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“You need to talk, I’m a listening ear, but I’m no less masculine than you. There’s never been a question about my manhood, other than from an old prick who’s probably the one wishing he could date some poor dude.”
I laugh. “I wouldn’t be surprised. Whoever the poor bastard is, he’s a lucky motherfucker to dodge that asshole.”
“My point is. Don’t make decisions according to stereotypes like the one Riccardo has tried to place on us. If you want Ny and me as your family, do that.
“If you want to give Ny a baby and share that with me, do that. This has all been about you carving out a world for what you want, but it’s up to you to decide what that is.”
I look my friend in the eye. “To be honest. This all sounds crazy, but when I think of the two people who want this from me, it seems right. I wouldn’t do this for anyone else.”
“Yeah, I get it. It’s the same for me.”
“When’s the next roller derby paintball tournament?”
“Gio,” he says in warning.
“You want her back or not? Let me do what I do.”
“I want her back, not for her to come back and kill you.”
I wave him off. “Get me a team and place them in the tournament. She does still do them, right?”
“Yeah, she does.”
“Good.”
“What are you planning?”
“Shit, you talk a lot these days. I need to change the water filter or some shit.”
“Ha ha.”
“I’m going to be her friend. I’m going to be there for her since Ny can’t.”
“Why do I see red all over this?”
“I don’t know if she’s a virgin and I don’t plan to fuck her to find out, so I don’t know why you’re seeing red. Just do what I asked. I’ll handle Ny when her claws come out.”
* * *
Nyla
“This is the second birthday of yours where I’ve seen you looking glum over my son,” Lucas says as he comes to sit outside the barn with me.
“Do you ever feel like you’re wasting your life waiting for something to happen around here?” I say and nod back toward the house where Ava is.
“I love that woman in that house. I believe in what she’s trying to do for our son. I would waste away for a thousand years waiting for her. But that’s me. My sanity has been questioned often.”
“I need to find me. I’m so lost, so angry. I don’t even know who or what I’m angry at anymore. I’m upset with everything and everyone.”
“Why are you upset in this moment?”
“I’m mad at myself because I feel like I’ve abandoned Lizzy, Gio, and Jace. Heck, all the dolls and my responsibilities, and for what? I’m no closer to finding me or my purpose.”
“Let’s start there. You’ve called your sister every day since I’ve been here. I wouldn’t say you’ve abandoned her. Ava told me what happened between you and the boys. I say good for you.
“Your type of relationship doesn’t work without honest and clear communication and goals. It’s not wrong of you to want a clear time line. Unfortunately, as a woman, you do have a clock that we as men take for granted.
“I don’t think Gio meant to be insensitive to any of that. My son’s main goal is to secure a safe environment for you and his family—outside of you, mainly his mother.”
