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Chapter Forty-Nine
Ace
I wake early and decide to make breakfast for everyone. I enjoy the peace and solitude while I work, whipping up a pancake batter and letting it stand for a while. I prepare everything ready to cook fresh at the last moment and when I check the time and see that it’s still way too early to start cooking, I decide to do some baking to pass the time too. There’s a new cookie recipe I’ve been toying with the idea of, so I figure I’ll give it a go. If it’s a disaster, I can bin the evidence before anyone wakes, and no one will need to know I failed.
While I work, humming lightly, I allow myself to get lost in my thoughts. We’ve all spent three nights in this house together now, and I’ve been observing everyone closely.
Everyone seemed to be on their best behaviour on Friday when we moved in, although I did spy from the shadows of the top step on my way to shower, Raven and Rebel practically tripping over one another in a rush to go into the library.
I don’t think they were checking out the books.
I left them to it and didn’t bother to time how long they were gone, but both seemed happy when they resurfaced later, claiming to have been reading Phoenix a bedtime story.
The weekend was when it really got interesting.
To start off, there was a lot of flirting over breakfast on Saturday morning. The guys tried to play it off as being nice and rebuilding friendships, but I don’t know any friends that are that touchy-feely with one another. Plus they seemed to be trying to out-do each other to try and make Raven and Phoenix laugh, so there was a lot of silly behaviour and good-natured teasing going on. It made for a really nice atmosphere.
After breakfast, Thorn and Rebel offered to take Phoenix to the park, while I took Raven down to the gym to practise some sparring. She was complaining that it had been ages since she had done any sort of training, and I knew that she was still thinking about failing to fight Charlie off, so I offered to train with her, like the good old days.
Big mistake.
She turned up in tight black yoga pants and a tiny sports bra, hair plaited back off her face, eyes bright with excitement. She looked beautiful and sexy. Grappling around on the floor with her did nothing to help my “let’s just be friends” mantra that I constantly had to repeat to myself.
I was so distracted by trying to control my awakening erection, that she floored me...twice. The second time, I swept her legs out from under her and she landed on top of me, hard. Her body still moulded to mine perfectly, like she was made for it, for me.
Time stood still as she pressed her lips to mine.
I kept thinking ‘fuck, fuck, Jax said we shouldn’t be doing this’ but my body was saying finally, and before I knew it, I was kissing her back with passion. I wrapped her long braid around my fist and gently tugged her head to the side a bit so that I could deepen the kiss. When we broke for air it was like a dam had broken; I couldn’t keep my lips off her, and while she panted hard trying to get her breath back, I tugged her hair once again to expose her long neck to me and kissed my way along that too.
Her groans of pleasure led us to have a pretty hot and heavy make out session, but we didn’t go any further than kissing...and a little grinding. Maybe a little over the clothes petting too. It was insanely hot; maybe because it was forbidden? I don’t know, but it left me aching and wanting so much more.
On Sunday morning I walked in on Baxter and Raven in the kitchen. They jumped apart when they heard me enter, so I’m pretty sure they were doing more than just talking about what roast to have for dinner.
Then, last night, Thorn basically kicked the lot of us out of the lounge to have a date night with Raven!
He didn’t call it a date of course, but he claimed there was some new chick flick out on Netflix that he wanted to watch and that the rest of us would hate, so I can pretty much guarantee that he would have been putting the moves on Raven; cuddled up together on the sofa, in a dark room, watching a couple of screen fall in love...how could he resist? I couldn’t have, if I was in his position, and I know that Thorn is even more of a hopeless romantic than me. Raven wouldn’t have stood a chance.
The rest of us all split and did our own thing. I sparred with Rebel in the gym and Jax went for a run outside. I’ve no idea where Baxter disappeared off upstairs to, but he’s been interesting to watch these last few days too.
Whatever Raven’s claiming and no matter what he says, it’s clear to me that Baxter is a father to Phoenix. She might not biologically be his - and I’m pretty certain she isn’t, because I believe that they haven’t slept together before - but that guy was born to be a father through and through.
If Phoenix is around, he can’t take his eyes off her. If she’s off playing somewhere, he’s constantly going to check on her. He tucks her in every night, and if he’s not the one to put her to bed with a story, he’s there first thing in the morning when she wakes. Raven hasn’t batted an eye though, so it makes me think that this is just his natural way with Phoenix. She clearly adores him, lighting up for him in a way that she doesn’t for anyone else, even though she seems to love having all of us around.
I think, if we stick around - and God I hope we do - that Phoenix will come to love all of us, the way she clearly loves Baxter already. I can’t help but wonder what the test results will show. They should be with us later today, and I can’t help but feel concerned that we’re making a mistake in finding out. The result is going to change everything. I worry that Baxter isn’t going to like taking a back seat with Phoenix’s care; but of course, things will change, because bedtime stories and piggyback rides and scaring away the monsters in the night are the roles that her real father is going to want to take on.
And that’s going to confuse Phoenix, for sure. Is she going to be able to cope and adapt with a new daddy in her life? Will we? Will she understand what’s going on? Will I be able to cope, seeing the bond between Raven and the father strengthen and develop into something the rest of us will never have with her?
I’m not sure I’m ready. I’m not sure I’ll ever be.
A gentle timer draws me back into the kitchen and away from my spiralling thoughts. An hour has passed, the cookies I made on auto-pilot are ready, and it’s time to start cooking breakfast for everyone.
As I get stuck in, I can’t help but really worry that we’re making a huge mistake.
Raven’s Diary
Present day
I can barely dare to hope that everything might just be okay. To begin with I was against the guys knowing about Phoenix, but the more I see them all interact with her, the more at peace I am with it. It’s been perfect having them all here in the house. I really wish it wasn’t a temporary measure, but it feels too soon to ask them to stay indefinitely, even though that’s what I’d really like. Phoenix is going to be gutted when they go. Especially Baxter. She’s not had him around for such a long stretch of time since she was a tiny baby, but of course, she wouldn’t remember that. And then there’s the other, more selfish reason why I’d like them to stay. For me. My heart is so twisted up right now. Logically, I know that things aren’t okay between all of us yet, and there’s still a long way to go, but my heart is saying I love these men and I want to be with them. Which is another problem. Despite them claiming they’d be happy to share, this isn’t high school or some warped fairytale. I can’t see how it could work. What, we’d all just stay here in this big house and shun the rest of the world? Phoenix goes to school in September and I don’t want her picked on because of my ‘immoral lifestyle choices’ as Cordelia puts it. If I’m honest, Ace, Bax and Rebel have the strongest hold on my heart, but I still couldn’t bear to be without Thorn...even Jax. I love them all. So how do I choose? Baxter would be the logical choice; choosing him wouldn’t tear apart four lifelong friendships. But…I don’t want to let the others go either. I know, I’m selfish. I should let four, or even all, of them go...but when I think of them getting with someone else, jealousy bubbles like acid in my stomach. Just imagining it crushes me. I’ve never been overly religious, but right now I would pray to anyone listening to help us find a way to make it work, together.
