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As we drive home Katie snores and Bex chats up the security – who really do try their best not to engage with her, but she makes it impossible. I laugh almost the entire way back to the house. I don’t realise we’ve pulled up out the front of Dad's house until Aadi runs over to the car.
“A little help please?” he asks, pointing towards his car. His friend Paddy looks horrified in the front seat.
I slide from the car and Aadi slides in. “What do you think you’re doing, perv?” Bex snaps.
“Pfft, as if I would perv on your manly ass.”
“Manly?! You could bounce coins off this baby!” she snarls as the car pulls away.
I jog over to Paddy’s car and open the back door. Kalen is naked and sprawled across the entire seat.
“Where are his clothes?” I ask Paddy. He looks at me and shrugs.
“Kalen, it’s time for bed.”
“No,” he whines. “I wanna dance.”
He starts humming under his breath and it takes me a moment to figure out the tune.
“Is that...are you singing...Ghostbusters?”
“WHO YA GONNA WHATSAPP?!”
“This is not how the song goes, Kalen.”
“MY SISTER!” he continues to scream-sing at me oblivious to the time, his nakedness, or the danger of waking the street. I need to get him quiet and inside. Quickly.
“Hey, Kalen? What about that drunken sex I was promised?”
Kalen suddenly springs up out of his seat and slides out of the car with the grace of a ballerina.
“You didn’t hear a thing,” I warn Paddy.
“Hear what?”
I grin and nod, and he reverses the car out of the driveway as soon as I push the back door closed.
“Did you know Aus is like the hunger games?” Kalen whines in my ear. He’s trying to be quiet but he’s still kinda loud.
“Okay,” I say to placate him, hauling his ass through the house.
“Just tonight there were kangaroos hop-hop-hopping across the road in front of cars and they were buff…” I shake my head in amusement at him. Only Kalen could find a kangaroo buff.
“And the mozzies, oh dear god the mozzies! Amelie, why didn’t you warn me?! Those bastards stole my blood.” I look at him more closely and see the welts on his arms, angry and red. “And did you know you have ants that bite your nuts? I don’t even know if I can have kids now. I can’t feel my left nut. That was my favourite nut! Now it’s broken,” he finishes pitifully.
“Kalen—”
“And what sort of place has spiders that spin webs straight after you walk past them so when you turn around...BAM! You have that hairy fucker stuck between your face and its web? I can still taste it. And then there’s owls that dive bomb your car! I used to like owls. Hedwig! Wise old Owl in Winnie the Pooh! The Owl and the Pussycat. Owl Brown!” He’s practically crying now, randomly screaming famous owl names out at me.
“Kalen!” I hiss. “You need to shut the fuck up!”
“Where’s the deadly mist? That’s all that's missing.”
Kalen finally stops ranting when I get him up the stairs. I push my door open and Kalen stumbles inside. We’ve slept apart to respect Chelsea’s wishes, but tonight I plan to sleep in his arms. I just need it.
I manage to help him over to the bed and pull the covers back. He pulls me down with him and we both fall onto the bed. I give him a quick peck on the lips
“Did you know your brother is a criminal?” he whispers conspiratorially to me.
