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“A place big enough for this table which I have to keep because it was a gift?” I smirk at him and then think. “A garden, a bigger space for Phoenix to play, and appliances that work.”
“What, no hot tub?”
“Oh well, while we’re dreaming, let's add in a swimming pool, library and a fully stocked walk-in closet,” I tell him with an exasperated sigh. Really, what good did it do to torture myself with things that could never be? “I’d settle for a nicer neighbourhood where Phoenix could grow up safely.”
Rebel nods at me, like he understands and pauses for a moment. “Okay,” he eventually says. “Leave it with me.”
“Haha,” I mock. “Like I could ever afford a place like that. I can barely afford this place.”
“Trust me.”
“Yeah, okay,” I let it drop because I know there’s no arguing with him. “What?” I ask when I see he’s smirking at me.
“I expected more of a fight.”
“I spend my days fighting with a feisty headstrong young lady. I’m not wasting my battles on you.”
“Touché.” He laughs. “Where is the little rugrat anyway?” He looks around like she might be hiding under the table or something. Please, if she were in the house, he’d know it already. I love her, but the girl is loud.
“She’s at the childminder’s house for the night,” I tell him and his smirk turns into that knowing grin that I’ve missed so much.
“So you’re saying that we have the house to ourselves for the night?”
“No, I’m saying I have to leave in...” I check my phone for the time. “Twenty minutes, to get to work. And I have class tomorrow at 9, so it’s easier for Phoenix to have a sleepover. She does a couple of times a week.”
“What do you mean you have work?”
“Seriously, Reb? Work? You know the thing that people who are born without a silver spoon in their mouths have to do in order to put actual food in their mouths?” My voice is heavily laced with sarcasm.
“No, I mean, how do you find the time to work, study full time and raise a little one?” He sounds somewhere between aghast and awe-struck.
“I don’t have any choice. I slot shifts in around school and I have an amazing childminder. But as you can see,” I gesture to the state of my small but clean flat, “I’m barely managing.”
Rebel doesn’t say anything, he just scowls, deep in thought. I leave him to it and wander into my room to change for work. Two nights a week I work in a trendy bar in town which means painfully late nights, and five days a week I pick up shifts in the campus library. It pays a pittance but I can slot in short shifts between classes and it means I can print all my assignments for free. Doing a literature degree makes me think I’m getting the better end of the deal. I also clean for my neighbours on a Sunday while Phoenix plays with their children. The only day Phoenix and I have completely together is Saturday, so those days are sacred to me.
I leave the door ajar so that I can still chat to Rebel and quickly change into my work uniform of short black skirt and tight black shirt. It’s a small mercy that the sleazy owner lets us wear flats. I slide those on too and grab my bag, not bothering with makeup or doing my hair, as always. I check my phone is charged and send a quick message to the childminder to make sure Phoenix is okay. When I come out of my room, I don’t miss the way Rebel’s gaze sweeps over me. Nor do I miss the way his eyes heat with desire. I wish I was oblivious to the way my body responds to his reaction though. My nipples instantly harden and my stomach flips.
“Whoa, you look amazing,” he says, getting to his feet and crossing the room towards me.
“Thanks,” I cough out as I dodge around his open arms and duck into the kitchen space. I grab a cereal bar as a quick snack and toss an apple into my bag for later. That’s more food than I’ve had all week.
I feel Rebel’s eyes on me with every move I make. I check my phone again. I need to leave in Fifteen. Why is time dragging so slowly? I pour myself a glass of water and drink it down in one. I could leave now but he’ll know it’s because I want to get away from him and not because I need to leave. Damn, I shouldn’t have told him I had twenty minutes. I feel like the flat is getting even smaller. It’s certainly getting hotter. Still, he watches me. I feel like prey, squirming uncomfortably.
Goddamnit. I’ve never been Rebel’s prey. I’ve always met him head on and given as good as I got. I’ve fought and won harder battles than fighting my attraction for him. I’m not surprised in the least that it’s still there after all this time. He was hot at nineteen, he’s even hotter now. Of course I’m attracted to him! His words, promises, and the kindness he’s shown me since he came back into my life are bound to stir up old feelings. But that doesn’t mean I have to act on them. The kiss the other day was stupid - a phenomenal mistake - but something that I didn’t need to repeat. I take a deep breath, square my shoulders, and brave stepping into the same room as him.
The whole time he hasn’t taken his eyes off me and now he’s smirking at me knowingly.
“What?” I snap.
“Every emotion you just had flashed across your face.” He smiles smugly. “You want me.”
“So?” I hate that he’s right, but I’m not going to back down on this.
“Here I am, Little Bird.” He holds his arms out invitingly. “Are you brave enough?”
He’s baiting me. I know he is. But still I react. I step forward into his embrace and plant my lips firmly against his. It takes him a moment to respond because I’ve caught him off guard, and that makes me smile. It’s all the encouragement I need to continue. Instead of running away, instead of fighting my attraction to Rebel, I give in to it, kissing him like the last four years never happened. I kiss him like I’m a teenager again, without real responsibility, fisting my hands into his shirt and dragging him down to meet me. I’m seconds away from dragging him into my bedroom to show him that I’m not afraid, that I’m not the hunted, when we’re rudely pulled apart by my shrill alarm.
“I have to go,” I’m panting hard. Rebel groans at my words and readjusts his jeans. It makes me smile with satisfaction that I’ve made him hard. I give him a quick peck on the lips and tell him to let himself out once again.
