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Only, he wasn’t, was he? He hadn’t been our friend for a while. We all knew he was dangerous. Maybe we didn’t realise the extent of his depravity, but we certainly sensed he was dangerous enough to drop his ass years ago.
“Self-defence,” Ace insists. He’d know, he was Raven’s sparring partner, the only one of us who truly knew what she was capable of.
“Some friend,” Rebel scoffs. “Given what he did, I’m glad she killed him before I found out.”
I have to agree with him, though I say nothing.
“You can’t believe a word she says!” Jax cries.
“Dude, are you fucking crazy? We all heard him confessing on the tape!” Rebel has a point and Jax shuts up immediately.
“Look, this isn’t getting us anywhere. What do you want to do next?” I ask, exasperated.
“Stay,” Ace states.
“Go back, see her again, get more answers,” Rebel adds.
“Jax?” I watch as our leader after all this time runs a hand over his jaw and lets out a long heavy sigh.
“Fine. I’ll meet with her again. But once I have the answers, I’m done.”
“Me too,” I lie.
Who the hell am I kidding? After one glance I’m already hooked all over again, like an addict that never truly recovers. You’ll always be an addict; you can never risk the temptation of a single hit. And Raven’s my drug of choice. I’m putting myself in temptation’s way; threatening to get burnt all over again.
But I can’t resist.
Charlotte’s Diary
14/09/19
I think I felt the baby kick today, for the first time. It was the strangest sensation; like little bubbles or ripples dancing along my insides. Weird, but sort of nice.
When I felt it, I initially thought it was gas, but when I stopped to pay attention to the ongoing sensation, I got excited. It definitely wasn’t gas! I wanted to tell someone, to share the moment, to share my joy, but there was no one around.
I couldn’t tell Baxter, even if he were there, and with things between Cordelia and I being a little strained, I didn’t think it worth going up to the big house to find her and tell her. Besides, I doubt she’d share in my enthusiasm anyway. No one wants to know when you can feel the baby kick, they just want the opportunity to feel it for themselves.
So now it’s really real; I have a baby growing inside of me. And I’m equal parts terrified and blown away by that realisation. I mean, obviously I knew I was pregnant before, but this is the first time I’ve really felt pregnant.
Soon, I’m going to have to sit down and really think about my future. I need a plan. And I’m going to have to involve Cordelia in that plan, because I don’t want to be - or do this - alone.
I briefly thought about going home to my parents’ house, but I don’t think they could cope with the shame of having one dead daughter and the other one knocked up, and single, with zero prospects.
No, I’ll stick with Cordelia. She may have been driving me crazy since the day I got here, but it’s only because she cares. She’s stuck by me through everything and helped me when no-one else could, so I know I don’t have to worry; she’s got my back.
