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"Reb…" she sighs, reluctantly.
"Come on, you know you can talk to me. There’s no judgement here.”
"It's a long story," she says. "I don't know if I’m emotionally ready to tell it yet. But I can give it a go…maybe give you the Cribbs’ notes version? Just promise me you won't tell the others. Not yet anyway."
“Of course,” I promise her. “I’m good at keeping secrets aren’t I?” I smile and she gives me a wobbly one in return.
“Okay, long story short, when Cordelia found out I was pregnant, she was really supportive to begin with. She really looked after me. I wondered why my mum hadn’t just gone home and asked for help when she found herself pregnant with Lizzie and me. Cordelia seemed so good with me, I was sure she would have been great with mum too.”
She pales. I notice it, even though she takes a deep shuddering breath and continues.
“But as I got further along in the pregnancy, she became really controlling. To the point where I felt...trapped. Like I couldn’t breathe, or do anything without her say-so or approval. She was really judgemental and disapproving.”
She pauses, nibbling on her bottom lip, only this time it does nothing but fill me with the urge to protect her and wipe the anguish off her face.
“One day, I just...snapped. I had to get away. When I tried to leave, she stopped me. Cut off my trust fund to keep me reliant on her. So I reached out to the only person I could think of…”
“Baxter.”
“Exactly. He’d been in and out of my life a little, and I didn’t know where else to turn. He helped me get out and break away from her. And even though I was loathe to ask for help, I knew I needed some support. He helped me in so many ways.”
“So Cordelia doesn’t have anything to do with Phoenix?” There’s no judgement in my voice, if anything, I’m glad.
“No, she does,” Raven tells me sadly.
“What? Why?” I’m outraged.
“We had to come to an arrangement. It was Baxter’s idea actually. If I allowed her access to Phoenix, without me being there, she would call off the lawsuit for full custody of her.”
“What the actual fuck? Explain!”
“Cordelia didn’t like me leaving. She was sure that I couldn’t give Phoenix as much as she could - which is true of course - but she was wrong in thinking that her wealth would make her a better guardian than me. Love is powerful,” she finishes quietly.
“Don’t I know it,” I murmur absentmindedly but Raven catches it and gives me a sad smile.
“So she brought a case against me that I was an unfit mother. Obviously, because of her wealth and connections I didn’t stand a chance. But it was worse than that…because she knew what had happened with Michael, she threatened to bring a murder charge against me too.”
“Fuck. What a bitch.” It’s actually not enough, to call her that. My fingers curl into tight fists and I feel rage unfurl in my stomach. Like a beast awakening, it roars and demands to be unleashed, but I push it down.
“I didn’t have any choice. At least this way I get to be Phoenix’s mum…I can’t do that behind bars.” I watch in horror as she wipes a tear from the corner of her eye and all I want to do is sweep her up into my arms. Fuck. I’ll forever be in Baxter’s debt it seems. I look at Raven sitting opposite me, as beautiful as the day she left, and I wonder at the change in her. She’s stronger than when I knew her before, yet softer and more vulnerable too. I want to take care of her and Phoenix. I want to be her rock, her knight in shining armour. Hell, I want her to look at me like I hung the fucking moon in the sky just for her. I want what Baxter has.
I’m contemplating what to say next as Raven cradles her glass of coke, when Phoenix comes rushing over, flushed, excited, and demanding ice cream. Simultaneously, Raven and I plaster smiles on our faces and fall upon Phoenix, lavishing her with attention.
The perfect distraction.
Charlotte’s Diary
08/10/19
Fuck! It’s happened. Cordelia cornered me today and is forcing me to get medical treatment. For a moment I was terrified that she was going to try and force me to have an abortion, and I realised that I really don’t want that.
But that’s a whole other can of crazy to think about some other time.
The relief at realising that she wasn’t doing that, and the subsequent adrenaline coursing through my body, decided to manifest itself in a snarky comeback and then all hell broke loose.
She went mental, screaming all sorts of horrible things at me, and threatening to cut me off from my trust fund.
I screamed right back at her, not caring in the heat of the moment about her money, and I just feel like my safe haven has been ruined. Instead of a paradise, the island now feels like a prison, and I need to stretch my wings and fly. I need out. I need off this island.
I fled from the argument, the raised voices and angry words triggering me right back to that night. And I ran straight into the arms of Baxter. Literally.
When he finally managed to calm me down enough to explain what had happened, he vowed to get me off the island sooner than planned. He said to give him a few days to set something up.
It can’t come fast enough.
