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“I will, just not here.”
I purse my lips and nod. She’s been distant for the past few weeks. Jace has noticed it too. I think he knows more, but he’s not talking. Something we promised to do.
I peck Ny’s lips and nod. This isn’t the place for the talk I think is coming. I’ll hold back for now.
I turn to Jace. “You know what to do.”
He nods and leaves the room. I check my phone quickly, hoping nothing has come up so I can head home with Ny tonight.
I send a text to Salvatore to have him pick up Ny’s car. She’ll be riding with me and Jace. I look up to find her staring into the crib again. Reality bites hard.
Twenty years is a long time to ask someone to trust you. Fourteen years is a long time to ignore your woman telling you how much she wants a baby. A blind man can see how bad I’m fucking this up.
However, I need more time. I’m sure there’s something my mother is leaving out and I’m still trying to figure that out. I’m not the only one playing the board.
“Come on. We’re done here,” I say.
“Yeah, okay, I think you’re right.”
Her words cause my stomach to sink. I remember that she’s always a step ahead of me, no matter how many steps ahead of everyone else I am.
If I don’t think fast, I might lose her. That’s not an option. It’s never been an option.
CHAPTER53
You Ask too Much
Nyla
Once my birthday came around,I told myself I’d leave. However, every time I try, I feel sick to my stomach. I don’t know how to tear my own heart out.
Although today, standing in that nursery looking into that empty crib, it did something to me. I’m allowing my life to go by and I’m not even sure why. My father’s last words play in my head.
Live your life, Ny.
We pull up to the house and Jace puts the truck into park. Gio turns to me as he sits beside me in the back seat. He places a hand on the back of my neck. I close my eyes and hold back the tears.
The ride here was silent. I’ve had plenty of time with my thoughts.
“Talk to me.”
“I haven’t been living my life. This isn’t what I wanted. I don’t know what I want anymore. Everything has been about revenge and hurt. I don’t want to hurt anymore, Gio.” I can’t stop now that the words are flowing.
“I don’t want this bloodlust. I want to give life, not take it. I want to be in the moment, not planning for ten moments in the future. How did I lose myself like this?”
“I know it’s been a long time. My patience is running out too. You think I don’t want to be married to you already? I’m working with what I’ve been given.”
“I’m thirty-five, Gio. I want babies. Time doesn’t move backward. It only goes forward.”
“I know, Nyla. I know.”
“Do you even want to have a family with me? With us?”
He furrows his brows. “I…I’m going to be honest. I don’t want to have children in this life we live, but for you, I’d do it.”
I lick my lips. “No, you don’t get the question. Or at least, I didn’t say what I mean.”
“What do you mean?” he asks, looking more confused.
