AllFreeNovel
Share Us
"I can't have children. If you ever want—"
He cut me off with a loud laugh. "Me? A father? That's the funniest thing I've heard all month. No, really, it's been a shit month."
"You don't say," I said dryly.
He lightly pressed his forehead against mine. "If children were something you wanted, or if it happened, I would roll with it. If that was what it took to make you happy, then I would do it. But it's not something I want. Our world is crazy and you already have an heir to pass all of this down to. Assuming she has children."
Even when we were alone, I felt uncomfortable talking about her. As the last signee on any hand over documents, I tried to keep her existence a secret from everyone. I assumed Dagen had no idea I had a sister.
Well, half sister. Daughter of one of my father's lovers, we had different mothers. Different lives. We met in secret, for her safety, but she knew all about the organisation. She would only step in when my body and Jake's were both cold.
"She will. She is much more maternal than I am. Maybe you and her…"
He shook his head, making his skin roll lightly over mine. "Don't even go there. She's cute, but she's not you."
"But you admit she's cute." I pulled my face away from his and raised an eyebrow at him.
He looked up and around. "We probably shouldn't be talking about any of that in here."
"You're right," I said. "Your private life is your business."
"Elodie—" He exhaled in frustration. "I am never, ever going to give up on you. You can try to push me away but I'm not going."
"I'm damaged," I said, my voice tight. "You deserve better."
"No I don't," he said with a slow, self deprecating smile. "But the truth is, there is no better than you. As much as you don't want to believe it."
"Not for a minute," I agreed. Especially now. The truth is, I've always been damaged. For a long, long time. Sometimes it's an asset, because you can justify the horrible things you do by remembering the horrible things other people have done to you.
And sometimes, you just feel like shit.
"I know he did things to you," Jake said carefully. "I know you don't want to talk about it. But it doesn't change how I feel about you."
"It changes how I feel about myself," I admitted. "It made me realise I was right to avoid getting involved. It's the best thing for everyone."
"Don't you think I should have a say in what's best for me?" he asked.
"Of course," I agreed. "But I can't be part of that equation." No matter how much I desperately wanted him to hold me and kiss me right now. He was always so good at fighting off my monsters. Monsters except for Alistair Dagen. He was one I would have to take care of myself.
The elevator pinged and I stepped out on the ground floor. My phone beeped a moment later. I pulled it out and looked at the screen.
"Fucking hells."
14
"Fucking peak hour traffic,"Jake grumbled. He held down the horn for a few seconds. The sound made me wince. "That's a green light, dickhead."
He changed lanes in front of another car. When that driver honked his horn, Jake stuck his hand out the window and flipped him off.
"It's nice to see you don't give in to road rage," I said dryly. It was a welcome distraction, albeit a temporary one.
He snorted. "It's not road rage until I start ramming some motherfuckers. Which is going to happen really soon if these idiots don't get out of the way."
"Maybe you should get the car fitted with a bazooka. Then you could just blast them all off the road." I pushed my sunglasses back up my nose.
"Trust me, I've thought about it." He pressed the horn again. "Or having it fitted with legs that elevate the car so high I can just drive over them. Better yet, we should have brought the helicopter."
"Under the circumstances, I think it's just as well we didn't," I said. "We might not have anywhere to land when we get there."
