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I laugh because the nurse in question has her back to me, but I can see that she has white-blonde hair, pinned up in a neat chignon, and couldn’t possibly look like me.
“I think she looks more like you, baby,” I reply with a smile at my golden beauty.
“Like Aunty Lizzie.”
My smile turns tight as pain lances through my chest. It used to be like that for me too; always seeing her face wherever I went, picking out flashes in a crowd. Phoenix has always been obsessed with the idea of family, probably because it was just the two of us for so long, and so I don’t blame her for looking for Lizzie in unlikely places. She’s besotted with the photos of Lizzie we kept in the house. But in those pictures Lizzie was a teenager and this nurse must be in her twenties now at least. There’s no way there’s any resemblance beside white-blonde hair.
Besides, how much does a child really understand about death and heaven? No matter how intelligent and advanced they appear to be. I shake my head sadly, unsure what to say.
Instead, I watch as the nurse interacts with Phoenix, taking her blood pressure and temperature, and Nix beams at her the entire time. The nurse is really good with her, which settles my racing heart a little. When she turns her head a little towards me, my heart catches because she does look like Lizzie. Or at least, how I would imagine Lizzie to look now if she were alive. A little like me, only paler. It’s the bright green eyes that do it. And maybe the curve of her lips. I shake my head.
“T-thank you,” I stammer, doing a double take and ordering my racing heart to calm down. She’s just another face in the crowd. A coincidence. A doppelgänger at best. “I didn’t catch your name.”
“It’s Beth.” She gives me a warm and friendly smile which lights up her entire face. Just like Lizzie’s used to. She’s completely oblivious to the way my body has tensed at the sight of her. I know the colour has drained from my face, even as I tell myself her name’s Beth, not Lizzie. But Lizzie was short for Elizabeth. It’s just the shock and emotion of the day messing with my head. Possibly blood loss and exhaustion. Baxter does like to play with blades a lot, and there wasn’t much sleep.
“I’ll be back soon to take Phoenix for her x-ray. I’m really sorry but because the hospital is so small, we can’t really allow chaperones to go with her, but I promise I’ll take good care of her. Is that okay, Phoenix?”
“Yep!” Nix beams at the nurse, clearly very taken with her. And I can understand why. She exudes an air of calm and a warmth that’s as inviting as a hug on a cold day. I want to spend more time in her presence, even as her uncanny appearance throws me into turmoil.
I can’t help but stare as she leaves before turning back to Nix.
“I’m bored Mummy,” she says on a yawn.
“Do you want to have a little sleep?” I offer.
“Okay,” she agrees, yawning again. I tuck her in and kiss her forehead, pulling the chair over to her bedside so that I can stroke her hair while she drifts off.
“Whoa did you see that nurse?” Thorn asks loudly, coming back to our booth not long after Nix has dropped off to sleep.
“Shh. Yes I did,” I whisper, nodding at the sleeping beauty in the bed.
“Shit! Sorry!” He drops his voice to a whisper to match mine. “Nix has been going on and on about her since we got here. She thinks she looks like you.”
“I know. She just told me. But now she thinks she looks like Lizzie because of the hair colour.”
Thorn blanches.
“I know. Crazy, right?”
I force out a chuckle despite my tight chest as he passes me a bottle of Coke. Grateful, I take it and pop the lid before taking a big glut.
“She has a point,” Thorn says, contemplatively, sipping his own bottle of Coke.
“Hush. Lizzie’s dead. Don’t go getting her hopes up. I used to see her face everywhere too.”
“Like us with you.” He smiles sadly.
“What do you mean?”
“When you vanished, Rebel wasn’t the only one seeing your face in a crowd. We all did. I just gave up looking sooner than he did.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m not. I’m glad Rebel was too stubborn to give up.”
“Me too.” I smile softly. “It’s hard, isn’t it? But I think it’s worth fighting for.”
“Absolutely. I’m all in. If I didn’t say it already.” He grins at me.
