and too many spoonfuls of Nutella for me either."
"Just as well," I said dryly. "Nutella is toxic to dogs." That was a shame, because the chocolate and hazelnut-flavoured spread smelled delicious.
