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Tilting my head, I asked, “Did he tell you to place the order and lie to me?”
Without a single hitch in his voice, or flicker in his gaze, he answered. “Yes.”
“Then I don’t know what’s left to—”
His grip returned to my waist as his body pressed into mine, pushing me tighter against the brick at my back.
“You misunderstood…I don’t want to be your friend, Rae, and you are a lot of work, but if you haven’t noticed, work doesn’t scare me off. I like work. I like trouble. You’re a fucking delicious mixture of both, and please understand me when I say this”—he lowered his head, his lips just barely a breath away from mine—“I like kissing you.”
I felt like I was spinning in place, like my entire universe had turned upside down. I had run from this town because of him. Picked the furthest college from this place, just to heal from him.
Now here he waswantingme? This was madness.
He clicked his tongue. “I look forward to my next delivery, Rae.”
With one last skim of his nose against my neck, he pulled away and stalked back toward his bike, leaving me standing there with a box of condoms.
* * *
I tuggedthe cardboard monstrosity free from the top shelf and cradled it as I sank to the carpet in my closet. This entire situation with Davis was pulling at the armor I’d built over the past four years. With every encounter, I could feel a piece chipping away, revealing how pathetic my attempts had been at putting it all together. Pulling out my leather-bound journal, I gently thumbed open the first page and swallowed the lump in my throat.
October 27th, 2016
Dear Diary,
It’s October, and there’s a festival in town. I think Davis might go, and I think this might be my chance to finally tell him who I am. If he doesn’t show, I told Nora that I have a plan B…I just hope it goes the way I think it will.
Shutting the journal, tears lined my eyes as humiliation clogged my throat. I was so naive. So in love, and with a man I had never even talked to, but there had been no way to convince me that he didn’t love me back. I remembered what happened after that festival, and it jogged my memory about “plan B.”
“Oh God,” I gasped, remembering that I had left him letters.
Did he ever get them?
A stark memory of him briskly leaving the library one sunny day, gripping a wad of papers in his hand and shoving them into the garbage can, rattled against my heart. Of course he got them, because I took advantage of the fact that he reserved so many books on such a regular basis. I would stuff the letters in between the pages of his books.
I couldn’t pair the two, the man I loved from the time I was sixteen to eighteen. I couldn’t compare him with the man who had touched me today and made me feel the way he did. The way he spoke, his velvet voice rolling over my skin like thunder, zipping along my arms like lightning.
“This is insane.” I pushed hair off my forehead and dug through the rest of my box. High school yearbooks, my journalism notebooks, and photographs. I dug out a pink, spiral bound notebook, creasing my brows.
What had I used this one for?
June 16th, 2017- Davis seen at Post Office wearing blue jeans and white T-shirt.
June 30th, 2017- Davis seen interacting with another woman at the grocery store. Nora saw it first, text to get more information from her. Get specifics on the woman, and whether she’s someone we need to keep tabs on.
I slammed the notebook closed and threw it against the closet door as angry tears streamed down my face.
A crater existed inside my chest where shame, resentment, and humiliation lived. I had been so utterly pathetic. I hadstalkedhim.
I actually had physical proof of stalking him. Could I go to jail for this?
Groaning, I picked up the box, hauled it out of my bedroom, and out into the hall.
“Rae?” my mom called, likely curious about my determined gait.
I moved without speaking, not wanting to let a single word slip past my lips, but I knew if I didn’t give her something, she’d harass me.
“I’m going to Nora’s. I’ll be back soon,” I muttered, slipping on my fuzzy slippers.
