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I’m drawn to Grant. There’s no denying that. Even before I knew who he was, I found him charming, attractive and funny. If things were different, he’d be the kind of man I could see myself getting serious with.
But he doesn’t want me that way. And I can’t want him that way either. There’s too much at stake. Too much that would change because of his celebrity status. What would Luna think if she found out and then her life was altered because of the media? There’s no way I could chance it. I had too many people relying on me. I’d loved and lost before. I’m not strong enough to go through that again.
Running a hand through my hair, I take a deep breath and gave myself a quick mental pep talk. It’s time to push thoughts of Grant out of my head and focus on the now. I need to live in the moment.
And at the moment, I need another donut.
CHAPTER NINE
Minor Heart Episode
Grant
Sweat drips down my face as I collapse onto the matted floor. Chest heaving, I wipe the liquid from my eyes, leaving my forearm resting on my forehead. I’m too tired to move it again right now. The fire in my chest and arms slowly subsides, but my intake of air doesn’t. Damn, I’ll be lucky if I don’t have to take an ice bath two days in a row after that team workout.
“Shit Helms, that was impressive as fuck.” There’s other chatter around the room but I can’t be bothered to listen. Joel Chatterwick grins down at me. The right winger is a good guy, great at his job, but cocky as hell. He was easy to peg as the joker of the team when I first signed on, but he’s harmless, as long as he continues to focus on the game.
Slowly coming to my feet, I fist bump Joel then reach for a towel. Sweat is still pouring off me. After that last rep, I’m done working out for the day. The team got in a good workout this morning, both on and off the ice, then we watched some tapes. I should have called it a day after that. There was no reason for me to hang around. Yet I did. I was filled with so much energy because of Lexi that I needed to keep myself occupied. I was afraid if I left after training was done, I’d do something stupid. Like show up at her work again.
That visit this morning had gone a lot better that I had anticipated. I thought at the first glimpse of me walking through the door Lexi would throw her arms up and cry stalker. It had been a very bold move after what I’d done the day before but I just needed to see her. She’d looked so sad when telling me about her sister’s summer plans. Sad but also…accepting? Like she had known something like this was coming.
I’ve never been this attuned to a woman before. I knew after reading her text this morning that she wasn’t feeling great. Her usual spark was missing. Something felt off. Even if that spark was in the form of exclamation points over text. The entire Uber ride to the bakery, I’d gone back and forth on how stupid I was being. Lexi had a hold on me that I didn’t understand. I should have been resting, taking my pre-workout supplements or anything else to help me prepare for a team workout. We only had another couple months before the season began and I needed to be focused, all-in for my team.
Yet Lexi was always on my mind. I liked it, but I was also worried that by wanting more from her, I was also giving too much of myself. This was a critical time in my career, I couldn’t forget that.
“Yo Helms. You okay over there?” a teammate yells, making me realize I was staring off into space.
I give him a nod before heading to the showers. I wasn’t going to be able to answer the big questions I was asking myself today. I needed to get out of here and back home to rest and eat.
And maybe check-in with Lexi again.
CHAPTER TEN
Dog Days
Lexi
It was raining today. And I had to go walk some dogs.
Stepping back from the window, I look down at my phone again. Grant is supposed to be here any moment. I didn’t have the heart to tell him thirty minutes ago that I’d gotten a call asking me to fill in for a sick dog walker at the pet boutique down the street. I couldn’t turn down the job. One, because the money was really good and two, because I couldn’t say no to the chance of getting furry cuddles today.
The first night without Luna in the apartment had been hard. It was too quiet. I’d make a joke or a killer observation about the show I was watching, and the apartment didn’t reply back. I know that sounds crazy, but I’m so used to saying everything that’s on my mind during a show that I’m still doing it – and expecting replies apparently. Grant and I had texted on and off last night, and those short, sweet messages had been a huge comfort. It was a strange feeling to have someone checking in on me, taking care of me from a distance, but I needed that attention yesterday. I’m better today, I felt stronger. I should pull back from needing him as much today.
Suuure.
My phone vibrates in my hand and I quickly respond, giving Grant my apartment number. This morning when he insisted he would pick me up for our…date?...I’d held back my apartment number when I gave him my address. A girl couldn’t be too careful, right? Though, thinking about it now, I bet not knowing won’t stop him from finding me. He probably has people who could track down all my information. That thought makes me feel a little weird.
The loud knock on the door makes me jump. Laughing at myself, I shuffle over and spy Grant through the peephole. Even in the distorted glass he looks gorgeous. The door opens on a whoosh of air and my smile widens when I spot his chest heaving.
“Did you take the stairs?”
“One of your elevators is broken. I didn’t want to wait.”
“One of the elevators is always broken.” He gives me a look of horror, like he can’t image using the stairs on a daily basis. “What? Come on, you can’t hate stairs. You’re like,” I give his body a general wave with my hand, “super-fit and should take them with no problem.”
“I don’t know anybody who doesn’t hate stairs. Doesn’t matter how fit you are, they always wind you.”
I nod, agreeing with his assessment. I am always huffing and puffing my way up the eight flights. Grant slips passed me by the door and enters the apartment, kicking his shoes off to the side and places his ballcap and a full canvas bag beside them. The bold white Toronto Sixers logo standing out.
