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“Okay, come here.”
I lift her into my arms and hold the board one handed this time. I repeat the action, running with Nix and jumping onto the board smoothly. She squeals with pure joy and begs me to do it again. After half a dozen runs, I tell her we can try it in the water now.
That’s even more fun because the ocean lets the board travel even further than the sand. Phoenix laughs every step of the way.
I complete another one step move with Nix in my arms, but this time when my feet hit the board I drop her down to stand between my legs so that she’s skimming herself.
“Again!” she begs. Like I could refuse her anything with her cheeks flushed, her hair windswept and her eyes alight with joy.
“Wanna go on your own?” I ask with a wink after a few more goes.
She’s so keen that we move onto that, me jogging beside her with the board and throwing it down for her to hop on. I run beside her the entire time, holding her hand and helping her balance. Eventually Phoenix works up the courage to try it on her own, but I still run alongside her just in case. She’s wobbly jumping onto the board, and falls onto her bum a couple of times, but she always laughs, and gets back up wanting another go. I snap pictures the whole time and even get a little video of her doing it on her own before she falls.
It’s like the damn thing happens in slow motion. Thankfully my phone is stashed in the pocket of my board shorts and not in my damn hand so I’m able to catch her. Sort of. The board catches my ankle and we both tumble into the sea, Phoenix landing with a painful cry that strikes true fear into my heart.
I’ve only ever felt like this twice before. When I went back into the fire for Raven, and when we thought her sister’s body had washed ashore.
“Nix, are you okay?”
I go to pick her up and she screams in pain, making my hands drop to my sides. And then I run them through my hair. Shit what do I do?
“I want my mummy!” She sobs.
“Yeah, right, okay, yeah…”
I pull out my phone and ring Raven. It goes to voicemail. I try Baxter. They’re obviously still together. Voicemail.
In a panic I start to dial Jax but Nix shifts and cries again.
“Fuck!”
“Bad word!”
I dial for an ambulance making an absolute mess of the call. Somehow they understand what I’m trying to say and tell me that they’re on their way.
Unsure what to do, I decide to lift Nix into my arms. I hadn’t noticed while we were playing but the tide has slipped a lot further out and now the slipway down onto the beach seems miles away. The sand is too soft to get an ambulance down so I need to take her to them.
As gently as I can I lift Nix into my arms. She cradles her arm – the one she hurt in Cordelia’s care – to her chest. Big wet tears roll down her face.
“I’m so sorry, little one. Let’s get that arm looked at okay?”
She nods at me, her bottom lip wobbling still as she tries to quiet her tears.
“If it hurts, you go ahead and cry. Scream if you have to. I won’t even fine you if you say bad words.”
She gives me a watery smile at that.
To distract her, I tell her stories of stupid shit I did when I was younger, and although she stills gives the occasional hiccupping sob, she does manage a few weak giggles.
In no time at all we’re passing the beach hut so I grab our hoodies and the beach bag on the way past. It’s barely two strides out of my way and I doubt it causes any delay. With intense care I wrap my hoodie around Nix to keep her warm and toss her pink mini version in the bag over my shoulder.
“Is Mummy coming?” she asks in a small voice.
“I’ll call her in the ambulance. She’ll meet us there.”
We arrive at the same time as the ambulance and it makes me glad I carried her to the car park. We climb into the pack and I do my best to answer their questions. As soon the doors close and we pull away, I take out my phone, rattling off a message on the group chat and hitting dial on another call to Raven.
As it rings this time I silently pray that she doesn’t hate me – or kick my ass – for hurting her baby.
