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Chapter Seventeen
On New Year's Eve, I head back to my empty dorm to restock my clothes, despite the guys insisting I stay and just wear their stuff. It’s nice to get a break. Plus we’re going out tonight, all of us, even though Thorn’s asked me to officially be his date for the evening. There’s no way I can wear my PJs, workout gear or slobby clothes wherever we’re going, so I escape to my room for some girly pamper time. I have the perfect dress for tonight, and I’m excited to be going off-campus. A change of scenery’s just what I need.
I glance at the chest beside my bed and feel a pang of guilt. I really should use this time to work on decoding Lizzie’s journal... but I don’t want to. I feel absolutely shitty for thinking that, but I don’t want whatever I find out in there to ruin what might happen tonight. Thorn and I have been spending a lot of time together, and we’ve gotten really close. I’m pretty sure tonight’s headed somewhere further than making out, and I don’t want to read something in that journal that will change that.
It’s selfish, I know, but the last week and a half has been an absolute dream. I only have a few days left, and I don’t want the fairytale to end. I promise Lizzie and myself that once school’s back in session I’ll throw myself back into decoding the entries and my mission to take everyone down. I haven’t forgotten, not really, but it’s been nice to have a break from all the planning and scheming. Amber and Tilly are next on my hit list anyway. I’m still trying to figure out how I’m going to get the guys. I sigh and leave the journals where they are, heading into the bathroom to run a bath. A long soak should help relax me.
While I’m in the bath, I refuse to dwell on what happened between Jax and I Christmas night. It’s on him, whatever his problem is. I’m not going to get sucked into typical girl drama and self-doubt. The boy wants me, I know he does, and for some reason, he’s battling his own demons and refusing to give in to his desires. That’s fine by me. I’ll find a way to use this against him later.
I contemplate how the rest of the Christmas break passed in a blur. We awoke on Boxing Day to the heaviest snowfall our part of the country’s seen in years. I spent most of the day tangled on the sofa with Thorn, watching Harry Potter movies and sipping hot chocolate. We had the lounge to ourselves, so we spent a large portion of the films making out under the blankets. We took a break in the afternoon to go outside and have a massive snowball fight with the guys before taking to the hot tub to warm up. It’s only once we’re all warmed up and have feeling back in our fingers and toes that I made Rebel execute his forfeit for losing the bet. He bitched, moaned and whined every single second that he was stuck face down in the snow, and I would’ve felt bad if it wasn’t so funny. He got his own back though by lifting me up out of the hot tub to give me an icy full-body hug. Git. Even the chill of his body didn’t stop me overheating at his close proximity.
For Ace’s birthday, we went for a walk through the woods, and I showed him how to use the knife set that I got him for Christmas. He decided he wanted to have a takeaway rather than go out in the snow, so we ordered Mexican and drank Coronas while geeking out old-school style with board games. Surprise, surprise, Rebel was a sore loser.
I waited until much later to give Ace his gift. I had to call in a favour from my grandma to arrange this for him, but I know how much he’ll love it. When he opened the handwritten personal invitation to join Mary Berry for a day of baking in her home in Henley something inside Ace snapped and he dragged me to his bedroom. I teased him about an eighty-odd-year-old woman getting him turned on, which earned me a rather unexpected slap on my ass. After that, things get very interesting, and we ended up awake all night, but in the very best way.
I lounged around the house for a couple of days, spending time alone with Rebel, Thorn and Ace. Never Jax. He’s definitely avoiding me, but is careful enough to be around when we’re in group situations so that the others don’t get suspicious or ask questions. When he’s there, Jax is cold and distant, but the others don’t seem to notice. It hurts, and it bothers me, but I try not to let it show.
I smile at the memories as I finish up in the bath. Once I’m done with all that girly but necessary pampering shit, I get out of the tub and set to work on styling my long dark hair into loose curls. Because of the length, it takes ages. But I know it’ll be worth it to get dressed up for tonight. Once that’s done, I get to work on my makeup, opting for a smokey eye to compliment my dramatic dress. The guys have kept the details of tonight to a minimum but told me it’s a very dressy affair. My dress is a sweetheart neckline, strapless, full-length black gown with a full skirt of folds but with a daring split all the way up one thigh. I absolutely adore it. It makes me wish I still had my Tiara from Halloween, but that might be overkill. I really do feel like a Princess in it though. I even slip a surprise under my dress, just in case Thorn and I do get any alone time together.
Eventually, it’s time to go, and I grab my lipstick and head downstairs. I’ve not bothered with a bag, I’ll just make Rebel carry my lipstick. Damn, maybe I should’ve grabbed a bag; I’d love to see Rebel carrying a tiny sparkly purse. I step out of the front door, and the sight in front of me stops me in my tracks.
The four guys are standing in front of a limo. That’s about as much as I can take in before my brain - and legs - turn to mush. My mouth is dry. Or watering. Is it possible to be both at the same time? I don’t know. I can’t think straight.
How can four guys dressed in identical tuxedos looks so different? And yet so freaking hot. My eyes greedily drink in the sight of them. Jax and Ace are wearing their black tuxedos properly; straight bow ties, jackets buttoned-up, shoes shined to perfection. They look amazing. Ridiculously hot. Rebel and Thorn have taken a more laid back approach to their formal attire; Rebel has his top shirt button and jacket undone, along with his bow tie hanging loosely around his neck, and he’s sexy as sin. Thorn’s dressed the most casually out of all of them; his jacket and shirt are completely undone, showing a white top underneath. There’s no bow-tie anywhere that I can see and he’s wearing black Converse. He looks half-dressed - like he’s been having sex, or is just about to. I hope it’s the latter. I would laugh at Thorn’s idea of formalwear, but it catches in my throat. I can’t laugh at something that looks so good.
As I stand at the top of the steps and stare down at the four guys who have made my heart stutter, stumble and fall, I think to myself, ‘how the fuck do I choose?’ Not that they’ve asked me to. We haven’t even spoken about our relationship - or whatever this is - at all. I can’t figure out if they’re leaving it up to me to decide or if they’re just casually fucking around with me and assuming I’m easy. I really hope it’s not the latter, although it shouldn’t matter to me either which way. I just feel like there’s an unspoken expectation that I’ll have to choose one of them at some point. When that time comes, it’s going to kill me, I already know it will.
It’s at that very moment that I realise how completely and utterly fucked I am.
I’m supposed to be using these guys to screw them over, and instead, I imagine a scenario where I get to fuck - and if I’m honest, keep - all four of them. It’s unrealistic at best, and bloody stupid considering what I’m supposed to do. I’m walking away in a few short months. I need no attachments. It’s dangerous territory, and I can’t allow myself to go there.
I want to run down the stairs and pull all four of them into the limo with me for some fun. But I don’t. Instead, I take a deep breath and head down the stairs carefully. The last thing I want to do is go arse over tit and break my neck. I feel four pairs of eyes on me all at once, watching my every move, and my skin tingles under their intense scrutiny, but I throw my shoulders back and smile at them.
“Hey guys, looking good. Shall we?” I nod toward the limo, glad that my voice comes out strong and smooth, nothing like the shaky mess I feel on the inside from looking at them. They part and Ace, my gentleman, opens the door for me. I slide in and take my seat, allowing the others to clamber in around me. I accept the regular back seat, and the guys take the sideways facing bench seats opposite one another. In a way, with how I’m feeling, it’s probably better that no one’s sat next to me, but now I feel like I’m on display with them staring at me again. All eyes turn to the focal point in the room like a TV or something.
“Beautiful.” The compliment from Jax makes me blush. He rarely speaks first, despite being the leader, so it’s nice to hear. Somehow it makes it seem more genuine than when he racks on an agreement to whatever else the boys have said.
“Thank you,” I mumble quietly, remembering how distant he’s been the last few days. Things feel less awkward now, but that might only be because we’re all together. I’m not sure I’m ready to be alone with him yet.
Ace captures me in his violet gaze, his eyes blazing with approval and admiration as he gives me a slow once-over. All he says is, “Stunning” but it makes my insides do a funny little squirm.
“You look gorgeous, Princess,” Thorn says, reaching out to squeeze my hand. Tingles shoot through me at his contact.
“Princess...” Rebel growls at me. “You look fucking amazing.” His giant paw lands on my leg, shifting the material of my dress and exposing the other thigh. Instantly four pairs of eyes swivel to the broad expanse of exposed smooth, creamy skin. Their synchronised movements would make me laugh if my skin wasn’t heating under their scrutiny. It’s only now as the heat slowly rises in the limo that I become aware of just how daring that split is. I freeze, unwilling to risk moving and exposing more of myself, but also not wanting to shift and pinch the material back together.
“Is there anything to drink in here?” I ask instead, hoping to divert attention away. Jax quickly and efficiently produces a bottle of champagne and proceeds to fill a glass for each of us. When he’s done, we toast to the night and the new year, and I give my own silent resolution to see my plan through to the end, even if it kills me. I owe Lizzie that much.
We drink and Ace puts the radio on. The driving beat of X Ambassador’s “Jungle” fills the small space and it just serves to amp up the tension in the car. I love this song. The bass makes it a perfect song to fuck to, even if the lyrics are irrelevant. It definitely gets me in the mood. Already I feel like I can’t breathe: the driving beat I can feel in my bones; the guys’ too-close proximity and heat; the mingling cacophony of their voices like too-sweet honey to my ears; their scents and colognes blending together to make a unique heady scent that’s getting to me. All together it should be too much, but it works. The problem is the result: I’m a puddle on the seat, incapable of doing anything other than clutching and sipping my champagne. I feel like this limo ride’s never ending when in reality it’s only been a few minutes.
One track bleeds into another, and I feel like Ace has inadvertently selected my ideal ‘getting in the mood’ playlist. I squirm uncomfortably, but no one seems to notice. The guys are all content to chat with one another while I sip my drink and stay quiet. I’m just trying to focus on my breathing and counting down until we reach our destination.
It takes about half an hour - and three glasses of champagne - to get to the party. The limo pulls up outside a massive grand hotel. It’s breathtaking in its opulence, even from the outside. I’m so eager to get inside that I don’t wait for the driver to come and open my door, I fling it open and climb out, staring up at the swanky exterior of the hotel.
The five of us walk towards the entrance and are greeted by doormen dressed in full livery. They almost make the boys look scruffy. The foyer boasts marble floors and giant chandeliers which sparkle and cast pretty rainbows on the walls. All around us are couples in ball gowns and tuxedos, dressed to the nines. The overall effect is beautiful, like something out of a fairytale. The guys have taken me to a real life ball. Wow. Everything looks so gorgeous, it’s too much to take in.
I give a low whistle, impressed. “I’m so glad I had this dress just in case. I don’t think my sweats would cut it somehow.”
“You look gorgeous in anything. You’re perfect.” Thorn’s words make me smile as he hooks my arm through his and leads the way to the main ballroom.
